You Earned it Dad

 

Wow, what a Saturday night.  I went out last night and really tied one on.  I was given two tickets to the A&M v. Michigan baseball game today in College Station.  I asked dad if he wanted to go earlier in the week and he said yes.  But good Lord, I am so hung over.  I’m going to call mom and see if maybe he’s forgotten about it.

Well there goes that plan.  Mom just said he’s been talking about this trip all week.  I told her not to tell him about my possible reneging, and to just meet me at the Red Lion parking lot like we’d planned.  We’ll take 290 and hit Hwy 21 from there.  Besides I need to talk to him.  I got that job offer in Phoenix and I really thinking about doing it.  My job at the Capitol is okay, but it’s a little light on the checkbook if you know what I mean.  And the Phoenix job is almost double the salary.  So it’ll be nice to see what he thinks and how he’ll criticize it.

Okay on our way to College station.  Dad has lost quite a bit of weight since his quadruple bypass last June.  He’s been exercising, eating better, and playing tennis twice a week.  He asks me about work and I tell him about my offer and how much more money it is.  He waits for me to tell all my pros and pauses to let it all sink in.  He then very thoughtfully asks me how I intend to entertain myself.  What?  He says, currently you and Omar go out to Dallas for 69 cent drinks, and what do you spend on your typical nights out?  How about laundry?  You come home and mother does a couple of loads for you.  How much time and money might that cost?  And you’ll probably come home for holidays, right?  Have you priced out the flights for that?  And you don’t know anyone there yet, so back to my first question how will you entertain yourself?  You’ll either need cable, or you’ll go out more to try to meet some folks.  Here you and Omar can just meet for a dollar movie.  What is the price of gas there?  Where would you live?  Do you have any idea of where the good parts and bad parts of town are? And how far your office would be from there?  How much is food?  Don’t forget to make a budget with soft costs included.

In any case he challenged me to create a ledger of actual costs today, soft costs, and then align the two to see what the true increase in salary was.  Thank goodness he did this because a couple of years later I found out a funny thing about tax brackets, damn revenuers.

So we got to College Station and went straight to a BBQ joint I used to love.  We found our seats and watched the Aggies bring it home.  Dad and I ragged the umps and he kept a score card.  We talked about which guys might move up.  Then it started getting colder and halfway through game two versus Old Dominion, we headed home.  The drive had me really thinking that maybe Phoenix might not be the place for me, but I would go home and pray about it.

We got to my truck in the Red Lion parking lot and I gave dad a hug and I told him I loved him.  We talked weekly and I did love him, but I didn’t always say it to him. A habit I have since changed by the way.  I drove home and was about to go to bed because I had work tomorrow.  Dad called me just before bed and asked me how Omar had done at the Honda Classic.  I told him he had another top 25, his fourth in six events.  Again I told him I loved him and that I had fun today.

Around 1AM my roommate “steroid” Joe came into my room and said, “Marco, MARCO!  Wake up man.  You have to come listen to this message.”  I asked him what was up and he just repeated that I had to listen to the message.  I went over to the machine and pushed play.  It was my mother’s neighbor Mrs. Lowden.  She said that the ambulance was there and my father wasn’t breathing and that I needed to come home right away.  I called home immediately and I noticed that Joe had buried his face in his hands.  I asked what was going on and they said, “Just come home.”  I told them that I was on my way, but when Star Flight got there and they moved him to Brack (our major trauma center) just page me with7777777.  I would know to break off my route and meet them there. I jumped in my truck and started racing home to Manchaca from my northwest Austin rental.  I was an EMT and I know how the timing of things works.  I knew the steps and kept looking at my pager.  Why haven’t they beeped me yet?  What is going on?

I got to the upper deck and realized that I was never going to get a page and that I’d just spent my last day with my father.  I cried for the next 10 miles knowing that I had to be strong for mom.  I got there and there were sheriffs, firemen, volunteer EMS from my old unit, and neighbors.  I had so many thoughts going through my head.  It was weird in a sense because I had been on the other side of the flashing lights before and never really empathized with the victim’s families, I was just doing my job.  I saw a lot of the same blank looks, the looks that allow you to continue to keep doing that service and stay focused and professional.  But some who had worked with me did feel something and it showed. 

I got inside and my mother was in shambles.  God bless her she just wanted to hold my father just a little longer.  I gave her very logical advice that was just plain stupid over the next few weeks.  I thought it would help her, but I wish I would have just been more patient.  I wish I could take some of that time back.

Omar’s dad was there.  He pulled me over and gave me a stern but understanding look.  “Marco, okay, we need to make some decisions.  And I need you to focus.  Are you ready?  We need to make a list of the people to contact.  You need to make a list of pall bearers.  We need to call the church for the last rites.  And we need to write an obituary.”  I had tasks and I was ready to dive into the details.  We called a dear friend Robert Falcon to come and help with the body and he said he’d called Father Hal Zinc (who died just before he could Marry Nita and I), to come and prepare the body.  Father Hal also set the land speed record for Hail Marys’ as my friends can attest from the Rosary.

My mother told me that he said what a wonderful day he had with me.  When they went to bed he kissed her, told her he loved her, and went to sleep.  Mom woke up to hear his last gasp and he died of a heart attack.  She called 911 and a neighbor. I often think, what if I would have cancelled our trip. 

I started writing my father’s eulogy the next day.  My friends Pete, Richard, and Natalie came over and hung out with me while I tried to work things out.  Omar’s brother, Javier came over and did everything.  He drove us around, got the car inspected, got groceries, everything.  My friend Jill who was a travel agent in Missouri, put Omar on a plane home to be with me for the funeral, he stood by me while I delivered the eulogy in case I couldn’t finish it.  He flew back immediately to play the Bay Hill invitational.  Rusty stayed behind to walk the course while Omar missed the week of practice rounds.  The outpouring of support and love for him was amazing.  People came from all over to say goodbye and to offer their condolences.

