Don’t take my baby!!

Whew what a week.  We went to Houston for Thanksgiving and the kids were awesome for the trip.  We had adjacent hotel rooms with the moms and of course Josie didn’t want to have anything to do with the pack and play and ended up sleeping between Nita and me …at the head of the bed of course with her feet firmly extended to push off on my forehead as she twitched in her little dreams.  The family was fantastic and we took the kids to see Uncle Sammy’s restaurant on our way home.  By the way if you are ever in Houston and want some good Italian food, go downtown to Patrenella’s.  Anyway, Connor played in the garden, the kitchen, the bar, and then he found the candy dish.  Luckily he was in the other car.  The moms got Plumeria clippings and it was nice to spend some time with him.  This is Nita’s father’s brother.  Plus there are tons of pictures of the old family from both Italy and when they first arrived.  Anyway, it was an awesome holiday.

Josie is starting to walk.  Yep, she’s taking her first steps and it’s apparently pretty traumatic.  I say that because as I was holding her waist and then scooching back and letting her go so she could take a few steps toward me, I heard Nita yell, “NOOOOOOO don’t take my baby.”  She’s a little bit ahead of Connor and I guess Nita is scared that another phase is about to be gone. So there is that.  She was a big hit with the Italians as well.  We ate at her Godparent’s house and there is a staircase.  Josie showed her climbing prowess by going up and down about 20 times. At one point while I was on Josie duty and Nita was on Connor duty, one of the ladies came to me with open arms and said, “Give her to me.”  In about three minutes she came back handed Josie to me and said, “I can’t keep up with her, all she wants to do is crawl up and down the stairs.”  I guess when you have three core skills, you do what you do.

Connor had a breakout weekend as well.  First we put up the tree Friday night while the kids were sleeping.  When Connor woke up and came downstairs he saw it with the lit presents under the tree.  He said, “Santa brought a tree,” and then played with the light switch for 20 minutes.  We also lit the fire pit outside for the first official time.  We’re still going to do a couple more things to it, but it passes nicely for now, we even made s’mores…and then Connor morphed into puss in boots and his marshmallow skewer became his sword.  He ran around the back yard stabbing imaginary ghosts and a very real tree.  We also had a couple of fires in our fireplace inside and Connor wanted to help with all the fireplace tools.  By the way, if you are moving burning logs around with the tong tool, you may want to do it with shoes on. Just a tip.  Anyway, Josie also loved watching the fire and hearing the crackling of the wood.  If you are wondering if you’ve discovered the key to all the unsolved arson crimes, you haven’t and quit watching CSI.  It only gets cold here in Austin about 20 days a year so we make the most of it.

There is nothing cuter than hearing your little three year old singing jingle bells over and over. I mean it, his little voice is discovering pitch and more range, but he’s still three.  Plus he’s mine and I love him, so well you know.   Last year’s Frosty and Rudolph were adorable because he didn’t remember all the words.  This year he does.  So of course I taught him the “batman smells, robin lays an egg” version.  He belly laughed and immediately memorized the lyric.  And it is really cute and funny to hear your son singing it…until the teacher calls and then it’s not cute anymore.  Do you know that it takes a lot longer to unlearn something than it does to learn it?  Go figure.

Here we go, a first, Connor chose a time out.  Yep, he was being a little naughty and was refusing to settle down.  His Aunt gave him a new Thomas train toy that we were going to wrap and put under the tree…until he saw it in the bag just as we were getting ready for breakfast.  He was refusing to eat so he could go play with the toy and repeated, “Can I play with my toy” in various ways, tones, and voices (including whiny cry) about 50 times.  By the way, I know I have a tendency to embellish at times for a better story…but no joke, 50 times.  At about 48 I said, Connor if you say the word “toy” one more time you are NEVER going to play with it.  Nita of course scolded both of us.  In any case, Connor was refusing to eat because when he was “done” he’d be able to go play.  I told him, “Connor, listen buddy.  You either eat your breakfast, or you are going in time out, you pick.”  Defiantly he looked at me and in a very calm voice said, “Play with my toy, daddy?”  I said, “Your choices are eat, or time out.”  He said, “Time out.”  Record needle scratch sound.  Time stops. Dogs and cats living together. Van Halen gets back together, announces tour.  What?!!!  Connor just chose a punishment over behaving.  Oh, my.  This was our first time, and I have been informed (by laughing fathers) that it will clearly not be the last.  I think I understand what Nita was feeling when she saw Josie’s steps. NOOOOO, don’t take my sweet little boy!!!

Come back here boy!!!

