Three to get ready

I created a website the day Connor was born. The goal was to show family and friends some pictures and videos as Connor grew up and they could come and go as they pleased instead of me clogging their inbox or doing the 1960s vacation slide treatment every time they came over.  It has morphed into a secondary backup and recovery site.  The fun thing is those moments are suspended in time.  As I watch Connor grow every day, the changes seem subtle and I guess it’s a little like the old story about “how does one boil a frog.”  In any case, Josie started walking a couple of months ago and started talking more than just two or three words and gibberish a couple of weeks ago.  I mean she is really chattering.

I thought more about the website because three of my co-workers are having children in the next few months.  For all of them it is their first child.  Although Josie is 15 months now, and I can hardly remember when she was just a teeny tiny baby, I do remember the stress of the first one.  I also remember all the advice, most of which was some form of “Don’t blink, they’ll be (insert something clever) soon.”

So I went to the old trusty website to watch Connor at that same age.  And I was shocked.  What a sweet little boy and you look at him now and he has changed so much.  His little gibberish has developed into thoughtful paragraphs and adventure stories that he can make up to entertain both him and us.  He is helping Josie with words when prompted.  Josie is also very adept in asking for things she wants.  She no longer points and says that…okay, she still does, but she tries to learn the actual word now as well.  For example, Valentine’s day brought us several children’s card sets which included stickers.  Our kids love stickers and Connor was peeling some off and putting them on me and Nita.  Josie said something just south of sticker but was pointing to the back of her hand.  Pretty cute. 

So I went to the website again and watched a few more videos and discovered that this is the time for pretty monumental gains.  I’m thinking we’re due for another trip to the children’s museum or the zoo.  Even though the Austin zoo is pretty weak, they do have Lions, Tigers, and well you know.  Now that Josie can make more animal sounds, and can sound out a few of them, it might be another nice treat to take them both out there.  Plus Connor just loves seeing all the big animals anyway. And he is absolutely tickled to death (thanks Madagascar), that “monkeys throw poo.”

We were always told that the second and subsequent children develop a lot faster than the first one.  Partly because of the over protection of the new parents, but secondly because they have role models that are closer to their own stages of development.  For example, Josie loves to jump on the couch like Connor and is less impressed with daddy’s knowledge of cloud computing.  Therefore, what Connor is doing is much more interesting than what daddy is doing, unless of course daddy and mommy are starting a dance-a-thon in the living room. And by everything, I mean everything.  If Connor wants to warm his hands by the fire, guess what?  If Connor finds an interesting place to stand, he’s got a shadow.  And when he’s not looking, she’s got his shoes on.

So if the phases are lining up correctly, Josie is just about ready for her first pork rib from Rudy’s.  She’s got enough teeth, and she isn’t afraid of anything we put on her tray, so I guess this weekend might just be a BBQ weekend.  As for the new mommies and daddies, well, enjoy every moment.  Capture as many of those moments as you can, and embrace each new phase.  And sleep when they sleep, and don’t leave sharp things on countertops, and…good luck.

Because Hallmark says so!

Valentine’s day.  A day for love.  300% markups on flowers and candy.  A day for UPS and FEDEX to actually do Sunday Delivery (extra if you want it in a four hour time block).  A day to eat dinner at a restaurant serving a flight menu where you can actually pick the meat or the chicken and everyone gets the same dessert (and you will be out in 1.5 hours). A day where the wine list is 20% more expensive than the day before and after. A day when limos are as plentiful as prom. A day where restaurant coupons don’t work. A day when you BETTER show up with a card, candy and flowers. A day of comparisons:  What did you get? Oh look Mary got a bouquet at her home and her desk.

As you can see I think and have always believed that Valentine’s day is a bunch of crap. Ironically, I'm also a hopeless romantic.  I think these are mutually exclusive.  In my youth I was a willing participant in this day, but come on what do you expect? 

As many of you know, I bring Nita flowers all the time, not because I’m supposed to and certainly not because someone else says so.  Now I’m not a complete tool, I’ve sent Nita flowers on Valentine’s day. And we’ve gone to nice restaurants as well which, by the way, we do all the time anyway.  I usually complain the whole time (not all the time, just on Valentine’s).  However, 9 years ago we started a little tradition.  I created a scavenger hunt in our home.  I would hand make about 20 cards, put clues on them, and little notes in each one and then hid them around the house.  Some of the notes are quotes, some are lists of things we’ve done, places we’ve traveled to, milestones, etc.  Some contain song lyrics, and some are dancing stations.  It’s been nice.  We would then cook a really nice dinner at home and open a nice wine, unless pregnant or nursing.