It has been 17 years since that night.  I think of him often.  I channel him frequently and Nita and I even argue sometimes about his maniacal quest for betterment, and what he “really meant.”  I converted some VHS tapes to DVD a few years back and I found one with us just hanging out in our old house in Manchaca.  He was just playing with his little dog Chico.  I had forgotten his voice, but not his face or his message.  In fact I still hear his sayings in my head.  I frequently ask myself what dad would do in a certain situation. I’m glad I have the disc, so I can make sure that the kids can see and hear their Abuelito.  And funny enough, yesterday mom was over for dinner and she asked, “Don’t you ever get tired of me?”  I said, “Well, maybe someday Josie or Connor won’t be tired of me coming to dinner.”  We hugged and she thanked me.

I was watching Saving Private Ryan the other day and the scene where the old Ryan drops down on his knees and asks if he was a good man, did he “earn” being saved.  Well there is no doubt that dad earned it.  Thanks for everything. I still love you, I still miss you.  I still have time to earn it, and I won’t let you down. 

Those Amazing Animals

This was a pretty fun weekend for the Martinez clan.  We took Connor and Josephine to the circus on Saturday and Sunday the neighbor’s cat came to play with the kids…again.  Next weekend is the Broadway across America show, “The Lion King” which Connor is pretty excited about.

First the circus.  My friend Pete told me that you could actually ride elephants at the Shrine circus as opposed to the Barnum and Bailey circus (which we also attended last summer).  So when I got the notice that the shrine circus was coming (and to the Cedar Park center no less), it was a no brainer.  We built it up for Connor and Josephine and by the time we were having breakfast the morning of, both were champing at the bit.  When we got inside, we asked the kids if they wanted to ride the camel or the elephant.  Both said “ELEPHANT” although Connor wanted to pet a camel.  They smiled, waived and enjoyed the ride.  Then Josie wanted to ride the Camel, but Connor thought he’d “trade” his camel ride for a snake hold.  Yes there was a 10 foot python, okay, maybe six, but still my little man is four, so, well it was a big assed snake.

There was Connor who has been watching at least four episodes of crocodile hunter a week for the last two months.  Many of them involve snakes and he’s already fearless.  So while other kids were squeamishly avoiding the snake and cowering, Connor could not wait to pet and hold the snake.  So the lady put it around his neck and he was in heaven.  Now if you’ve ever seen a snake episode of Crocodile hunter and, while I’m here…  How the hell did Steve Irwin last as long as he did?  I remember casually seeing a scene here and there a couple of decades ago and when I heard he’d been killed by a sting ray I figured it was pure dumb luck.  But this guy CONSTANTLY put himself in situations where he should have been medevac-ed to a major trauma center.  When I grew up (still with me?) it was Marlon Perkins on the Mutual of Omaha Wild Kingdom.  He’d be in a jeep 1000 yards away with a microphone while his sidekick Jim was nearly getting decapitated by a lion.  I think Steve Irwin decided… “Who needs Jim?” Anyway, so when Irwin grabs a snake (usually an extremely poisonous death on contact type) he grabs it by the tail.  So when Connor was having the snake pulled away from him he reached for the tail.  The handler very politely said not to do that, but I knew what it was all about…and they were lucky because I’d bet 10 bucks that as soon as he grabbed the tail he was going to look at me and break into an Australian accent.  Yep Connor does accents.

So we make our way to our seats and then the candy stand comes to life.  Remember in Beauty and the Beast when Belle’s Dad freaks out a little when all the clocks, and furniture, and tea set, etc. all start talking to him?  Okay, so I get it, I’m in marketing and I am not shocked, but it doesn’t make me less annoyed.  Every 10 seconds a new vendor comes up the steps with another sugared product, worthless light up product, or a stuffed version of whatever act is going on.  Again, I get the genius of pushing this in the face of children at the perfect time at a time when parents can go to prison for telling a child to “shut up” too loudly.  But it was over the top.  It was so over the top they were blocking views of the acts.  It was so over the top, there was a point in the show when the emcee told everyone to hold their light up products in the darkened arena to show where the special people where and then even cautioned parents that these worthless (20 bucks of worthless) toys were made especially for this show and could not be purchased EVER again in stores or on the internet.  Really?  I laughed when some very sweet grandparents bought their little, I don’t know four, five, maybe three year-old a light-up product and within two minutes he’d dropped it on the floor breaking it.  Of course all sales are final.  If I ever started to sell drugs and needed to launder the money, I’m buying a circus.  Seriously how does a normal family go to the circus and not blow the rent and grocery money for the month?  I mean we were in for 75 bucks before we got to our seats.

The volume in the arena was also unbelievably high.  I’m guessing to drown out all the pan handlers on every aisle, but also I guess suppress the crying, and screaming.  In any case, it was a bit much for Connor so he said he wanted a break from the noise.  We went down and grabbed some lunch.  Continuing with the expense theme, some guy noticed the hot dog, chicken strips, hamburger, and chicken sandwich we were all sharing and said, “That looks like a healthy hundred dollar meal.”  I think I even saw a brinks truck pulling up at intermission.  The second act came around and it was more animals and fun and we really did enjoy the show over the heads of the pusher guys who were I’m sure terribly missed from the street corners from which they were plucked.  The semi-mistake I made was getting some peanut m&ms for dessert.  Josie turned into a crack head and didn’t even want to watch the show, she just wanted the candy.  The best part was as soon as they came down from the sugar rush and we got home.  Bang, they were pooped and in bed for naps.