We went to take Christmas pictures yesterday, and it felt like a Simpsons episode, all that was missing was the nudity…check that, Nita changed Josie for the picture in the lobby. At least it wasn’t Connor stripping down to his birthday best and mooning the store.  Not that he’s above that.  As we were looking at the proofs it was a cornucopia of faces and everyone looking at everyone instead of the camera.  It was really pretty fun picking out the card.  We were able to chuckle and relive the entire shoot.  Of course Connor was making little faces and Josephine was checking out her new shoes, Connor chanting, “Gumball gumball” the entire time.  I’m sure she was wondering where her toes went.  Then there were so many props around it was almost too much stimulus. Then of course she’d catch a glimpse of something interesting and off she went.  Meanwhile Connor being a good big brother was trying to either catch or watch Josie.  Nita and I are trying to keep looking into the lens and hope the kids were too.  I’ll post the pictures a bit after Christmas for a good chortle.  All in all both kids did great.  Connor was very well behaved and he got his gumball reward as promised. 

It’s amazing what we’ll do for a little treat isn’t it?  I remember 37 years ago getting stitches with the promise of a lollipop which I did not get by the way. But Connor will behave at the grocery store for his half doughnut and lollipop and balloon that HEB so generously provides (not the doughnut, that we purchase).  Seriously, Connor will do trigonometry if it means watching a Thomas train video or getting a cup cake.  Actually, what’s been pretty fun is Connor is way into the classics.  Knowing us, you know we’re kind of old school, so this should come as no surprise.  Connor LOVES the Wizard of Oz, Dumbo, the Aristocats, Winnie the Pooh, Jungle Book, Pinocchio, and the Robin Hood with the foxes and bears.  And to be honest, we love watching those classics with him.  We don’t deprive him of the more contemporary stuff, he watches Cars and Nemo, etc. but if given the choice, he’ll pick one of the classics. Pretty cool.

Josephine is still in to the three dimensional entertainment.  She’d rather grab things, hug stuffed animals, put things in her mouth, etc.  She’s not as interested in the video entertainment…yet.  She’ll also grab a book and scoot her way over to you, book in tow.  She then moves you into position to hold her and read her the story.  She’s a page turner as well, very participative. As for the videos, sometimes when Connor gets up to dance with one of his shows, she’ll also do a little dance or at least coo and wiggle.

Speaking of shows, it is a little weird going into this Thanksgiving.  For at least a few years, this is going to be the very last A&M vs. Texas football game.  I remember skipping several Thanksgiving dinners (to my mother’s chagrin), in order to say in College Station for the game and usually wave Cotton balls (back then when A&M won (five times in a row) we’d usually also with the South West Conference and then it was off to the Cotton bowl).  And now 115 years of tradition is slipping away.  I won’t talk about who is more or most at fault, because we’re really beyond the “why” and stuck with the “is.”  As most of you know, I went to A&M and my lovely wife went to Texas.  It has been a fun rivalry for our entire marriage with each of us buying little trinkets involving our Alma maters for the kids.  And of course last year we had to put our dog of 14 years (Rio) down at half time.  It had nothing to do with the score, he had organ failure and the after-hours emergency clinic said it was time and of course we had to be there with him to say goodbye.  I always thought I’d be able to share a virtual toast at halftime with all my friends in honor of Rio.  Now it just seems weird that it won’t happen for a while.  I hate when they move traditions.  I even hated when they moved the game off of Thanksgiving.  It just didn’t feel the same.

This year we’re heading down to Houston for a big Italian Thanksgiving, lots of Aggies, and a lot of food.  Connor will get to run around with his cousins and have a really good family experience.  And desserts!  That boy has a sweet tooth like his momma.  Josie will be passed around, cheeks pinched and her little feet may not touch the ground the whole time.  She too can put away some food; I can’t wait to hear the comments about her little appetite. In any case, we’re taking both moms and it should be a fun time for all.  I’ll let you know how it actually turned out next week.  Hopefully it won’t be a Simpsons Thanksgiving. And let’s hope the nudity is limited to Josie and the changing table.  But one never knows.

Who wants seconds?

I never had a sibling so I’ll never know personally what my kids will go through.  However, this weekend was the first (of hopefully many) joint birthday parties for Connor and Josephine.  Josie turned one on Nov 10 and Connor turns three on Nov 20.  So on November 13, we had a petting zoo party for both of them.  It was a huge hit and best of all our neighbor’s 10 year-old had a really great time.  This is the third year in a row we’ve done this and if we could squeeze this out for seven more years, I’d be tickled.  It’s super easy.  Call the mobile zoo, they come, set up the pen, dump all the animals in, kids go nuts for an hour, pony rides, redirect kids, they put up the animals, clean up the poop, and they disappear.  Can you say party in a box? 

