The Thanksgiving that wouldn't quit

The Thanksgiving that wouldn’t quit

Wonderful holiday this year.  Everyone had a proper dose of perspective and the silly arguments that most likely plague everyone’s holiday season were blissfully absent from ours this year.  Just when things barely started to get tense I gathered the crowd and said, “There is only one life and death issue this year: turkey, sides and dessert are not any of them.”  After a quick exhale, all concurred and we went about quite possibly the most pleasant holiday meal we’ve ever had.

Friday Camp in.  The kids had been looking forward to the camp in for a week.  They stayed up way too late, we made s’mores in the fireplace, and even the dog got in on the act.  I lit a huge fire, we broke out the sleeping bags, an air mattress and watched:  The Year Without a Santa Claus, Rudolf, and The Grinch that Stole Christmas.  The kids finally conked out 2 ½ hours after their normal bed time.  Josie even unzipped her sleeping bag and said, “Daddy if you get worried, or if Brownie pushes you off the mattress, you can sleep in my bag.”  My little sweetheart.  I then remembered in the middle of the night to move Rupert.  Rupert is our elf and he is an amazing tool (good way). The kids are better behaved when Rupert is “watching” than any other time of year.  They get WAY into it.  In fact, he made his first appearance the day after Thanksgiving showing up in a Barbie sleeping bag on the mantle so he could join the camp in.

Saturday Nita made her famous/infamous smoked turkey enchiladas. We had some folks over to watch football, eat too much, and help us get rid of some leftovers and that amazing pie/cake. Saturday night? Blah, blah, blah, don’t get me started (game related).

Sunday we had a nice easy day and then went and had dinner with my friend and the doctor who assembled my surgical team.  We talked about everything, treatments, chemo, next steps, percentages, etc.  The kids played together and we had a nice time.  I kind of feel what it must be like to have a third boob.  People notice or know about it, they want to be polite, but they also REALLY want to know.  So the blog is designed to accomplish a lot of that.  But there are still a lot of folks who don’t read but want to call or text to see what’s going on.  And that’s okay too.  I’d rather they care than not.  One more prayer just might be the tipping point, you never know.

Well, the hair is thinning.  For a lot of guys my age I will get no sympathy, I know.  But I really underappreciated thick curly hair.  I thought it was impossible to do anything with, you essentially have 3 options and one is a hat.  But if it thins out a bit more…when it thins out a bit more, I’ll go ahead and shave it.  I’m really not that vain or superficial about it, I suppose I should feel lucky it hung around as long has it has.  It’s getting patchy, not really obvious, but I notice.  But my friends are mostly athletes and mouthy golfers so I can just hear the nicknames “patches” or “spot” rolling off their tongues, so it’ll be resolved before it comes to that. One poor woman in chemo camp is still having a very hard time with the hair loss.  We all face our demons in our own way I suppose.  It’s Winter, stocking and beanie hats are in, hell even a ball cap.  At the very least I’ll save money on shampoo…and haircuts.  And of course I’ll make good on my promise to Josie to let her “ink me” in her own special way.

Infusion day wasn’t too bad.  I didn’t feel as nauseous as usual but more tired. I did take an hour nap during the Browns MNF game.  Tuesday was pretty busy with work and it is still an adjustment to navigate everything with my little electronic leash.  The kids are more careful around me and I really miss helping them get ready for bed with stories, prayers, and kisses.  But it’s only two days every two weeks…so far.  Wednesday the neuropathy showed back up as well as some mouth issues.  Luckily I had my B complex and mouthwash (Constanzi’s compound…not covered by insurance) to help lower the effects.  I also started working on the kids portable North Pole videos.  It’s an online thing where you can have personalized messages from Santa.  Additionally, you can choose what they are “working on” and if they were naughty, nice, or needs work.  Last year as Connor was watching his video, it came to the part where the machine is cranking out his year and will flash red or green. I asked Connor what he thought the result would be naughty or nice?  He replied, “Could go either way dad.”  My boy!  We’ve been working a lot on honesty even when it doesn’t make things easier. He’s doing great.  This year he was really anxious about the result. I asked him what he thought and he said, “I’ve been getting check pluses on my tests, but sometimes I don’t always do what I’m asked to do the first time and I fart a lot.”  Santa gave him a good.

So good news and reality news.  First the good.  My latest blood test showed the tumor marker numbers (CEA) are lower than ever over a three month scale.  They are still in the high probability range, but it shows that there is less activity, are a full point down over September (12 points down from October, but that could be a number of factors), potentially no “new” growth, and we’ll find out at the CT scan if there has been any shrinking of the existing lesions.  Although way too close to call with only four treatments in, things seem to be pointing in the right direction.  The CT scan will tell the tale, but the lower numbers are showing efficacy.

The reality news, remember when I said if you have friends in the medical community they are more likely to give it to you straight?  Well a very common question is “how many treatments do you have left?”  It’s a simple enough question on the inside, but for the early detection folks, there is usually a certain number of treatments either before or after a surgery, then the expectation is you might be done.  For me, my answer is “all of them.”  I understand my battle is forever.  I may get to a remission(s), maintenance meds, etc….but it will come back and I’ll fight it again.  It really is that simple.  What my medical friends told me was that my attitude is going to win the day (not forever, but you know).  The reason is I have already accepted that this is a constant, not a variable better put a war not a battle. Many in my position go through a six month or yearlong set of treatments, get to a remission and hope the miracle has happened.  Then it comes back, and they are devastated, and you hear the term, “I just can’t do it again.  I don’t want to fight anymore.”  I am not judging anyone who chooses that path, everyone has their tolerance and choice to make.  I don’t have that gene.  I know I’ll be in a fight like Rocky I. Take a beating, win a round, take a beating, and like the Rock, I plan to keep getting up.  You can only quit this fight once, as Apollo says, “There is no tomorrow!”

The net effect is I may be gaining on a possible remission.  That would be cool.  Then again, I might not, and that’ll be fine too, I’ll just take what comes and deal with it at the time.  We’ll just keep praying, fighting, and living the life in front of me.  I have the gift of today and it’s beautiful.  I was clicking around Facebook and came across the old Jim Valvano speech from the 1993 ESPY awards.  “Don’t ever give up.” God bless y’all and stay safe this Holiday season because I know my battle isn’t mine alone and I thank you all dearly for participating in the ways you do...and for that I give you thanks!  TeamMarco@austin.rr.com. Oh the cookbooks order form is finally updated for billing and shipping.  Here is the site: https://ultimateimaging.formstack.com/forms/ay_reservation