Survive and Advance

Survive and Advance

I’m sure most of my sports fans out there have seen most, if not all, of the 30 for 30 segments on ESPN.  One of the better ones, was the story of Coach Jim Valvano of the North Carolina State Wolfpack, and their unlikely national championship.  They path they took was more treacherous than one could imagine at the time. Because they had ten losses they had to win their conference tournament just to earn a berth in the NCAA tournament.  They beat the defending national champion North Carolina Tar heels and #2 ranked (Ralph Sampson) Virginia.

They won their opening game in double overtime and then had to face UNLV, ranked #6, who until then had only two losses all season.  Then after beating Utah, they had to face the number one seed in the bracket, Virginia,…again. They won to advance to the final four.  They beat Georgia in the semi-finals to earn the right to play Phi Slamma Jamma otherwise known as the Houston Cougars, the number one ranked team in the nation. They would win the game in a fashion that would not even be possible with today’s rule changes. 

Then in 1993, just 10 years later, Coach V would be stricken by cancer and give one of the most iconic ESPY award presentations of all time.  He died shortly after, but his pledge to never give up was more than a speech.  It was the way he lived and the way he coached. 

Last week we had a scare with the allergic reaction to my chemotherapy.  There is no change, so don’t skip to the end looking for the “thank goodness they invented the ‘whatever device’” ending.  But while I was managing my side effects and purging the poison from my body, it gave me a lot of time for reflection.  So my CEA is ticking up a bit.  And my standard chemo options are mostly exhausted.  There are still a few things on the table.  As you may well imagine a very many of my well intentioned friends and readers sent along stories of treatments and therapies in various parts of the world.  They were all very much appreciated.  When the time comes and I’m in the nothing to lose phase, I’m sure I’ll try a few of them. 

Thursday my priest came over for dinner and to administer the “anointing of the sick” rite.  I’m glad they changed it from the last rites so I could complete the set, since I don’t plan on obtaining the seventh (priesthood or “holy orders”).  One of the coolest parts of the rite is one receives absolution for all your sins.  That is a pretty cool deal.  I mean I’m not drowning bags of puppies or anything, but to have the entire slate from my entire life wiped clean, how can that be anything other than an amazing weight off of one’s shoulders?

We spoke a lot about life, faith, humanity, and goals.  He taught me something last night that I hope I can apply.  Listening to someone without judgment and without needing to solve their problem is really comforting to the person talking.  He gave me undivided (mostly – we were watching a football game in man cave), unconditional love and support.  How often do I do that for my friends and family?  Hardly ever at that level, really.  So that’ll be something I attempt to do and be more of as my journey continues for as long as it will.  I admitted the hardest part was knowing that during phases of the children's lives when I feel I could help the most (teen, first job, college), that I more than likely won’t be there.

We spoke about my intended mission of sharing hope, inspiration, and education of being a cancer patient. And I told him my theory that maybe God wants to see where I go with this; and as long as I don’t relent or let up, perhaps that is my ticket to Ground Hog Day. Maybe not, but helping folks on my way out can’t be a bad thing anyway, so it’s really a win-win isn’t it?

I’m leaving work in January and will have more time to hopefully spend with the kids.  For sure drop offs and pick-ups, but maybe some lunches during school as well.  I have a hunch I might have a few trips to Houston that will soon fill up my calendar, but the same generous and amazing folks who threw me the best party ever have also offered to help shuttle me to Houston for any trials, should the opportunity to come home same day be on the table. I would much rather kiss my children and wish them a good night in any condition than hole up in a hospital apartment a couple of weeks a month.

This week was essentially tying a few loose ends, figuring out insurance options, getting some last minute Christmas shopping done, and playing with the kids.  We all had a pretty good time, all things considered. Connor is one of those kids where the cost or value of a gift is irrelevant as long as the volume is there.  Technically I think you could individually wrap a pack of tic tacs and he’d be thrilled he opened 40 gifts. Josephine is very calm about her stuff.  She likes to give things more than receive.  In fact she wrapped some of her toys and put them under the tree as gifts to Nita and me.  Sweet kid.

I also took them “elving” with me this year.  Elving is the process by which we write “Merry Christmas” on a stack of $2.00 bills and go to stores and leave them under boxes, behind packages, etc.  So the deal is, someone will come by, grab an item (say diapers), and find a crisp $2.00 bill underneath.  Now we all know that two bucks won’t change anyone’s life, but it can sure change your day, right?  The key is not to get caught doing it so the gift remains anonymous.

Josie and Connor both had the best time running down half empty aisles in stores, putting their bill under something and then giggling and running back undetected. Josephine said it was just like being a secret agent.  We had a blast passing out 30 or so bills, laughing, and knowing that for several people it just might change their whole day.  And who knows? Maybe they’ll go and change someone else’s day after that? 

In any case, I’m all about the now, while still keeping an eye on lessons for the kid’s future.  I will take what comes my way and do my best.  It is all I can do, but all that I promise.  I heard a great quote the other day, “This isn’t the day that makes me, and today won’t be the day that breaks me.”  I guess I’ve always been who I am, I’m a little softer, kinder, and gentler now, but still me.  Nita and I had an argument the other day about the Christmas letter and she was mentioning that exact thing.  And God bless her, upset as she was, she was still defending me for being true to myself and just being me.  Paraphrasing, if you don’t like who Marco is all the time, then you don’t like Marco period.  Because I’m pretty much me at all times.  For some of you, you’re welcome!  For others, I’m sorry.

So here we go, just like Coach V.  Never give up, never ever give up.  That’s where we are.  I will take what the oncologists recommend, try to do more with the kids, be a better husband, and be the best me I can be.  That’s all I have to offer.  Survive and advance.  We never know when that new drug will hit the market.  Or that holistic remedy actually works in certain conditions.  But one thing I do know: watch out world.  At breakfast the other day I saw a lot of me in Connor and a lot of me in Josephine.  So if you love me, you’re welcome…if you don’t…Go &&^%Y%#$%@+$.  Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, and a have a Happy New Year!  I love you all. Team Marco