Then the kids came.  So we didn’t have the same amount of free time and had to keep a close eye on naps, nannies, and feeding times. This is where I relaxed my rebellion against hallmark and sent flowers a couple of times, but the hunt lived on.  This year however, I thought Connor was old enough to help.  So I got Scooby doo and dolphin cards, made the map, attached the clues, printed out the love notes, song list, dancing stations, and milestone list.  I went home a little early and hunt, or at least the hiding, was ready to go.  My vision was that this would be a more family fun scavenger hunt and the song stations would include songs that Connor can sing and the dances would put Josie in my arms and Connor in Nita’s.  The best laid plans.  A few hours prior to the hunt…Connor spiked a 104 temperature and started crying.  Poor thing, it was full stop on fun.  Instead it was bath and ibuprofen. We then changed into damage control mode, soup acquisition, and low excitement.  Nita was mad.  I think a key component was Nita went out and took both the grandmothers flowers with Connor in the morning.  AND, she went and got me a couple of gifts, things that I actually wanted.

Now I know a lot of you are sitting in judgment thinking that I should have also brought flowers, or a store-bought card.  To you I say, WAKE UP SHEEPLE!  That is the trap!  My argument was: “I bring flowers all the time.  Why is some husband who brings Valentine flowers and is a dick the other 364 days of the year a better husband? If that is the criteria, I can save a lot of money and a ton of time and set up a recurring order on a flowers website.  I can spend 15 seconds and meet that ‘model’ husband status forever or until my card needs to be updated.”

Sometimes when we lash out it evolves into something completely different from the initial point of the argument. And once we really start communicating it all comes out. That’s what happened, our little tiff turned into some tears, but once we drilled down and got through the facts everything was all good.  So communication is really the great problem solver.  Bad news doesn’t get better with age, so if something is up, get it out.  Don’t let it morph into something more.  And humorously enough, have you ever been watching a sit com and some TV couple is having an argument?  Invariably one of them will make a leap that makes you shake your head and say…where did THAT come from?  On TV it’s funny.  Here it reminded me of the fact that we’ve been spending so much energy on the kids that we need to keep working on the “us.”  I think we’re about ready for an adult overnight, just the two of us.  Last one was about 17 months ago.

Connor was feeling quite a lot better the day after. So last night we did the family scavenger hunt.  And it was FUN.  Connor was helping mommy decipher the clues and guess where the next card could be found.  He loved the Scooby doo cards and so did Josie.  Josie giggled and drooled as she chased everyone around the house to help find the next card.  I even made the clues a little easier and placed the cards around Connor’s eye level or lower.  So I think we had a great family fun night.  We had a date night last weekend and I think another coming up this weekend. So what do you think?  Did I beat Hallmark?  Or am I making too much of this? Damn you Hallmark!

Wednesdays with Abuelita.

Okay so before anyone jumps the gun here, mom is fine.  There is nothing wrong with her and in fact she’s even losing weight and feeling better.  So with that out of the way, I’ll begin.

This is the week of our huge sales training for my company.  We go and take over a hotel and essentially schedule about 18 hours of each day filled with all the new things we’re doing, building and selling.  As I was flying out I grabbed a book that has been sitting in my study for quite some time.  Usually I’ll read a Vince Flynn book and enjoy secret agent Mitch Rapp as he dispatches all enemies against the State.  But alas, I’ve read them all now. So I grabbed the book Tuesday’s with Morrie.  If any of you haven’t read it before or don’t know the premise, it is about a writer who hears that his favorite college professor is dying of ALS.  So he decides to visit him and he records their visits each Tuesday while he is fading.  Each day has a different theme and Morrie continues to teach young Mitch about life, death, family, etc.  It’s not as depressing as it sounds and NO I’m not overreacting because of my recent blood lab mix up.  This is a beautiful book about stripping away some superficial layers and being in the moment.  Finding out what is important to you and embracing all of it.