The next day our neighbor’s cat came by.  This cat has been coming by when the kids are outside and they chase him around and he runs around with them.  The cutest thing happened Sunday though.  I’m not sure how it happened, but we ended up with an entire tube of yarn outside.  Anyway, as is always the case with yarn, there is a string about 10-15 feet long that’d been pulled out of the main tube.  Connor started running with it and the cat was chasing Connor and the yarn.  He’d pounce on the end and Connor would keep running making the string even longer.  Then Josie got in the act.  They were running, falling, laughing, yelling for the cat to get the other one, and it was hysterical.  Nita and I were doubling over with how funny this was.  It was a really good time.  We’ve all seen cats and string, but I really wish I would have taped it, this was one of those funniest home video winners I think.  The cat was tired, the kids were filthy, and I hadn’t laughed that hard in a while.  Now I’m off to sell some blood to pay for the circus.

 

Christmas letter 2012

It was another big year at the Martinez household; Nita worked from home full-time, we put off the bathroom project, and we didn’t get the dog…yet.  We took a few trips and the kids grow up quick.  I hope you all had a wonderful year as well, so settle in, grab that cocoa, and let’s do this.

The Emerging Athlete.  As a year-round athlete since I was five, I have always been concerned about NOT pushing Connor too fast or too early.  In fact I’ve been trying to let him to want to play sports more than I want him to do it.  So I’ve exposed him to sports, but haven’t pushed at all.  Between flights from a trip Nita told me she signed him up for Soccer tots.  I almost threw up.  Not only was this not part of the plan, but to potentially blow the whole thing…by soccer no less.  Ugh. I asked how she got the idea and she said a couple of the ladies she likes from Connor’s school had signed up their kids.  Now both of them are from soccer-crazed countries and don’t realize no one in America cares about soccer.  In fact I think their kids were born with Arsenal and AC Milan jerseys as swaddling clothes. I was concerned Connor might get overwhelmed because we’ve NEVER kicked a soccer ball around the house.  Ever. Well the good news is I was able to make it to the third event and I laughed as all the other kids were kicking the ball and doing the drills and Connor was just running around aimlessly and doing his own thing.  Phew, disaster averted.

Pachina.  We read that children who know the correct anatomical names of their junk are far less likely to be abused.  The theory is that child predators use silly names that seem innocuous, even if the child potentially relays that information to the parents.  So we’ve been a “penis” and “vagina” family from the beginning.  The kids know what is what although; Josie pronounces it “PAH-china.”  So one day after a big rain storm the kids were out playing in puddles.  Connor was still in potty training mode and he said, “I’m going to put my penis in the puddle.”  Josie, not wanting to be outdone said, “I’m going to put my pachina in it” and started to lower herself into a squat into the puddle. Nita and I couldn’t stop laughing.  Also, if you leave a putt short at my golf club, be prepared to be called a “pachina.”

Easter.  Josie was six months old and Connor got to hit his first piñata last Easter. Two years ago, if you remember, we went to Houston. Connor opened his first Easter egg and sat on the grass with his box of raisins and just enjoyed his treat.  Connor has since taken a shine to sweets.  This year, both kids were mobile, and during the egg hunt, acted like homeless guys on bath salts.  Picture two little monsters running around pushing the other one out of the way diving for eggs. And there was no regard to what was inside the egg; just open it and shoot it like a Jaeger bomb. And when they locked eyes on the same egg, well to put it like my hockey neighbor would put it, it was like two “number ones” on the ice shaking their gloves.   But no one got hurt and they eventually went to sleep.  They both loved the cascarones (confetti eggs) and Easter was a success.

First Class.  During my business travels this year I found myself in Denver during the NCAA women’s basketball final four.  Anyway, for some reason I woke up at 2AM.  So I did a little work and then went to the gym.  It started snowing and I had a super early flight.  But I wasn’t worried; I had an easy two hop flight and would by home by 1pm.  So I waited on the tarmac while the plane was de-iced and we headed off to Dallas about 30 minutes late.  I had an easy 30 minutes to catch the next flight and ran over to my gate.  At this point the tornado warnings hit.  Our plane was told to de-board and move to the severe weather areas.  I went to the Admirals club for a cocktail and some lunch.  Surely this would blow over quickly.  Then the tornados hit.  We were evacuated into the stairwell under the club.  Then the hail hit.  I didn’t think about this at the time, but 200 planes were damaged and had to be inspected and all inbound traffic was rerouted.  DFW is one of the busiest airports in the world and well, there is no spare hanger with 200 planes in it to get back on track.  So the airport became a madhouse.  Ground traffic was snarled and all the rental cars had hail damage.  So the end of the story was my status got me booked on the last and ONLY flight to Austin that night….at 10pm.  I landed at 11 and was so out of bullets Nita had to come and picked me up.  If you are keeping score at home that is roughly 17 hours.  But I got home safely and that is the most important thing. Isn’t business travel sexy?

No dog to blame.  Josie started talking very early.  She has also learned that some actions get her in trouble and Josie does not like to be in trouble.  So one day while my mother was visiting (the kids call her Abuelita) Josie took off a poopy diaper.  Nita came around the corner and saw a naked baby running around and asked where her diaper was.  Josie showed her.  Then Nita noticed some poop on the floor.  She asked little Miss Josephine, “Josie, who did this?”  Josie said, “Abuelita.”  Nita asked again, “Josie, are you saying that Abuelita put poop on the floor?”  Without hesitating Josie said, “yes.” The force is strong with this one.

Illusion.  Nita’s mother and Connor have a bond in their love of dinosaurs.  Grandmother even has a stegosaurus song that they sing together.  So when the Dinosaurs flying dragons in 3D came to the IMAX it was a no brainer.  So we all got there and Connor had never experienced 3D before.  He was amazed.  At one point a Pterodactyl flew by and disappeared behind us.  Connor shouted (in a voice loud enough for the entire theater), “Dinosaur, come back here this instant!”  The crowd laughed.

