Thanksgiving 2.0

Thanksgiving 2.0

Well I made it through another thanksgiving.  Some probably think I mean the grandparents or in-laws coming in, or perhaps young children doing what they do around fine china and crystal.  Nope, I mean I am living one year and three months after my surgery and diagnosis of colon cancer.  That is no simple feat and I’m glad I’m around to talk about it.

This week has been phenomenal. First I took Connor to his very first Aggie football game.  It was the UTSA game last Saturday.  It was cold and windy.  The section of the stadium in which we were sitting had no direct sunlight.  We were in the “shaded” portion covered by the upper deck.  So what would have been awesome seats in the late summer and September turned into a blast chiller this November.  But it was one day before Connor’s 8^th birthday and we had a great time…until halftime.  By then, thankfully, Connor was cold and tired.  I say thankfully because even though I was wearing a hat and lined gloves, the cold just came right through.  My fingers were literally burning inside my gloves from the cold.  Nothing I did or could do would warm them up.  But I would gut it out for my son.

We left and listened to the second half on the way home and Connor was happy.  He had candy in the stadium and his iPad for the ride home.  We’ll check this off as a successful adventure.  We didn’t get to tailgate with anyone, the 11AM game was a bit early for everyone, but at least we were able to win this game.

Sunday was the beginning of a new tradition for our neighborhood.  Remember how awesome I told you my neighbors were?  Well, we decided to have a “Friends-giving” party.  About 12 families got together and pitched in with turkey and a whole mess of sides and pies.  For the kids we put up a jumpy castle.  The kids ran around and played and the adults just enjoyed visiting and watching the kids.  We had a bunch of outdoor tables set up like a long Peanuts style table and the only thing missing was popcorn, jelly beans and toast.  It was wonderful.  It was also Connor’s official birthday and Nita brought him a cupcake.  Everyone serenaded him and he was all smiles.  The kids then raided the dessert table.

Monday I took the kids to an arcade.  I took the entire week off to be with them and we all had a blast.  I don’t take holidays for granted anymore, so we squeezed every ounce of fun out we could.  I tied up some loose ends for our tournament and dinner/auction coming in. Can you believe it is just one week away?  By the way, about the raffle tickets.  There are several left, but once they are sold out, there are no reprints.  We intentionally kept the volume low to increase winning percentage and hopefully excitement.  The purpose?  Well since I probably won’t be around the “ladies” raffle with the diamond as a prize will fun my daughter’s wedding.  The “dudes” raffle will fund my son’s honeymoon and perhaps part of a down payment on his house (if interest rates ever go back up).   In any case, I want these to be gifts from beyond to let the kids know that I was and will always be watching, loving, and helping them…no matter what. https://martinezfamilycancerfoundation.org/dinner-auction/raffles/

Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders donated a signed boot and picture to the auction

Wednesday we went to see the movie Trolls. It was cute and had Anna Kendrick and Justin Timberlake.  The kids liked it and it was basically an animated pitch perfect without the mashups.  We then just played and watched another fun movie at home for dinner.  Thanksgiving was a very fun and calm event for us.  I set our table (because I like doing that) and we ate like kings.  The blessing this year was about friends, family, life, and time together.  No big shock I suppose, but also not skipping over the little things that really matter when you get right down to it.  I thanked God for another holiday together.  I know that these moments are so precious and I can’t believe how many I had taken for granted before.

Right before the movie...before the popcorn and m&ms.

My book is currently in the hands of several editors and I’m getting pretty good reviews.  I think some of them picked up the blog about halfway and hadn’t gone back from the beginning and are now seeing the entire story linearly. I’ve also been given feedback that linear books are not very sexy in the industry.  So nothing to report yet, but it might get re-arranged to take on a Tarantino flashback circular type of flow, who knows. But what I can tell you is that it will get printed and published even if I have to self-publish.