This year was extra nice because we had that play scape put in.  So the kids weren’t watching the animals getting loaded up, they played and ran around like they being chased by bears.  It was really fun watching Connor and Josie interact with all the kids and animals this year.  I can really see the big gains from Connor’s first year.  In year one, he reached out for animals and squealed.  Year two, he chases and picks up some animals, and almost decapitates a bunny.  Year three has him chasing, and cornering the animals, picking them up and placing them where he thinks they should be.  In some cases on top of a hay bale, in others I guess they needed to be free.  Yes he dropped two chickens, a pig, and a duck outside the pen and the adults then had to chase and catch the renegade livestock.  Even the little calf made a break for it. 

This year he also had fun with the feed.  He learned to lure his prey with the feed they provided and then he’d make his move.  I liked his strategy and no animals got hurt and they certainly got fed.  Josephine woke up from her nap about half way through the zoo and we got her into the pen. She smiled, giggled, and petted many of the little goats, sheep, ducks, the foal, donkey, and calf.  She wasn’t too cool with the pony ride but come one, she’s one.  In any case, she seemed amazed that all these animals that are two dimensional in her books, or are stuffed in her room and sedentary all of a sudden came to life.  How cool that must be when everything is in discovery mode?  But she was a bit bolder than Connor was at his first one, but isn’t that the way?

As we were getting the cake and cupcakes ready for “happy birthday” and strapping the kids into their chairs, Connor’s Godmother asked, “So will this be Josie’s first sweets?”  Uh, no.  We kind of laughed about this because I guess like most parents we were so protective of Connor in year one.  No nuts, no honey, no milk, etc.  Josie’s pretty much had a free for all in the first one.  Sometimes it was Nita and I watching in horror while Josie found something on the ground that Connor was eating and she put it in her mouth.  So we’d watch, mouth agape, hoping nothing would happen…thankfully it didn’t.  J  So Josie was a bit ahead of the curve.  In fact, if I was sure she’d find her way back I’d let her check the mail, hmmm, maybe a tether or a leash of some sort… it is getting colder out you know and I don’t want to go out there this winter.  Of course I’m kidding. That really is more of a Connor job isn’t it?

In any case, we thought about all the things Josie has done earlier and laughed.  The list was pretty extensive.  Then it also made me think about those families with more than oh let’s say five.  One of my best friends in high school had 12 brothers and sisters.  His mom always had food on the stove, which of course was a treat for me.  And his dad always had beer in his tool shed fridge, which was also a treat for my friend and me. We left money in the cooler for whatever we took, and to be honest we were fairly responsible about it. While we could have taken a lot of it, we usually took a sixer, which in retrospect is probably why our “ruse” continued to work.  In any case, it made me wonder about how much the baby or at least number 11 gets away with in a family that big.  I mean if Josie’s eating pecans off the floor at nine months, is number six or seven playing with knives in the kitchen?

Plus it was a different time, I guess.  There were no car seats, helmet laws, food warnings, or anything like that.  There was a really funny episode of Mad Men a few years back where the two moms were in the kitchen smoking while the kids came running in with dry cleaning bags over their heads.  They said, “Mommy, mommy, we’re spacemen.”  Mommy’s reply was, “My dry cleaning better not be on the floor mister!”  Good times, good times.

So I guess I hope that the phrase, “Why does Connor’s/Josie’s stupid friends have to come to my party” is delayed for 7-8 years.  Because I’m telling you, one party in the middle is way preferable to two distinctly different and separate parties.  In fact, think we can run this through high school?  I’ll leave my beer fridge open.  Connor, you better leave some money, and don’t take more than a sixer sporto.

The Language of Walt.

If you ever want to know what your conversational and more specifically colloquial tendencies are hang around a 3 year old for a few months.  Connor and I have a new weekend ritual.  Either Saturday or Sunday after Nita and I have made our dinner list for the week, we go to the store, just the two of us. Nita stays with Josie.  We get a doughnut for him, a balloon with a sucker, and then the tries to convince me that he needs either another doughnut or some jellybeans for the rest of the shopping trip.  In any case I have now been informed, by him no less, that when he makes his request I say, “WHAAAAAAAAT?  (increasing in pitch all the way) That’s crazy talk.”  It was most glaringly brought to my attention Monday morning, while Connor was at the top of the stairs and said, “Daddy come here please.”  I told him that I had to get a cup of coffee first and I’d be right up.  Of course he replied, “WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT????  That’s CraAAAAzy talk daddy.” Nita looked over the ledge at me like I had specifically taught him this for that moment.