The Beach.  Last Memorial Day we rented a friend’s beach house (actually the week before to beat the crowds). We drove both cars down and brought our nanny and the two grandmothers.  This year we did it again with two changes, a different sitter (mistake) and we rented an RV (awesome).  The RV was fantastic because we could all fit, eat, use the restroom, nap, etc. and never stop moving.  We were able to use it as a base of operation at the beach as well.  Got to use the bathroom, need a snack, get out of the sun?  On the bus with you.  Also, we could pack a lot more food to bring instead of buying island food at twice the price.  We had a great time.  Connor, being the water bug that he is, hopped off the RV and ran straight into the surf.  He played for hours in the shallows and chased seagulls until he couldn’t run anymore.  Josie loved it too, but had one bad experience. While feeding seagulls, or more watching them get fed, one swooped down and stole her peanut butter cracker and a little piece of her finger as well.  She was not pleased with the seagull.  She still talks about that mean old gull that bit her finger and stole her cracker.  One of the cutest parts was at the Texas state aquarium. There was one tank where just Connor and Josie were looking at some fish.  Connor was pointing out certain fish and telling Josie the names of them.  “That one is a fishy fish,” he’d say.  He was making up names which made it even cuter and Josie’s grin was ear to ear.  She is his human shadow and she loves her some big brother. 

Hotels. Our kids travel very well and it works out great.  Nita had a business trip to make to Houston and suggested we all go.  Since I’m kind of a road warrior anyway, I obliged.  I do my work in hotel rooms all the time.  So off we went.  We stayed in a nicer hotel than normal and let me just say that the kids like hotels.  The valet parking, room service, the cookies, the indoor/outdoor pool, the concierge room, yep, they’re spoiled.  I remember traveling with my buddy Omar when he was first starting out on the golf mini-tours.  Once we stayed in room with a queen, a murphy bed, and it had two, count them TWO phones.  We thought that was pretty swanky back then, even with four of us in the room.  Hopefully when we go camping someday they won’t ask for turndown service.  What? No chocolate on the sleeping bag? Connor literally cried when we left and demanded that we go back to the hotel.

Halloween.  It has always been fun for us.  Year 1, Connor was a little Dracula.  Year 2, Thomas the train with Josie t minus 10 days.  Last year we did the family Shrek thing with Nita as Fiona, Josie as donkey, and Connor as the most awesome puss in boots.  This year we’d talked about the Wizard of Oz.  The problem was Connor started drifting from the plan and mentioning that he’d like to be Toto.  Well, to keep a long story short, Nita and I argued about whether or not Toto was a prop or not and when the dust settled, Connor decided to be the Lion and saved the day.  I was the tin man, Nita was an awesome scarecrow, and Josie was the MOST adorable Dorothy.  And I’m not exaggerating.  She was jaw-dropping cute.  Normally Connor gets the (no pun intended) lion’s share of the compliments because he has red hair, green eyes, and is a good looking boy (I blame Nita).  So good looking that when we go out, old people come out of their blow chairs to touch his face and give him compliments.  Josie would get some head pats and an occasional cheek-pinch.  But when she put on the Dorothy costume she transformed.  She was the belle of the ball and she ate it up.  I’m not sure, but it may have changed her a little (plus she turned two).  But ever since no matter where we go, the store, the mall, golf club…even with Connor in tow, she has been getting a LOT of compliments.  Connor still gets his, don’t get me wrong he didn’t turn John Merrick on us, but I guess Josie went from baby to little girl.  Stop it time, just stop it!

The Fourth Floor.  Nita had her 15^th annual 25^th birthday this year and had a nice little spa day with some girlfriends with some dinner out afterwards. Mom came over to babysit and put the kids to bed.  Well Nita was running late and I was getting flustered about the reservations and mom didn’t park where she normally parks…and well I backed into her car. Like a good neighbor…

Birthday. Once again we had the combination birthday with the petting zoo.  The delight of the eleven year old across the street tells me this could last quite a while for us.  Connor turned four and Josie turned two.  This year I finally relaxed and enjoyed the party.  For four years now I have either been taking pictures, watching to make sure no one got hurt, or trying to save animals from being crushed.  This year Nita brilliantly hired a little high school girl who is a photography student to come take pictures for us.  She did an unbelievable job.  Also, I asked the zoo keeper guy if they ever lose animals.  He said, “Very rarely, they’re probably safer here with all these kids than going for a drive with you in the car statistically.”  (Did someone tell him about mom’s car?)  “Plus, they’re about fifty cents a pound.”  So I exhaled and this year I enjoyed the party. And it was really fun.  Last year, Josie did not like the pony ride.  This year she did it three times grinning ear to ear.  Josie did learn the improper way to handle a bunny and got a couple of pretty big scratches on her hand.  To her credit, after she cried and momma held her for a bit, she was back in the pen playing with bunnies and ducks.  She even bottle fed a baby goat.  Connor showed his fearlessness once again and had a fun time in the pen.  Then while they were putting the animals up, we transitioned everyone to the Playscape part of the back yard. Connor was having so much fun, he didn’t alert anyone he had to go pee.  He didn’t wet himself; instead he just dropped trousers and went right there.  But luckily he turned to face everyone.  Yep, everyone got a shot of Connor’s little pink cobra. So Connor is potty trained, yay.

