Mind Body and Soul

Mind body and soul

Sometimes we all need a recharge and it comes in so many different forms. I took my family to South Padre Island this week and we got a healthy dose of all of it.  My wife thinks I’m nuts for scheduling things the way I do, but we missed a lot of traffic and practically had the beach and condo complex to ourselves for more than half of the trip.  Our lodging was nice and faced the ocean.  Plus I was able to skip a week of chemotherapy. After the full Monte last time, it was a very welcome break.  But this coming Monday, I’m back on the drip/pump. I'm not looking forward to it, but I still have the weekend.

The ocean has always had a calming effect on me.  Sometimes just listening to waves crash, or watching the gulls scavenge or dive for bread thrown by a certain red head or little brown haired girl makes me smile.  Thoughts of the outside world seem to just drift away.  The feeling is hard to describe, but it is something I suppose is like runners feel when they are in the zone. 

Thursday we went fishing.  It was a blast.  We had to dodge some rain and lightning, but we still were able to wet a few hooks.  The fun part is the battle between man and fish.  Now I’m not going to get all The Old Man and the Sea with you, but you kind of have to acknowledge that there is a struggle and a balance in order to find the right formula to land those keepers.  And there is a calm and peace required to truly enjoy it.  There is the responsibility to throw back the little ones and sometimes even the keepers. Plus you are out on the water feeling the ebb and flow of the water and you have to shift weight to marry the balance of the boat as the waves hit the sides.  Again, to find the balance you have to be aware of all aspects of your surroundings while still trying to keep a certain red headed boy from crossing lines and not jumping in the water because he saw a fish swim by.  In short there are a lot of moving parts and you have to feel your way through all of them while not even thinking about them.  And the calm and fluidity of the moment just beats down on you like the sun.  It’s easy to get lost in such moments.

This week provided a healthy dose of friends and family.  We have both who are based in south Texas and we don’t get to see each other as much as we’d like.  So we took full advantage of it.  The stories came flooding back our younger days of baseball, tomfoolery, and times hunting, fishing, and being on the beach.  We must have told a lot of them because at one point both of our sons said, “enough with the old time stories!”  If they only knew the good ones. ;)  There was also a great tranquility while discussing family promises, commitments, and love.  I was again given another reason to exhale.  Thanks Cousins.

In addition to the rejuvenation that comes from reminiscing, I also watched a couple of movies.  Both somewhat spiritual in nature.  The Order with Heath Ledger and 7 Days in Utopia with Robert Duvall.  Both have completely different messages.  One is an almost campy film about finding absolution without God and is somewhat dark.  There are demons and other things around us that we cannot see unless we have been trained to see them. The other is about a golfer who had lost his way.  After blowing a big lead in a tournament he ends up in Utopia, Texas.  The funny thing is a buddy and I were going to be extras in the movie, but that is a long story.  Anyway, this kid runs into a cowboy Zen master who helps him find his game and peace.  There is even a day when they go fly fishing to help him find his balance.  In order to help his golf, he needs to find his balance in the world and be in the moment.  He learns that once you find peace, the rest of your life can fit together.  More importantly when you find the order, or perhaps it finds you, things start to come together. 

Without peace, you can still succeed, but there is a lot of baggage that comes with it and often you lose other things that you may not value appropriately.  Without knowledge and faith, you are not properly equipped to deal with those things lurking on the periphery. So these two movies helped me reflect on my own situation and when and where in my life I found peace, lost it and found it again.  I think it is hard for some people to understand where I am right now.  So many people want me to be healed, so many want the miracle to happen right now.  What I have discovered is that things don’t always happen when we want them to or how we expect them to happen.

That has been a very large part of my discovery during this journey.  Finding peace allows so much more to become visible.  It’s not that it wasn’t there…I simply didn’t know where to look or how to see it.  Having faith allows you to deal with those things that you haven’t seen or were unwilling to see.  And possibly most importantly I’ve been able to rediscover the beauty of just being with family.  Remember that new baby smell?  That feeling as a new parent when your child was resting in the crook of your elbow and your heart was just bursting?  You can have that feeling again, even when your children are begging to visit every gift shop and chirping for a second ice cream sandwich before dinner.  The smiles, laughter, and innocence are on full display as you watch them chasing sand crabs with head lamps and small fishing nets on the beach.  By the way, Connor learned a trick where you turn the crab upside down, rub it’s belly and the crab goes to sleep.  Yes it really works, we saw it happen several times…and no he didn’t kill the crab.  It was crazy. I swear that boy is going to have a TV show.

Crab goes to sleep - Connor whisperer.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I am saved.  I’m not cured, I might never be, but I’m saved.  My faith is strong and I have rediscovered that “new baby smell” with my family.  It is pretty awesome.  I have a lot of family and friends who have come to see me, spend time with me, and share with me.  Many of them are at a loss for words, so they tell stories of the old days.  And those are great, and healing. 

This week I laughed until I was crying reliving some of the old crazy stuff we did.  And we told our kids stories of our old baseball triumphs, and even wrestling for who would get which bunk in the hotel on South Padre Island 25 years ago.  We laughed about being so poor that we couldn’t afford “Island liquor,” bumming rides, and pooling money to buy a whole pizza to split.

So when you find yourself in a situation where you are around a sick friend, there is no perfect thing to say.  You don’t need to save their soul, you don’t need to find “the words.”  Just be the friend you were when you first became friends. Tell those same sappy stories you’ve told and heard 100 times.  They are a great escape from the reality and they play like a movie in your head.  And you know it, you can feel it.  When you are telling those stories you can see, smell, and hear the place you were at the time. And when your friend is sick, they are very aware of their illness.  Most don’t mind talking about it.  There aren’t many stupid questions. So fire away but most importantly be present.  You never know what the last thing they remember will be, or story they share…it just might be that crazy time you both went down to…good times.  TeamMarco@austin.rr.com