Three year olds have an exponential learning curve. They can connect dots and make some logical (and some not so logical) leaps. They are constantly learning new things and then attempt to categorize them into their silos of knowledge. It is quite fun to watch. One year olds who are younger siblings, catch on to things much more quickly and like the kid who doesn’t get the joke on the playground but laughs hysterically anyway, will give you the exact feedback as the older sibling(s). I’m not sure if it’s pure mimicry or the early socialization of needing to belong to the pack. In any case, as I watch these things taking place, it’s both entertaining and eye opening.
Marriage is a funny thing. You start off where you can’t keep your hands off each other and you want to spend every second together. Every moment apart is a painful yearning to rejoin your soul mate. You get engaged and then get caught up in a whirlwind of wedding planning, catering, cake tasting, colors, flowers, limos, DJs, and check writing. Then you go on the honeymoon. You come back and realize that at one time you were capable of making all of your own decisions, and this is no longer that time. You lose a little independence but gain a partner. Things that you would do for yourself are now being done for you. Pretty nice trade off. Then you get your place together and now that independence is completely gone. Your individuality is left to girls nights, book clubs, the golf course, and sporting events, where you are routinely ridiculed by your friends (who are brave in your presence but bask in their submission once they return home). At all other times you are a unit, joined, and you’ve got rings to prove it. Then you have the brilliant Idea to start a family. You thought you’d lost control of your independence before? Ha, at least before you could be spontaneous. That day as you know is now gone. Spontaneity means getting a sitter, planning leave time, traffic, arrival time, when to depart, return, and constantly calling or texting to ensure the kids are okay/asleep and whether or not they ate well. So you have this little pooping, puking, crying extension of yourself and you can’t believe it’s possible to love anything more than this child.
As your child grows you start to get the hang of the routine and he/she sleeps through the night. You feel emboldened and decide to have another. You forget that part of getting the hang of the routine was the free time you were given while your spouse was taking care of the child. You could split time and still go accomplish your goals, watch a show, read a book, play golf, work, etc. Now you are officially tethered to a child. A common statement when deciding to take them out of the house is “which one do you want, pick one.” As these children get older and more mobile they start learning things. They love to hold things, put them in their mouths, and crawl or walk up and down stairs. They love textures, poisons, sharp objects, and things that can easily get stuck in their throats. Then they start talking. This is fun until you prick your thumb pulling dead rose vines out of your yard and then try to convince your child that what you said was “Skunk” before you wife gets home from shopping. Meanwhile he’s dropping F-bombs like a Sopranos episode. Of course it didn’t work.
Now comes the fun part, discipline. I know it took a long time to get here but Nita and I have had a little different philosophy on how we teach and model behavior for the kids. And to be honest, you take the aggregate of our relationship and toss around some struggles for independence and identity, mix in a dash of stubborn, and a healthy pinch of ego and you can see that it wasn’t all rainbows and unicorns. That being said we made a HUGE breakthrough on our discipline strategy. The “what” isn’t nearly as relevant as the fact that we are fundamentally on the same page now with each of us including parts that were important to us. And I can see the children responding already.
This new strategy found two very obedient children enjoying a very nice dinner. We had a very pleasant conversation, talked about our days and did some fun storytelling. And then I pulled out a classic. Knock knock! who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive you. Connor HOWLED and giggled and begged us to tell it again and again. He then took over and was telling the whole joke and jumping the punch line. Josie meanwhile was laughing and clapping and trying to say knock knock. It sounded more like “nah nah” but adorable nonetheless. Then we went right into “boo.” Boo who? Why are you crying?” And of course “Doris!” Doris who? Doris locked, that’s why I’m knocking.
The transformation from single independent to married with children is a bumpy, taxing and fantastic journey. For those of your veteran mommies and daddies out there, Orange you glad you did it too?
No comments:
Post a Comment