Thanksgiving with The Italians.  This year we rented a van and loaded up the kids and grandmothers and off we went.  We checked into a small hotel and instead of separate suites, we got a two bedroom suite.  That too was too much fun.  When you get to an Italian Thanksgiving, let’s just say if you leave hungry or thirsty, you’ve no one to blame but yourself.  There is food, food, food, and then enough sweets to make Connor and Josie look like, well do you remember that scene in Silence of the Lambs where Lector’s face is covered in blood and he has this evil satisfied look on his face?  That look.  Anyway, it was great, we watched football, talked politics, ate food, while Connor and Josie just played with their cousins.  It was a great time.  Then back at the hotel we settled in and the grandmothers were in one bedroom, Nita and I were in another and we put both kids on the pull-out couch.  This was interesting because they’d never slept together in the same bed before.  Even at the coast they each had their own bed.  So in the morning Nita and I heard them talking to each other.  It was the sweetest little four and two year old conversation.  Josie was saying that mommy and daddy were coming right back and Connor said, “No Josie, we are going to stay here for a LOOOOOONG time.”  Josie said, “No, no, we are coming back right now.” (You have to do it in their voices for it to work).  Then they started talking about Halloween monsters.  Josie mentioned “calacas” (skeleton in Spanish) while Connor corrected her and said that everyone calls them skeletons.  Josie said, “Not Abuelita.”  This may have been our best family Thanksgiving yet.

SuperTramp. We all know I’m the overprotective type, but I relented and bought Connor and Josephine a little trampoline.  He loves to watch shows and jump while doing it.  It also helps in the transition to new tasks and for those of you with younger kids it is a great tool for redirection.  In any case, as the whole “gangnam style” thing has blown up, so has Connor’s love for it.  He’ll watch the video 10 times and do the dance on his trampoline.  I made a little video of it and threw it on FB.  So for the 800 Million hits the video got, put Connor down for a couple of hundred.  We took the kids to the mall for a little train ride just before we printed this and there was one of those bungee trampolines.  Connor did it for a couple of minutes and then wanted down.  Josie went as high as it would go and kept saying “higher!”  It isn’t quite settled, but I have a feeling Connor is going to be a Veterinarian and Josie will be on a Div I athletic scholarship.  Oh, and I’m now hopelessly addicted to a British soap opera.  Thanks Omar and Pete.

Martinez & Martinez. I have noticed that consistency of discipline seems to be my job.  And fundamentally, I’m okay with it.  The thing that gets me (I hope you dads are still reading by now), is whenever I’m trying to lay down the law, either my mother or Nita comes to Connor’s defense.  I tell them, “He doesn’t need a lawyer.”  They ignore me and prepare his defense for him, sometimes with exhibits. Four against one is this really my future? I guess when they turn on mommy, she’ll come back around …right?

A&M in the SEC with a Heisman winner, Texas with their new network…it really was a shame that we couldn’t play the best rivalry in football this year.  But it taught me a lesson about grudges.  I choose to let them go more now than I used to, and forgive easier.  So with that, we’d like to wish all of you a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year.  May your families be blessed, have fun, and enjoy the little things.  Time keeps moving and only the memories last.  May God Bless you all.

Home for the holidays

Way back in the day, I used to call this stretch of year “relationship season.”  The theory was that you needed a girlfriend starting on Halloween and ending on Valentine ’s Day.  In between there was: Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s.  Really St. Patty’s day is more of a single holiday.  Now my life is way different being married with children.  And to throw in some more fun into the season, we have the birthdays of my mother, mother-in-law, wife, son, daughter, and brother-in-law’s all littered in October, November, and December.  Throw in a few kids parties and you have a constant supply of cake and presents going on.  First we’ll start with Halloween.

We almost lost control of the situation, but were able to get it back. Connor loves animals and has been pretending to be every single animal the crocodile hunter eh, well, hunts.  Yes every morning our bed becomes a “habitat” for Komodo dragons, lizards, snakes, etc.  So when Nita asked him what he wanted to be, he said “Toto.”  Nita and I did not agree on this.  She said he loved dogs and loved pretending to be a dog.  I said fine, but in the Wizard of Oz the dog is a prop, not a character.  I won’t go into detail as to how far this went, but we finally got our cover shot and Connor loved being the lion.  Josie was never in doubt about what she would be.  In fact when Nita found her little Dorothy costume it even came with Toto in a basket (like a prop).  Anyhoo, it was fun and Josie got tons of compliments.  Nita even found her some ruby slippers and red hair ties.  This was the first time that Josie got more compliments than Connor…ever.  The other awesome thing was the lion head for Connor actually matched his hair, it really was perfect.  Afterwards we got home and Connor found the makeup kit, and decided to finger paint.  Let’s just say that if we weren’t planning a bathroom remodel, I would not have been pleased.

Then came Nita’s birthday on the Dia de los Muertos. At my request Many of Nita’s friends and family sent me little video clips wishing her a happy birthday.  Some were short and sweet, some were rap songs, some regular songs, some included slot machines, props, some re-enacted dates from our past, a ukulele, cupcakes and candles.  All were appreciated. I compiled them into a single video and played it for her when she woke up.  She was blown away.  Then she headed off to a spa day with some girlfriends.  I got the kids to school and then promptly spent the next six hours doing chores that she would normally have done.  We then headed out for a nice dinner when BANG!!!  Yep, I backed into my mother’s car in the driveway.  She’d been bringing the golf cart lately but that was in the shop and I just forgot it was there.  So there’s that.  The good news is no one was injured and we got the cars back today.

A&M beats Alabama.  Are you shitting me?!  Honestly I hoped that we’d get bowl eligible (six wins for those of you keeping score at home).  And before the season I kind of figured where we’d win and where we’d lose.  In my preseason exercise I had A&M needing wins in the last two games to get to six, maybe seven.  Never in my wildest prognostications did I consider this scenario, ever!  And Johnny F. Football.  Wow!  If we go back and read this blog 10-20 years from now, it’ll be “remember the JFF years?”  This kid is a once in a lifetime type of player, wow. Oh and Josie turned two.

The next day was the kids joint birthday party.  Okay okay, I know! I did it on purpose.  But seriously, Josie will have a birthday every year; we may never beat Alabama again.