We are in the middle (hopefully tail end – no pun intended) of potty training Connor.  He’s got it pretty well down that he has to go potty and will announce and run to the bathroom.  However he still has issues with opportunity cost.  By that I mean he’ll ask himself the question “Is a dry diaper/pull-up worth stopping what I’m doing right now?  I’m having fun playing trains and I’d hate to lose my momentum.”  So there’s that.  In any case, last week he comes running up to me and says, “Daddy, daddy!!!! I have to wash my hands RIGHT now!”  I look and he has something kind of greenish brown on his fingers, surely it can’t be…as I lean down and take a quick sniff.  Yep! Poop!  As I lift him to the sink and start lathering up his little hand, I ask him what happened.  He said he has to go poo.  Turns out he has a little more giving to do. Those of you who REALLY know me, know I’m a process guy.  And I’m wondering what the steps and thoughts were that went from playing, to pooping to reaching to running to daddy for the clean hands.  I’m also wondering if there is some yet undiscovered trail or mound of poop somewhere on a rug that costs more that everything else in the room.  Luckily it was contained in his diaper, but I still wonder how it went down.

Asking a three year old to tell you how something went down is also a funny experience.  There is excitement and they are obsessed with pretend play.  It reminded me of a time before we had kids.  We had a party and some of our friends brought their kids.  Being without children, we hadn’t given a single thought to childproofing our home.  So Nita left some earrings that were well within a child’s range.  As you have probably guessed by now, one of them came up missing.  I asked my friends if they could ask their daughter if she took it or if she left it somewhere.  They said they’d try but getting a whole and accurate account of an event from a three year old isn’t as easy as it sounds.  I thought they were just protecting the innocence of their child, but I get it now.  If there is any fear that the child might get in trouble or the ability to tell a better story, the story will change.  I mean even if you watch it go down. It’s actually pretty funny.  And don’t worry, the earrings were insured and Nita got a new pair.

Josie has become quite the little pickle as well.  She has discovered how to get even more attention by being more annoying to Connor.  She’ll go up and give him a big hug while he’s playing.  I think she’s baiting him to push her away so we’ll pick her up and hold her when she “cries.”  She also will compete for reading time.  If Connor brings one of us a book and says “Daddy will you read this book,” Josie is sure to be right behind him with a different book. And she gets mad if you don’t start reading it.  I have found that you can kind of fool her by continuing to read the original book to Connor and turn the pages to Josie’s book and point occasionally.  I know this will not last long.

Negotiating with a three year old is also a pretty fun event.  They will promise things they have no intention of delivering in order to get one more marshmallow or jump in the puddle.  Jumping in the puddle is an art Connor has mastered.  The irony of a good puddle jump is once you’ve jumped in it once; you may as well roll around in it. The whole point of avoiding the puddle is so your shoes, socks, and jeans don’t get wet.  Once they are wet, there is no dryness to protect any longer.   Connor has mastered the “Please daddy, can I just step in the puddle, just one time, one time only?”  I think he thinks I’m surprised that he can get soaked up to his knees with one well timed jump.  This is especially true at the playground behind my mother’s house.

When Connor was born we moved mom out to our neighborhood and her home backed up to the playground of Spicewood elementary.  So when it was time to replace her fence, we built in a gate.  So when we go visit (just a golf cart ride away), we can open up the gate and just go play in the park.  Connor has experienced quite a bit at that playground: He has learned how to play cricket with the guys who practice there, he’s seen basketball try-outs.  He’s run the track and climbed up all seven sets of playground equipment.  He’s pulled a wagon, pushed a stroller, and pulled a wheeled basket all of which either had rocks, Josie, or mom’s dog.  He’s chased birds, squirrels and pet dogs.  But his favorite thing after a good rain, is to go puddle hopping.  Remember the mudder episode right?  If there is mud, Connor will find it.  And Josie loves watching brother splash around in it too.  She even gets into it a little.  But this is what I was thinking about when reading Tuesday’s with Morrie.  The question was asked about family, and whether or not it was worth having children.  Morrie answered “There is no experience like having children.  That’s all.  There is no substitute for it.  You cannot do it with a friend; you cannot do it with a lover.  If you want the experience of having complete responsibility for another human being, and to learn how to love and bond in the deepest way, then you should have children.”

So coincidentally over the last few months, we’ve been going over to my mother’s house every Wednesday.  The kids call her “abuelita” which means “little grandmother.”  She makes us dinner while we go play in the park out back.  Then we come in and eat a meal and visit and then take the kids home and get them ready for bed.  It’s become a nice little routine and the book made me think about how mom must be feeling about getting immersed in family every week.  I hope someday Connor and Josie will want to come visit Nita and I every week so I can watch their kids grow up.  But until then, “Hey Connor, look, a puddle. Go ahead boy, just don’t splash your sister.