Another thing that’s going on is my son is very smart and very sneaky.  My mother was watching a basketball game (yes that long ago) with him last year and every time they’d hit a jumper she’d say “swish.”  Every miss she’d say, “Sonso!” (Stupid in Spanish).  Now you would think we might have anticipated that this was going to happen.  But in our defense we thought that we were fine until he started with complex sentence structure.  (I can feel you laughing at me by the way). So what we learned was they are little sponges who more than likely are witnesses for the prosecution.  For example when he was around one year old, we used to jokingly say when something was broken or a process was not going well that it was STOOOPIT.  So what word are we trying to break from Connor’s vocabulary now?  You’ve got it.  But now, the sneaky part.  If you remember in the film Pinocchio, a bad man leads the little boys to pleasure island (think 1940s Disney, not Barney Frank).   In any case, once the man drops off the boys in the place that will turn them into donkeys he mumbles, “Stupid little boys.”  So Connor thinks he’s getting away with it when he says, “the bad man says, (and he whispers) ‘stupid little boys.’”  Then we break into our, “good boys don’t use that word” spiel.

Luckily whenever we’re having these discussions I look over and Josephine is intently listening and concentrating.  And no she’s not just pooping.  She’s paying attention, fool me once.

Speaking of Disney, we were outside last week and Connor decided he was going to climb a tree.  So he wanted to sand on something to reach the fork in the trunk.  It happened to be a fireplace flue we’d pulled out of the outdoor fireplace.  In any case Connor was about to stand on it and I mentioned that as soon as he got on his tippy toes he’d flip it over.  So I put the long part flat and then went to take Josephine to the play scape to get her in her little playhouse/slide.  Before I took 10 steps, I heard Connor say, “ants.” This is lower case on purpose, he said it like it was curious, not dangerous. I look back and see Connor’s hand on the ground.  Now it is not without precedent that Connor puts his hands in an ant pile.  He is not allergic (thank God) and somehow seems impervious to the pain.  And I mean I’ve brushed fire ants off of him that left big welts and he just stares at his hand.  Meanwhile daddy hates ants and ant bites.  Anyway, he says, “ants” and I do a jump turn and see him on the ground.  I run over to check and start instinctively brushing his hand and there’s nothing.  Then I look at the flue and it’s got several on it.  I start my visual inspection of Connor to see if he has any on him and then …..Bingo!  He’s got one in his mouth. I brushed it out and asked if it stung him and he said, “No daddy.  I’m Baloo the bear.” And then he starts singing the bare necessities.   My Jungle book boy.  Meanwhile Josie starts squealing and dancing to the song she’s heard one hundred times.

And Action!  Connor’s latest new thing is to assign each of us roles in his re-enactment of movies.  Then he directs us through the scene.  Two of his favorites are Shrek and Cars.  In Shrek 2, I’m Shrek and he’s donkey.  He repeatedly says, “Are we there yet, are we there yet” and I explain the meaning of “far far away.”  Mercifully we only have to do this one about five times in a row.  In scene two, Connor says, “you be Mater, and I’ll be lightning McQueen.”  This is when I have to go through and do the whole tractor tipping scene.  Actually during game 6 of the World Series, we had to push pause while Pete and I both got on the ground and acted like sleeping tractors.  Connor then honked at us and we pretended to wake up from our sleep and fall backwards.  We only had to do this twice because it was bed time.  Nita is frequently a Gabor cat from the Aristocats (if you know that was funny). 

Sunday night featured the Wizard of Oz.  Of course that meant that Nita had to cackle like a witch on Monday and chase Connor around while threatening me (scarecrow), “How about a little fire Scarecrow?!!!”  Last night we were outside listening to the crickets and pond frogs.  We had to be really quiet and just about two minutes in he whispered to me, “Dumbo, Dumbo DUMBO!!”  If you don’t know or remember, there was a scene in which Timothy the mouse went to the ringmaster while he was sleeping and tried to convince him that he was his conscience and that Dumbo should be the main act.  That boy remembers everything.  And I’m glad Connor and Josie love the classics.  I think part of it is it truly is one of the nostalgia items that truly continue to live up to its memory.  And as for the other reasons, I’ll just leave it at that for the moment.  Anything more would be… Crazy talk!

Tis the Season

Normally I have to get pretty creative to find a way to put the week in a story that is hopefully entertaining, clever, and maybe a little provocative.  This week was an explosion of activities, emotions, dos and don’ts.  A full on roller coaster!  I have a feeling that this portion of the calendar will always be huge for me.  Halloween is of course Oct. 31 and Connor is really getting into it.  Nita’s birthday is Nov. 2; Josie’s birthday is Nov 10, and Connor’s birthday is Nov 20.  Plus College football is in full swing, NFL is about 1/3 of the way in, and the World Series is on.  This year had the added drama of our “Dawg Bowl” which is the two largest factions of our golf club squaring up against each other in a three day Ryder cup event that boasts roughly 64 Matches.  Yep uniforms and everything.