Okay, so the next day was the kid’s joint birthday party with full on petting zoo and pony rides.  This year I let go a little bit.  We’ve done this for four years now and I have either been taking pictures, watching to make sure no one got hurt, or trying to save animals from being crushed.  This year Nita brilliantly hired a little high school girl who is a photography student to come take pictures for us.  She did an unbelievable job and took about 500 shots and that’s actually not an exaggeration.  Also, I asked the zoo keeper guy if they ever lose animals.  He said, “Very rarely, they’re probably safer here with all these kids than going for a drive with you in the car statistically.”  (Did someone tell him my car was in the shop?)  “Plus, they’re about fifty cents a pound.”  So I exhaled this year and just enjoyed the party. And it was really fun.  Connor loved the pony ride and Josie did as well.  Last year, Josie did not like the pony ride.  This year she did it three times.  Josie did learn the improper way to handle a bunny and got a couple of pretty big scratches on her hand.  To her credit, after she cried and momma held her for a bit, she was back in the pen playing with bunnies and ducks.  She even bottle fed a baby goat.  Connor showed his fearlessness once again and had a fun time in the pen.  Then while they were putting the animals up, we transitioned everyone to the back yard where the playscape was. Connor was having so much fun, he didn’t alert anyone he had to go pee.  He didn’t wet himself; instead he just dropped trou and went right there.  But luckily he turned to face everyone.  Yep, everyone got a shot of Connor’s little pink cobra.  My boy.

I mentioned that last part on Facebook and a friend sent me a link to an article about a family that got a ticket for a 3 year old boy peeing in the front yard.  I mentioned that I’d probably have been arrested for peeing on the ticket.  I’m all about law and order, but sometimes absurdity must be treated with absurdity.  But alas, it was all just good clean fun.  Then the cupcakes came out, songs were sung, and our guests went home.  Connor and Josie had a blast opening their presents and I can honestly say I have now been to my first tea party.  Josie got a cute little tea set and poured me a cup just before her nap.  My girl.

More transitions coming for the kids.  This week, we “send the pacifiers to the ‘papa’ fairy” so other babies can use them.  You see Josie is 2 and therefore a big girl now.  The papa fairy will bring a gift and everyone wins.  Connor’s actual birthday is coming up just before Thanksgiving and he’s already preparing for black Friday.  Yesterday he and Nita went through a catalog of “things he needs.”  Nita mentioned that maybe he could ask Santa.  At that moment he asked Nita to grab pen and paper to write a letter to Santa on his behalf.  It was a very long and complete list.  We might be spoiling that one.  Josie meanwhile is just happy with everything.  She gets the benefit of every toy we’ve ever bought Connor plus her special ones.  So I guess we’re spoiling her as well. 

Finally Nita taught Josie to sing “somewhere over the rainbow” and she is just a little hoot.  Her vocabulary is huge and her sentence structure is pretty amazing for her age.  Meanwhile Connor picked up the “happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo” song from Madagascar complete with the monkey spit take and the smell-the-armpit fall.  So there’s that.

When perspective slaps you in the face

I’ve been dreading writing this blog and if you’ve noticed it’s been a few weeks instead of my normal weekly clip.  First before anyone freaks out; Nita, the kids, them mom’s and I are all still healthy, employed, etc.  But I did lose a friend a couple of weeks ago.  Due to some circumstances that don’t really matter anymore I hadn’t spoken with him for quite some time and I even avoided him in some cases.  This isn’t like the normal “we grew apart” or “didn’t have time to connect” issues that many of us experience.  This guy was a hair-on-fire-10-miles-a-minute kind of person.  And he drew you in to whatever he was up to.  I don’t regret any portion of our friendship and am glad he is at peace.  But the main reason I cried and cried and cried was his legacy.

You see JD was a once in a lifetime kind of soul.  He was so brilliant, so funny, good looking, had a great father, good friends, everything.  He had a good family, good job, and was a pretty good golfer and card player.  But the thing that got me was how many people loved and supported him and how he could slip away from all of that.  As a parent of the two most brilliant and beautiful children on the planet (I’m sure some of you may object but this is my blog) I have this master plan on how to guide them to success.  I even wrote Connor an 11 page manifesto on “how to be a man” while he was still resting comfortably in Nita’s tummy.  I have thought about the proper balance of God, work, study, effort, discipline, fun, silliness, self-effacing humor, and athletics. 

I included paragraphs on how to be a good friend, how to show respect, and how to stay on the correct path in the face of bad influences.  It is very logical, I think pretty well thought out, and not antiquated.  It does embrace old fashioned values, but in a 21^st century sort of way.  And then the funeral.  It was at that moment I realized that although I can arm Connor and Josie with all the tools, advice, guidance, and even a treasure map to success…I can’t guarantee anything.  You can only pray that it all “takes” and they choose wisely.  Now I’m not stupid enough to think that they would do everything I said or follow my logic to the letter into always choosing the right decision.  Heck I can’t even get them to do that at 4 and 2 and I lost Nita years ago; and honestly I don’t even take my own advice all the time. But I was hoping that with enough of that proper alignment that it would at least be directionally correct.  By the way as a funny aside, it isn’t just me that has a strategy for the kids.  Nita has a “bangs” strategy for Josie.  Yes you read that correctly no need to go back.  I suggested that since Josie’s hair is always in her face and we have to use clips or pig tails that we cut the front.  Nita looked at me like I was from Mars and then calmly explained her “bangs strategy.”  I had no idea there was such a thing.