Well here we are at Friday. (I didn’t do my homework this week and am writing it all today – sorry). Thanksgiving is over which means Christmas begins.  Rupert, our elf, is ready to make an entrance tonight and next Saturday we’ll go throw trees as is our neighborhood tradition.  Oh, and I found out some good news.  My CEA score is nothing to freak out about.  Turns out that the oncology group I use was expanding and upgrading some equipment.  So several of the CEA scores were fluctuating a bit.  Apparently within an acceptable range.  My oncologist and his nurse were not shocked or concerned with my number last week. They said to wait and see what the scores are for the next couple of weeks.  So that is great news.

This next weekend is my tournament and event. I suppose we’ve crossed enough “Ts” and dotted enough “Is” to make this thing successful.  I had some celebrities confirm their commitments and we’re ready to roll.  My team has done an amazing job of PR, handling the details, getting auction items, reaching out to sponsors, and creating a fun and kid friendly event.  I wish I could list them all, but there are too many to thank here.  But I affectionately call them my ROCKS and I love them dearly.  Thank you Rocks!

So I hope to see many of you next Sunday or Monday.  I’m still above ground, I’m still kicking, and I’m thankful.  I am thankful that my children are enjoying our time together.  I’m thankful that my mother and Nita’s mother are still around to share holidays with us.  I’m thankful that my friends and neighbors are so amazing and our kids all play well together.  I’m thankful for the amazing generosity of time and effort that has been showered upon my family.  I’m thankful for friends near and far who will be flying or driving in for the event.  Finally, I’m thankful for all of you.  I hope each of you can find a way to remain calm and peaceful during this election and holiday season. 

Life is what you make of it, you can change what you do, you can embrace it, but you don’t get do-overs.  Like the hand in the running stream analogy, it keeps moving.  You only get one chance to kiss your wife or your child on a specific birthday.  The next day it is gone.  My dad also used to tell me, “You can’t change what happens to you, only how you react to it.”  So my advice is to go make someone’s day today.  Tell someone you love them, even a stranger.  Okay, maybe not on black Friday.  That might get you in a fight depending on your tone.  But go seize the day.  Take chances today, look at your trashed home and instead of thinking “awe man, I’ve got to clean all this shit up” perhaps think, “wow, look at how lucky I am to have all this shit.” And I love you, Happy Thanksgiving! TeamMarco@austin.rr.com

 

 

Words Mean Things

Words mean things

The weekend certainly started off with a shake-up.  College football saw the 2^nd, 3^rd, 4^th, 8^th, and 9^th ranked teams all lose. That certainly throws things into flux doesn’t it (Thursday number 5 would lose as well)?  Sunday, we celebrated my son’s 8^th birthday (a bit early).  He really loves military stuff so we had his birthday at the Texas Military Forces museum at Camp Mabry and then pizza and cake at Mayfield park among the turtles and peacocks.  At Camp Mabry they had a battle simulation and weapons demonstration.  It was awesome to watch the reactions to WWII weaponry being discharged and explained.  They even shot a bazooka and a Sherman tank.  Afterwards the kids were invited onto the “battlefield” to pick up spent shell casings.  I haven’t seen children that excited to hunt for things since Easter. Kudos to Nita for the planning and timing on what could have been a logistical nightmare!  In fact, the day after several parents reached out and said it was the most awesome birthday party they’ve ever been to. Thanks to all you veterans out there, God Bless America!

Friday night I played golf for the first time in a year and a half.  Our club had a “glow golf” tournament where we use glow in the dark balls and light sticks taped to the flags. I was a last-minute fill in for some friends and I had to promise Nita I’d take easy swings, not dislodge my port, and not bleed out. Since I’m here writing this, we know I kept my promise.  I did take it pretty easy since it was just a friendly fun tournament.  I may swing a club or two in my tournament coming up, who knows, we’ll see.  But the upside was it was dark so I didn’t have to worry about the sun beating down on me.  Remember chemo makes you burn quickly.

This soldier would give Connor his cover for his birthday

Saturday night a buddy came by to watch the A&M game with me.  He had been in Ecuador for a year and he anxiously asked me if he should have brought me some Viagra.  It was then that I realized the flaw in a Facebook post I had made to a small group of friends.  I made a joke and instead of saying that chemo made me chemically “sterile” I stated that I was “impotent.”  We both laughed and I immediately told Nita about it.  It was pretty funny but yes using the correct word matters, doesn’t it? Words mean things.