This year’s dawg bowl had the 3 time champions (us) taking on the 2 time champions (them).  We were in our traditional red and they switched it up and threw some orange on their normal blue.  In any case we got smoked.  Worse (although mercifully the point didn’t make a difference in the total), I was up two holes with three to play.  Instead of playing smart (like a five iron down the middle and playing for an up and down par), I got cute and tried to put him away on 16.  So I pushed a 3 wood Out of Bounds off the tee, then hit it in the hazard on 17…you get the point.  I blew it/choked, just like the Rangers had done in game six the night before.  Then my wife and kids met me at the club for dinner.  We had a really nice dinner and I even took Connor home in my golf cart.  I then settled in for game 7 of the World Series. (Authors note: I could do five pages on just games 5 and 6, but will save those of you who never played or don’t care).

Really?!!  Are you kidding me?!!  Okay, so I’m 0-3 now.  Congrats to you Cardinals fans by the way. At least A&M has Mizzou at 11 am, so I can get my mind off the devastating loss of my Rangers blowing three saves… in the same game because no one in the Ranger bull pen can throw a clutch strike.  Aaaaaand the 14 point favorite Aggies again fail to hold a double digit lead.  And again we are out-played and out-coached.  EXPLETIVE!!! Okay, well at least we have a nice little Halloween party to go to.  Connor originally wanted to be the cowardly lion from the Wizard of Oz but then changed almost at the last minute to Shrek.  He wanted to be Puss in Boots and wanted Josie to be donkey.  So it was done.

We got our costumes and I think they came out pretty cute.  Connor had been practicing his swordplay all week and so far no one had been injured as of the writing of this blog.  Josie even got to wear her donkey costume early with her modeling debut at a local retirement center Halloween fashion show.  She was a hit.  So we head to the party on Saturday, there was a table of “kid” food out.  You know: juice, fruit, candy, cookies, and pretzels.  She also had pumpkin waffles, which I thought was a fun a pretty unique party snack.  Connor is never left alone with cookies.  He has a “problem” (think Tommy Boy) with having just one.  Kind of like a crack head with a new lighter and fist full of hundreds. Connor looked over his shoulder, glanced at me and quickly grabbed a cookie.  I said nothing.  He ate another, I walked over and said, “Okay buddy, that’s enough.”  Nita handed me Josie and said she’d take Connor.  Let’s just say that over the course of the next couple of hours, Connor ate Josie’s weight in cookies.  I finally told him absolutely no more.  I came out of the house with Josie and he had grabbed one final cookie when he thought I wasn’t looking and I said, “CONNOR.”  He threw it back in the bowl and took two steps back.  It was very funny.  Thank goodness Stacey had a trampoline, or he’d still be awake.  On a side note, the only advice you should give another parent is when it’s between telling them something or calling CPS.  If, let’s just say Connor is playing in the middle of the doorway and people are having to step over and around him, then he’s in the way.  If I ask him to please move and play somewhere else and you tell me to leave him alone he’s having fun, you’ll probably get one…and I mean ONE courteous non sarcastic reply and I can’t really promise a lack of sarcasm.  If my request that my son be courteous to other guests makes you feel bad, I’m okay with that.  I’m not interested in advice on how to make him less polite or courteous.  Okay, off my chest. Thanks.  By the way, and potentially last tangent, I do not transfer my frustration of adults and college kid's athletic ineptitude onto my children.  In all honesty sometimes I might be a little shorter with Nita than I should within five minutes of the game, okay an hour.  But never with the kids, I pray that they’ll embrace and love watching games with me until they pound the last nail.

Back to the games for a second, (yes I realize how obsessive this is starting to sound).  Usually after a win, I can settle in and see what else is on or just switch to another game.  When I have a devastating loss (much less four in a row, at this point), I have to turn off my phone, go outside, or do some chores.  It just so happens that I was able to do some daddy children time while Nita was getting Sunday dinner ready.  So I was outside pushing both kids on the swings and Connor wanted to give me a high five.  Josie is also doing some pretty fun mimicry right now. I look over and Josie has extended her hand to do the same.  I made a wolf man howl, Connor matched and not far behind was Josephine.  If Connor growls and we all look at Josie, she’ll growl as well.  Connor is also assigning roles for people to play in his pretend games.  He asked me to be a waffle last night.  So I held my hands up and just swayed.  He thought it was hilarious.  He then asked Nita to be a waffle, so of course, she was.  Both grandmothers were over for dinner to help pass out candy while we went trick-or-treating, so they too were asked to be “waffles.”  The crescendo was when we stopped, there was Josie, hands up, big smile and swaying.  I then said, “Josie, be a waffle!”  She threw her hands up and started swaying again.  We howled.  She is really becoming way more participative, sometimes too much for Connor’s taste. Connor still calls her Godzilla.  Because every time he’s playing with something that requires assembly of multiple pieces, she’ll be along shortly to destroy it.