I lost my golf swing a few months ago.  I mean gone, really bad.  What happened was I had a few injuries and just played through them.  Then with the wind and tournaments and other stuff I just started shortening things up and flattening them out.  I was just looking for something that would do.  As time went on and I repeated these bad habits it just came to a crescendo.  I needed help.  So I started on my lessons and realized that my swing had hit bottom.  The funny thing is I’d always been able to visualize my swing and make some corrections that would get me back to where I needed to be.  I think the funeral actually gave me the peace to accept someone else’s help.

Maybe that is the best lesson from the whole thing.  There are times in your life when you need help, we all do.  Who among us offers it to our friends and family?  Who among us accepts it for the gift that it is?  I love that both my kids want to do things on their own as they struggle for identity and independence.  Josie is the queen of refusing help and shouting, “I want to do it, I don’t need help daddy, I want to do it.”  Whereas Connor (who’d already been through that stage) is more apt to say, “Can you please help me daddy, I need help.”  I’m thoughtful on when I do and don’t help, knowing that sometimes learning from failure is more valuable than learning from watching the correct technique. 

I know my friend had some issues and we all wanted to help but it just didn’t work out.  I know it made me look at my own life a little differently and certainly my children.  It made me want to be more patient with my wife and friends and maybe not demand as much perfection as I normally do.  In case some of you were not at my wedding or my father’s funeral, I delivered a line from my father at both.  “Excellence is a state of becoming, never a state of being.”  So his gift was to never be satisfied with current state because you can always be better.  And I guess it has served me well over the years, but I may have unfairly applied it to others.  So I’m looking out for that.

Enough of that.  Halloween is a few days away and Connor and Josie have begged us to take them riding around the neighborhood daily to see all the displays our neighbors have put up.  They are really excited about the candy, costumes, and trick or treating.  For the last month we’ve had to tell Halloween stories for bed time.  Not SAW IV stories, just cute little Casper and trick or treat stories.  But you’ll see when all the pictures come in. Also, both the mom's birthdays were in October (photo shoot for Nita's mother). Nita’s birthday is coming up this week and the kids on the following two weeks.  There are lots of cupcakes in my future.  Oh and Connor can do the Gangnam Style dance.  Perhaps a video may show up on FB sometime soon.

 

Where do Babies Come From?

Well it wasn’t exactly that, but it was pretty funny nonetheless.  Before I go there I want to come right out and say what a bad daddy and husband I was this weekend.  I played in a fancy member guest golf tournament that included an open bar all around the course. Let’s just say that if we’d have been handicapped by consumption we’d have run away with the title.  But we weren’t…and we didn’t so there’s that.  But a good time was had by all and even though we went from second to sixth, not a single bad word was said to the other.  To the golf ball, the hole, the course, trees, bunkers, hazards, etc. there were plenty of bad words. But to my partner, there were none.  Good times.

While Nita was cooking dinner I walked in the kitchen and there was Connor holding the absolutely sharpest knife we own.  I freaked out.  Nita thinks I over reacted.  He’s 4.  Almost.  He should certainly not be holding a santoku knife.  About seven years ago we had what we called the “Jambalaya incident.”  You see Nita makes an awesome jambalaya.  So she was at the island dicing the onions when all of a sudden as I’m washing some vegetables…By the way, this was still before kids.  Back then we used to cook in the kitchen together and laugh and leisurely talk about our day.  We’d drink a glass of wine while prepping dinner and a 1 or 2 hour meal prep was no big deal.  Now, well you know if you have kids.  If I’m at the dinner table and I want to tell Nita something about work and it happens to be a five minute story, it takes 12 because we usually have to get someone more milk and or read “Goodnight Goon” the latest Halloween book in between stories.

Anyway, back to the dicing.  So there’s Nita cutting away and I heard a loud and distressed, “Oh No.”  I was an EMT so I immediately took her to the sink and started pouring cold water to check the depth of the cut.  Nita (before childbirth) was kind of squeamish about blood and that type of stuff and didn’t want me to touch her wound, much less assess and dress it.  So off we went to the emergency room.  When we got to the Doctor and told him what happened Nita asked, “What do you think?”  He joked, “I think you need sharper knives, this finger should have come off.”  So we got sharper knives.

And here is Connor with the sharpest one of them in his almost four year old hands.  Nita still thinks I over reacted, but hey man; I have a few basic jobs.  Keep them out of prison, keep them out of the hospital, teach them right from wrong, kill bugs, fix non-plumbing items around the house, and make them great athletes.  There is some character and scholarly well rounding in there, but that is for both of us.  If my tombstone reads, “He over reacted his way to awesome kids” I can live with that.

So while at dinner we’re just talking about school and Halloween and Connor notices our little video picture frame.  He sees a baby picture and asks, “Mommy how was I born?”  Nita proceeded to tell Connor about carrying him for 9 months in her tummy and then going to the hospital and then pushing and then out came Connor.  He then asked about Josie and we repeated the story.  Then he asked about me.  So being adopted I told him about the same story until the end when I said, “And then my mommy said, ‘I can’t take care of this baby.’  But right then Abuelita said, ‘I’ll take him and I’ll love him and care for him and raise him as my own baby.’”  Connor seemed somewhat impressed with the drama.  He then asked, “Mommy, how were you born.”  I said, “Her story is much less impressive.”  We all laughed while Nita said, “DUDE!”  Then he asked how Abuelita was born.  Mom told a story about her brother running over to get the midwife in her village and then really described foot positions and the spanking to get the air flowing.  Connor’s eyes were as big as oranges. 

I then had the idea of showing the kids their birth videos.  (No not the head out video, the first minutes).  So first was Connor’s clean up, temperature check and eye gel.  He was so teeny tiny.  He cried and shivered.  Connor was CAPTIVATED as was Josie.  We asked if he wanted to turn it off and he said he wanted to keep watching.  Then we showed the video of Connor meeting Josie for the first time.  That too was adorable.  Connor kept pointing to Josie and looking at her and saying, “That’s you Josie, that is little Josie when you were a baby.”  It was a pretty cute night.  I’ll have to re-read this someday when they get in a fist fight or are at each other’s throats for something. 