This is chemo week, yay!  The effects are stacking up.  Last week was the first off-week where I had a full week of tingling/neuropathy in my hands and fingers. I’m sure It’ll only get worse this week.  That means that the cumulative effect is setting in.  This is my sixth treatment so we’re half way to what they can hit me with at one time without a break (21st treatment if you are counting all of them).  I’m happy that my numbers were going down, but afraid that the neuropathy might be permanent.  My discussion with the oncologist Monday morning went like this: 

Me: So is my neuropathy a reaction to the drug which will dissipate once I stop or is it doing permanent nerve damage?

Him: Oh, it can be permanent.  You’ll feel the effects long after you stop the medication.  It may take years for the normal feeling to come back.

Me: Awesome, I’m not sure I’ll be around “long” after I stop the medication.

Him: I meant theoretically, but you never know.

So there is that. 

The neuropathy, acid reflux, and the mouth issues seemed to be the biggest nuisance during the front part of the week. Now that the cold is starting to come around the doctor recommended I wear gloves more and long sleeved shirts.  He said it would help; that I should keep warm because the cold really exacerbates the tingling, numbness, and pain.  Well nothing says Christmas like numb fingertips!

Oh and ice is out.  Remember when you tweaked a muscle, joint, or something and you would normally ice the affected area?  Yeah, I can’t do that now.  Heat, yes. Ice? No.  So, no more overdoing anything really.  Just in time for me to help coach Connor’s basketball team.  Luckily about 80% of basketball is conditioning and I’m out of shape.  This should go well.

I attended the mandatory coaches meeting on Wednesday night. It was miserable.  The training was fine, but I got home and wrapped myself in a blanket as soon as I got back.  This new chemo really does takes its biggest toll on me Wednesday and Thursday after I’ve taken the pump out.  Thursday practices are going to be rough.  I might just go buy a whistle and be the team’s sports psychologist.

Connor got painted this Tuesday.  He’s officially a cub scout and passed his first inspection.  He’s really enjoying the experience.  Unfortunately, due to chemo week, his momma had to go stand with him and get painted too.  Moments like these are when the chemo hurts more than the physical side effects.  Even more disappointing is that the kids are so understanding at this point.  It has become their reality as well.  I remember so many times running around playing one on one with my dad and playing catch in the yard and I fear that my kids won’t have that as a strong memory.  It can be discouraging, but the sun will rise tomorrow and we’ll do something else together, like go to this weekend’s Aggie football game for his birthday.

The poisoned feeling is back.  I went to pick up the kids from school on Tuesday and two separate moms came to the car and told me I didn’t look so good.  So much for a game face.  Wednesday was worse.  I was feeling both tired and poisoned.  It’s hard to try to be chipper when you both look and feel like hammered dog shit.  Then the CEA score came back and it was 4.7.  I don’t think it is time to panic…yet.  Going up a tick doesn’t necessarily mean anything.  If it continues to go up…Houston we might have a problem.  Well just hope and pray for the best here. But let’s just say I’m glad I didn’t buy those non-refundable plane tickets to Hawaii for August.  It is hard purging the voice in my head screaming “23.7 months life expectancy – there is no cure.”

In chemo camp, I had a nice chat with another camper.  I explained my journey, blog, and how I chronicled it.  As he sat there listening I could see the pain on his face as he relived his year dealing with his cancer and chemotherapy. He reaffirmed that the book needs to happen.  He stated that currently there isn’t an inside look at what goes on in the heart, mind, and body of a cancer patient. He also said that his memory is failing him.  We call it Chemo brain.  It isn’t like Alzheimer’s or anything, but there are times when you are having a conversation with someone and the correct or perfect word just isn’t there.  Previously it easily leapt into your head during the flow of your conversation, now you kind of struggle with it.  I used to write my blog on the first sitting and maybe do a single edit.  Now it takes three or four read throughs and I constantly have to send myself notes reminding me to include things (or ask Nita to email them to me).  It isn’t so bad I need to carry a notebook around, but the hamster doesn’t spin the wheel as quickly as he used to.