Halloween had us all ready for some evening fun and our neighborhood, like during Christmas, goes all out.  By the way, of course the Cowboys lost to cap off the WORST sports week I’ve ever endured and that includes multiple broken bones, sprains, pulls, devastating losses, strike outs, walk offs, missed tackles, missed baskets, three-putts, and every other personal and team mess up I’ve been a part of in my four decades of sports play.  I’m not sure if it’s worse if you actually do the mess up or if you watch something completely out of your control and still tie yourself emotionally to it.  (This might be next week’s blog I think, about taking responsibility for your own happiness, not sure yet.  I’m not an unhappy person but good Lord can someone please finish a tackle, throw a strike, and catch a stinking football)?  In any case the back-to-back-to-back losses were devastating, thank God for my wife and kids and all the fun we had when I wasn’t tying my noose after each game.

Connor couldn’t wait to get rolling.  He was eyeing the candy in our own bowl and kept reaching for it.  We told him to wait that he’d get his own candy and his was in his spider bag.  He started very slowly asking to open just one piece.  We did.  After another two houses, he asked for another, “open it please, pleeeeeeaaaaseeeeee.”  We did.  By the end, he was trying to chew through the wrappers.  This boy was jacked up.  He was however, very polite and only forgot to say “trick or treat” twice.  On those occasions when prompted to say his part he said, “I want some candy.”  It was cuter than I’m making it sound, but we all had a great time.  He also had fun with all the displays and motion activated ghosts and zombies.  Last year he was a little skittish, this year he would see the ghost and say, “Daddy what does that one do?  Turn it on daddy.” Also, Nita told me he woke up this morning and said he “needed his spider bucket (candy bag)” if that tells you anything.

Lastly our nanny brought us a DVD called Scared Shrekless. It was the shrek gang dancing to the Thriller video.  It also gave us the excuse to show him the original thriller vid.  Still a classic!  Finally, and don’t worry this will be another blog, I know we’re over time here, while playing outside Sunday, our neighbor was mowing the lawn.  Connor said, “Daddy what’s he doing?”  I laughed, I’ve used a lawn service for about 10 or so years now so Connor has never seen daddy push a mower.  But those of you who count our friendship in decades know where I grew up and that I’ve done enough lawn mowing, wheelbarrow full of rocks carting, and well let’s just say it:  I was the Mexican labor for the family.  Again, another time.  Happy Halloween and God bless y’all.  I’d also like to extend a very Happy Birthday to my sweet wife Nita.  Now will someone please win a F*&^%$G ball game for me?

Friends and Family

As Nita was getting Josephine ready for bed and I was tickling Connor in to breathlessness last night, he managed to get out our little safe phrase.  “I need a break.”  While he was recovering, he said, “Daddy I love you.”  I said, “Connor I love you too, you know that right?”  He said, “Yes!”  I pushed, “How do you know Daddy loves you?”  He said, “Because you are my friend.” 

I know this is a relatively short lived phase of absolute adoration and dependence and of course I am REALLY enjoying it, but I also know it is my responsibility to see the bigger picture.  Nita and I had an argument/discussion the other day about consistency and discipline.  We’re also interviewing new nanny candidates. (I know, but Amy is moving to Dallas, I swear we’re not running them off.  In fact I think it’s the opposite.  We find the best women with tons of upside and potential, and eventually someone else sees what we saw in these lovely and talented ladies and they move on to bigger and better things. Some marry millionaires). In any case the question of discipline came up. 

As we discussed our philosophy on positive reinforcement I also had to bring up that in the end, we are the adults and it is our moral obligation to both our children and society to not raise bratty kids.  This brought up the discussion in question when I told Nita to stop letting Connor play with my tools.  Because: a) My time is so limited now, when I want squeeze in a quick project I want to know where all my stuff is and not waste 20 minutes looking for something that is no longer where I left it; b) Connor has a zillion toys, a huge yard, and hundreds of books; c) As Mick Jagger said, “you can’t always get what you want; and d) he needs to learn that there are some things that adults do, say, and drink that are not appropriate for children.  I told her it takes no effort to be friends with a toddler, you give them everything they want.  The great parents are the ones that have children to say yes sir and no ma’am.  They call you by your last name.  (I still call my parent’s friends by their last names and I’m 42).  They come when you call them, not when they are done playing.  Nita is a little less consistent on this. 