We usually tell stories during dinner or read books and the kids just love the adventures.  It was funny because when we were first married, we ate in front of the TV all the time.  We’d watch movies or get into a TV series or both.  We joked that when we had kids we hoped to have at least one night a week at the dinner table with no TV.  Now it’s the exact opposite.  Every night is at the dinner table and once every couple of weeks we’ll do a “fun family movie night” where we’ll watch a Disney movie and eat pizza in ManCave.  I hope this lasts for a while.  A few of my favorite people are about to have babies in the next few months.  One is a vet the others are brand new.  I’m not offering any advice other than one thing that has helped me.  I love hearing the stories from veteran parents.  If for no other reason than I can anticipate those events and play it out in my head how I would handle it when it came to be my turn.  So enjoy the blog new parents, plan accordingly, and don’t let them play with knives.

Cha cha cha changes

In case this ends up in a time capsule of some sort, yesterday will go down in history as the day the scabs hit the tipping point.  Remember back in 1987 when the NFL locked out the players and they started the football season with “scab” players?  Well the NFL referees are locked out and the blown call at the end of the Green Bay vs. Seattle game may go down as one of the biggest blown calls in the history of Monday Night Football.  Now I’m probably a little bitter because I was talked into playing fantasy football (which I had successfully avoided for 16 years) for the first time and I find myself sweating out games that under normal circumstances I wouldn’t give two shits about.  I remember about 8 years ago my buddy Pete asked me to name 12 quarterbacks in the NFL.  I did, but it wasn’t easy.  Now I can pretty much give the top 5 position players on all 32 teams.  I’m not proud of that, by the way, you all know how competitive I am.

As a funny aside to the paragraph above, I was in man cave sweating out the game last night while Connor and Nita were watching a spitting cobra episode of Crocodile hunter.  After the 200^th sack of Aaron Rodgers I shouted, “Mother F@#$%^.”  Nita came in the room and said, “Connor heard your little outburst and said, ‘Mommy, Daddy is calling you.’”  That actually made me laugh so hard I was crying.  I really have been watching my language in the house but I thought Connor had already gone to bed.  My bad.

Connor has grown into a booster chair now.  Yep, he’s riding tall using a real seatbelt.  And his new little booster is pretty slick.  It has movable arm rests and two cup holders.  He is very sweet about it too.  Josie will ask if she can put her sippy cup in his holder and he always agrees to do it.  Oh, and two pretty scary events happened yesterday. By the way was there a full moon or something?  What is up with Yesterday and this morning?  Anyway, Connor ended up in our bed last night.  I figured he’d gotten scared or something and Nita brought him downstairs to settle him down, but when she discovered him in the bed she took him back upstairs and tucked him in.  Apparently, my adorable son can unlock the baby gate at the top of the stairs now.  And he did just that and came down the stairs in the middle of the night.  Normally he gets to the top and calls for one of us and then Nita goes up and settles him down.  This is a new twist.

Now for those of you who have been to the house, you know our staircase.  It is charming, but probably the most dangerous staircase available.  To make things worse, when we did the hardwood floors, we also did the stairs. In fact when Connor was first learning to walk up the stairs and Pete would come by; he’d hold his breath every time he got about half way up.  Pete said, “My heart just stops right at the turn where it starts to narrow.” 

A couple of years ago, Nita went to go check on Connor in the middle of the night and missed the last step and took a little tumble. So I went out and bought some glow in the dark tape.  You know like the stuff that they use on stages for marking your spot in the dark?  And actually my mom took a little tumble leaving our house through the garage and cracked a rib just before we flew down to the Valley a couple Christmas’ back.  So I put the tape on the bottom seven steps and made a little runway for mom in the garage in case she didn’t turn the light on.  This morning Connor wasn’t talking too much about why he came down the stairs or how it went (he does kind of sleep walk a little too), so I’m not sure if he used the tape as a guide or not.  All I know is I’m a little freaked out about it and need to put an extra stopgap on the gate.

This morning Josie was nice enough to show me how she’s learned to climb up into her crib all by herself.  She does it by pulling herself up, using her rail and mattress as footholds and then launching herself headfirst over the rail onto the mattress.  She laughs as she catches herself with her hands and head and then flips on her side.  Yes I visualize her next move all too clearly.  So we have to ask if it is time for a princess bed (lower to the ground of course), or do we try to reason with a 2 year old and convince her that it is dangerous to climb on furniture (while watching brother bounce from item to item like the ground was a crocodile infested moat).  So there is that. 

Josie’s vocabulary and thought progression is taking huge strides.  In addition to singing songs and general parroting, she is really focusing on connecting dots.  For example, she’s crazy into Halloween right now and one of the books she wants read (about five times in a row) is the “Clifford’s first Halloween book.”  There is a page where Clifford (the big red dog) gets some bones from a neighbor while trick or treating with Emily.  Josie thinks that a skeleton must have given him the bones because skeletons have bones. 

This weekend a dear old friend got married and we brought Connor to the reception.  Well, he found the dessert bar and after 20 peanut M&Ms, some Reece’s pieces, and a few gummy bears, Connor transformed into Tony Manero and lit up the dance floor.  His best move is to run around in circles until he gets dizzy and then fall down.  We used to force pledges to do that, I’m guessing he won’t need much prodding if that comes up in his future.  Josie also knows this move and last night while mommy was finishing up dinner we had a little dance party complete with percussion instruments in the formal living room.  It was pretty fun.  The kids are growing up so fast it blows my mind.  I’m not sure I’m ready for all the cha cha cha cha changes.  One change I am ready for is the old NFL refs.  Y’all come back now ya hear!