Thursday evening there was a petting zoo for the kids, the animal whisperer was on his game

One thing he said was disturbing, but all too common. He said he was thinking of not continuing the medication…it has been “enough.” I told him that I felt cancer would ultimately win, but I would never let it beat me down.  I told him that my children were eight and six and giving up wasn’t an option for me.  His head dropped and he was speechless for a moment.  He then said he couldn’t imagine his scenario with young children.  We talked about him for a long while, he was a marathon runner and has climbed all the peaks in Colorado. Once again showing that cancer doesn’t play favorites.  It also shows that I have been caught up in an older man’s disease, it wasn’t meant for younger guys with a lot of responsibilities to their family.

I finished my book this week.  I’ve shipped it off to a few author friends for third and fourth edits, (should I have used tertiary and quaternary now that I’m an author?). Anyway, once I get feedback and edits, I’ll start looking for avenues and vehicles to get it out there.  Thanks again for all the direction and requests to pull this off.  It was a little painful reliving the entire year going through each week with the benefit (or curse) of hindsight, but I think it will make a pretty good read.  I hope a few hundred thousand people agree and can provide the family with some security.

Before anyone gets too wound up about the changing score, remember it is a data point not a trend.  I know I said that once before and it spiked to 40; and this is the last realistic drug regimen for any shrinkage that can be done locally.  However, there are some containment drugs still on the table and of course there is a clinical trial at MD Anderson for which I might be eligible and able to get into (I’m not sure if this part is for you or for me).  There are still options and no reason to get discouraged.

So as we slide into Thanksgiving week, I am cautiously optimistic.  At the same time, I am wildly thankful for all the wonderful gifts and experiences I’ve been allowed to have and share this past year. This time of year is always special to me because eight years ago, after several years of trying to get pregnant, we brought home our sweet Connor 4 days before Thanksgiving.  I will never forget how full my heart was that year.  Two years later we’d repeat with Josephine just 15 days before Thanksgiving.

I received a note from a woman who stumbled across my blog this week.  She reached out and said that her father had just passed away from colon cancer this October.  He lived exactly one month from diagnosis to death and the family was reeling from the sudden change in their lives.  How is that for perspective?  Thankfully, I was given more time.  I don’t know if it was a miracle or a test.  But by the glory of God, I was given a second chance to be a better person, father, and friend; and luckily I don’t think I have blown it.  So enjoy your Turkey and football fellow travelers and be truly thankful for the gifts around you.  I’m sure if you look harder you just might see a few more than you thought.  TeamMarco@austin.rr.com.

to attend the dinner or tournament please register on the website, it's filling up fast.  If you cannot attend but want to support, there is a raffle where you can win a diamond or a big green egg.  You do not have to be present to win.  https://martinezfamilycancerfoundation.org/dinner-auction/raffles/
 

 

Vatican II

Vatican II

This was an off week for me and due to the fact we slid chemo back one day for Halloween, my schedule was still a bit off.  My normal “feeling pretty good” weekend of was slightly lower than normal.  I managed to get through it all with a packed weekend of kids and adult fun.

Friday night we took the kids to a restaurant with a huge back area to play.  I love our neighbors and friend’s attitudes.  We try to find places where the kids can run around and chase lightning bugs, get creative, and get dirty.  It’s working.  They play well together, get super sweaty and chase bugs, etc., kind of like when we were kids.  Unplanned activity, meaning no structured play, in my opinion leads to more creativity.  The kids are forced to figure out group dynamics, get along, and come up with inclusive games.  They do and they play well together.  I’m not sure how much this is still done, but I think very important developmentally for them as well as how to find their place in the herd.