We have our different styles for sure, and I’m not saying I’m always right or perfect.  For example, when Nita is juggling both kids and trying to do a third task, she’s more inclined to let Connor just hold or play with something that has piqued his curiosity to placate him for the moment to finish her task.  I will happily put on a video and give him a snack or some milk and go about my task.  She thinks he’s watching too much T.V. and I don’t want him playing with my tools, salt, pepper, scissors, staplers, etc.  We’re getting there.

The point is, I have an easier time telling Connor “no” and I’m more inclined to spend more time attempting to help him understand that what he’s doing is not appropriate.  And I know how important it is to teach these life lessons early, build a strong foundation, and help build character.  Connor knows when he’s done something wrong and when I reinforce it he sometimes gets upset.  I try to help him understand what he did was wrong and why.  And he definitely knows my “having fun” voice and my “right now mister” voice.  He does not get confused with me.  And he still smiles and runs into my arms every time I come home from work or from a trip.  Discipline does not mean you don’t love your children, it means the opposite.  I firmly believe that children are looking for boundaries and once established are more comfortable.  They know the line, check to see if it’s moved occasionally, but in the end like knowing where the edge of the earth is.  I’ve had my share of dumb ass moments through the years and thank God there were no camera phones and red light cameras back in the day, but all in all I was a pretty good kid.  I never missed a curfew and never got arrested… okay, never indicted. ;)  But I knew my limits and I didn’t wonder if, I knew there were consequences if I crossed the line. (All you veteran parents out there rolling your eyes, I know it doesn’t get easier, but this is my blog and the kids are young.  We’ll see what happens in a few years)

When heading over to a friend’s house for Game 5 of the World Series, another friend and I were talking about the discipline thing.  He said that too many of the women he’s been dating lately are “friends” with their kids.  The kids are brats, they have no respect for the parent unless they are being given exactly what they want (sounds like some folks on a famous street in NY, but I digress).”  We then told a few stories about the impact moments in our lives from our fathers.  They both included very attention getting scenarios shall we say and the lessons were clearly never forgotten.  And my love for my father and he for his is untarnished.  I miss dad so much I can’t even stand it sometimes and he died in 1996.  He was far from easy on me and I remember very clearly on time when I told him he wasn’t my friend. The scene was by the car in front of the garage.  I wanted to do something and he wouldn’t let me.  I said he just wanted to control me. He said he was trying to be my friend.  Then I said he wasn’t my friend.  He said, “Someday you’ll regret saying that.  Your dumbass friends only care what they can get from you today, I care about your future and everything you’ll ever be. I’m teaching you to be a man. I’m more of a friend than you’ll ever know.”

He was right, I still hear that conversation and it haunts me.  I am preparing myself for when Connor says it to me, and of course I’ll deserve it.  I may not deserve it for the moment when it’s delivered, but definitely for past sins.  In any case, I loved hearing Connor tell me that I was his friend last night.  But I know my job is bigger than being a buddy to a toddler.  Connor, I care about your future and everything you’ll ever be.  I hope that I’m teaching you to be a man and I hope someday you know how much of a friend I really am.”  Unfortunately Josie is so damn cute she gets everything she wants, I hope she marries a rich guy or life is going to be pretty down-hill from here.

Authors note: Nita was/is mad at me for this post.  I want to make the point that I was not being critical of her style specifically, but rather state the lessons my father taught me are key to my strategy with Connor.  I have very fond memories of mom slipping me a $20 here and there although she wasn't necessarily doing me any favors.  We've all heard the term, "Wait 'til your father gets home."  It doesn't mean mommy is weak, it just means that daddy metes out the punishment.  I was also trying to say that our home has a discipline strategy while many others are a free-for-all.  We've all seen the results of the misguided individuals who can't ever seem to get their stuff straight.  There are also many examples of folks who had good upbringings and the kids still strayed, and of course the opposite where kids from a free-for-all home became wonderful success stories.  In any case, Nita is a great mom and a wonderful parent, we both very much believe in action consequence. 

Three “Children.”

In the movie Rockstar Matthew Glave (playing “Izzy’s" brother) starts poking Mark Wahlberg.  Mark jumps up and pounds him. In the movie Stepbrothers, Will Farrel and John C Reilly lie in bed and threaten each other repeatedly, and eventually Farrell tries to bury Reilly alive.  (While searching for quotes from this movie, I was laughing hysterically in my office.  People probably think I’m nuts). Also, my best friends have kids that are just a tad older than Connor and Josephine and I’ve witnessed the interactions and more than likely peered into our future.  So I was completely shocked when Nita came into my home office the other day and said, “I need the camera.”  I curiously followed her into Connor’s room and there was Connor sleeping, and Josie was finger in his face about to wake him up. 