Saturday night we scheduled big adult’s night out to celebrate a handful of birthday parties.  Nita’s birthday along with three other neighbors inspired 25 of us to descend on a hip part of Austin where we had dinner and then drinks at a club afterwards.  Now in fairness, I don’t remember the last time I went clubbing.  When we got there, I looked around and things certainly have changed.  Apparently renting a hookah is a thing at bars now (if you are reading this aloud to someone else, please annunciate hookah for them) come to think of it, there may have been hookers there too.  But by 11PM I was wiped out and we took a ride service home.  I slept until 10AM the following day (thank you mom for taking the kids).  It probably didn’t help that I was up early that morning and then popped over to my friend Hal’s man cave to watch Texas A&M obliterate their chances at the football playoffs.  But that is another story.

Connor is taking religious education classes right now.  He’s learning the path he needs for his first communion and confession (reconciliation). He is enjoying his classes and is actually applying his newfound knowledge in funny ways around the home.  I am dying to give you an example, but would more than likely lose half of my audience, so suffice to say, he’s doing well. Another thing I learned (and should have known) is that Vatican II changed the sacrament of “the last rites” to “the anointing of the sick.”  Now I figured that was just a name change with the same concept.  However, it applies to people with terminal illnesses who aren’t immediately on the way out.  So technically I could take advantage of this sacrament and see if we could perhaps start that miracle train.  It certainly couldn’t hurt…right Father Bill?

My sweet daughter Josephine turned 6 on Thursday.  Nita and I blew up some balloons and put up streamers after they went to bed.  She woke up to a fun festive breakfast and was all smiles throughout the day.  I then went from work to her school and had lunch with her.  Again, she was surprised to see me and tickled that I brought her some cheesecake (her favorite) to snack on.  It was a big hit as she sat on the stage and watched her friends watching her get some love and attention.  I brought a candle and a lighter and we did a super quick light and blow out so we wouldn’t get in trouble.  Shhhh, don’t tell anyone.

The tournament is going extremely well.  The dinner menu was finalized and the auction items have been rolling in.  We currently have about 65K in item value for the event…not including the raffle.  Speaking of the raffle, we figured out how we’re going to use it.  Going back to the sacraments, there is one for sure that I am fairly certain I will not be able to attend.  According to the statistics and other factors, it is a safe assumption that I won’t be around for Josephine or Connor’s weddings.  So Nita and I decided that we’ll use the raffle from the “ladies” auction to fund Josie’s wedding and the raffle from the “dudes” auction to fund Connor’s honeymoon.  So when the time comes and they are wondering how they are going to pay for those events, either Nita or our executor will be able to say, “Your dad (or mom and dad – hopefully not) took care of this when he was still with us.  He promised he’d take care of you even when he was gone and here you go.  Enjoy your day(s).”

Later that evening we met some friends out for dinner and Josephine was again serenaded over a sparkler candle and a cup of ice cream.  She really did enjoy her day and I loved being involved in so many parts of it.  While we were at dinner I ran into several of my dear friends from the neighborhood.  I got a lot of hugs and well wishes.  One of the most touching things that was said to me was, “If God listens to me pray at all, you are going to be okay.”  We were both nearly moved to tears.

So Connor’s birthday party will be Sunday at the Military Forces Museum.  He adores Camp Mabry and all the cool regalia. Prior to his party there is a WW2 reenactment battle where the kids will have front row seating as some German tanks are forced to retreat by some American tanks and a bomber.  There are explosions, guys running and jumping into foxholes, etc.  Basically, a big pile of awesome for 2^nd graders.  We’ll then hop over to Mayfield park to have cake with the peacocks.

This year marks the first year we won’t have the famous petting zoo free-for-all party.  I was told by quite a few adults how much they would miss it.  Honestly, I do to.  Not solely for the convenience of combining the two birthdays into one event; but I really do like petting all those ducks, pigs, chickens, and goats.  They usually also bring a baby donkey and those guys are just adorable. So things change, the kids are growing up and making independent decisions.  That is okay, actually that is great. 

I am confident that now each one is at a stage in their development where some of my lessons have sunken in, but most importantly that I won’t be forgotten.  I put together a slide show and had a lot of pictures doing things with the children.  I showed it to the kids and Josie said, “Dad we sure have done a lot of stuff together!”  I hope there is room and time for a few more things.  But I’m thankful for the time I’ve been given, and regret the time I squandered.  I’m here now and certainly do not take that for granted.  Have a wonderful day everyone.  Hope to see you soon. TeamMarco@austin.rr.com

Christmas Commercials Already?