I thought Nita was insane.  I figured Connor would either throw a short right or mule-kick her across the room.  I prepared myself for this and hoped for the best.  Luckily, all he did was follow his training twice!  How good is that?  We’ve been trying to teach him not to push or kick Josie, slap things out of her hand, or grab things away from her that are his.  Instead he is supposed to ask for our help and we’ll take care of the situation.  Don’t y’all worry about Connor’s future; this is about not beating on his sister. I don’t plan on raising Gandhi and he will get some MMA learnin’ later.  In any case he opened his eyes and Josie was reaching for his lovie and he said, “MaaaaaaaaaahhhM! I need you! Tell Josie NO!”  This, by the way, is much easier to fix than a mule-kick.  It was pretty cute, Josephine then crawled up on his little bed and was pretty sweet. She loves her some Connor right now.

Remember how I mentioned that I always have some sort of project going on?  Well, a few years ago (if you are on the Christmas list you remember the story about “two Mexicans and a few beers?”  Well, the huge outdoor fireplace we built was used about four times.  Each time (since by definition it’s cold and windy) the smoke would end up blowing into the house or at least stay under the patio and we’d have to run the fans to help it dissipate.  So it was too smokey to really have any functional value.  Also a couple of years ago, for Christmas we got mom some gas fireplace logs and a burner.  Now whenever she wants a fire, she just turns the key and poof, instant fire.  When she’s done, click, she’s done.  No muss, no fuss.  So I started thinking…why not an outdoor gas fire pit.  This also enabled us to channel our inner Tool time Tim and demolish the old fireplace.  We are now building the new fire pit.  I’m rigging up a couple of small propane tanks (we don’t have gas in our neighborhood and we live on rock and I’m not going to rent a jackhammer crew to bury a 500 gallon tank) to the pit for a similar feel.  Kind of like the fire pits at Steiner ranch steakhouse if you’ve been on the patio.  Lava Rocks, some embers, maybe some logs, still deciding what will go in the middle. 

The other major advantage of the fire pit versus fireplace, was now you can see the entire back yard including the play scape from both our security camera and the kitchen sink window.  The camera feature is awesome because I have a live feed to my smart phone.  When I’m traveling and on the road, I can still steal a few minutes by watching my kids playing outside.  It’s a pretty nice treat and always makes me smile.  The main reason for this story is once again, the bobcat had to make another visit.  Connor excitedly got to see the bobcat at work.  The guys left it overnight and of course Connor had to go play on it.  He had a big time and even brought over his little front loader to “help.”  The cutest part was when he was taking parts of the flagstone out of the bobcat’s bucket and putting into his little front loader to assist. 

Josie meanwhile was really doing us a favor.  She was enjoying all of the toys we bought Connor when he was one.  She loves playing on his little house/slide, loves his little car, and his Winnie the Pooh riding toy.  So much so that I’m wondering, “do I need to buy her presents?”  Can’t I just either re-wrap or just present her with Connor’s hand me down toys that he has outgrown?  I mean we really did go a little nuts with Connor and most of his things are still in great condition.  Am I a bad parent?  I mean sure some of the stuff is a little gender specific and Nita is talking about getting her some dolls and a baby, but the big stuff should be fine right?  Good, I thought so too.  Besides, in this economy… well you know. 

So the weather is turning just in time for the fire pit.  I envision a S’mores night in the near future, or maybe even a glass of wine under the stars after we get the kids to bed night.  Someone told Nita and me that our marriage was like a child.  We need to nurture and encourage that child as much as much as our own children.  It’s hard when you’re not sleeping through the night because one of the non-metaphorical children start crying, have night terrors, or are cutting teeth.  But we’re still trying to make some time for each other.  A friend told me once that there are periods of time where you hate your spouse while at the same time are lost in adoration with your children.  I thought he was out of his mind, but I’m sure all of you have had that moment(s) when you are completely out of patience, exhausted, and your spouse just says exactly what you don’t need or want to hear.  So I can see where he was coming from.  Then I thought about how our third (technically first) child reacted to its siblings.  Not quite a mule-kick, but there was definitely some pouting.  There were clearly times when it threw tantrums, felt jealous, envious, and needed attention.  And in all honesty we neglected it a little bit.  Luckily we were able to recognize it and get back on track.  I’m sure most if not all of you have gone through this.  No one ever said this was easy, but our rewards are huge.  I was swinging Connor in the swing set last night and just out of the blue he said, “Daddy, I love you.”  Didn’t ask for anything, wasn’t trying to manipulate me, just made a matter of fact statement.  How did I feel?!  So we’re all doing fine and doing our best to love and nurture all “three” of our kids.  That’s a metaphor mom, we are not pregnant.