Christmas commercials already?

Halloween swept through this weekend and we came home with some hardware.  Connor won two costume contests while Josephine changed costumes four times trying to somehow unseat the king of the monsters (Connor went as Godzilla).  The funny thing is Connor doesn’t really care about winning, he likes winning, but it doesn’t bother him when he doesn’t.  Josephine, on the other hand, is VERY competitive.  In fact, on Sunday at a Halloween party there was a costume contest, which Connor won, and a cake walk which Connor also won (a cake).  I was literally praying that Josie would win a cake.  Thankfully she won the second to last walk and we could all exhale.

She then graciously handed out cupcakes to all the kids who didn’t win as is her nature.  She likes to win, but then share the victory.  She’s a great kid…but she must win!  The next night was Halloween and I pushed my chemotherapy back one day so I could go trick or treating with them.  As I may have stated previously, our neighborhood goes all out.  There are caravans of golf carts taking over streets like a biker gang at war, but with kids running around crazily trying to fill bags with candy.  It is a very safe environment with a lot of parents out also enjoying the fun.  In fact, there are now different neighborhood stations where people have wine, beer, sausage wraps, and hot dogs…so everyone gets into the act.

After the trick or treat madness we used to have a great plan for the candy.  Josie’s birthday is on November 10 and Connor’s is on November 20.  we would combine the birthday parties into one big petting zoo and use all the Halloween candy for piñatas. But alas this has become the year I was dreading…the separate birthday party year.  Connor wants a military museum themed party and Josie an art and nature event.  So there it is.  Apparently, Mayfield park is anti-beating-a paper-mâché-animal filled with candy in front of the peacocks, so we’ll have to dispose of the candy the old fashioned way.

Chemo week.  I must be honest, I’m still riding the high of the good news from last week’s MDA visit, and perhaps a bit of the chocolate I pilfered from the kid’s baskets.  So even though chemo sucks, it somehow didn’t feel as bad this week.  Yes, all the side effects kicked in but I felt better about them.  I’m not sure, but I suppose I just felt like the gift of time and love superseded all the yuck.  So I’m not going to complain about that stuff, we’ll just have to wait for some more scores to see where we are…but the scans from last week showed nice progress.  Oh, and for those of you keeping score at home – CEA was 3.4.  Remember anything under 3 is considered normal.  And late this summer we were at 40.  Rock and Roll.

What a World Series Both. the Cubs. And the Indians battled, and were gritty. And of course the series went seven games and extra innings in the last one…with a rain delay. But Seriously five Christmas commercials during game seven on November 2? (try to read in a Christopher Walken voice – that’s how I wrote it, so punctuate in whatever manner makes you happy).

The managers had some injuries and confidence issues and managed to overcome them all to get to ultimate showdown.  Then the Cubs overcame Chapman’s arm (closers don’t throw 150 pitches in four days…ever) and Lester’s inability to throw a ball in the infield…and they exorcised a 108-year-old curse.  Now what will their fans complain about? Sorry guys, but no more bitching, time to get a new hobby. 

This will be a short one.  My lovely wife checked another tick mark off the calendar as she celebrated her birthday.  We didn’t do much this time since I was hooked up to my pump.  But no complaints, we’ll do something nice for her this weekend, and she’s still happy about last year’s shiny chicken. 

One of my friends called me Thursday night.  We had a quick but torrential downpour here in Austin and there is a secret connector street which I will not ruin for the savvy commuters.   However, when my friend got to the final low water crossing people were turning around.  Now my buddy called me just after this and said, “At first I was pissed. Then I wondered if I should just 4x4 my way over it.  And then I thought, ‘what if I’m the dumb ass that ends up on the news floating down the creek?’  So I asked myself, what would Marco do?  Old Marco would cuss and think he’d just lost 20 minutes.  New Marco would think, ‘Hey, I’ve got 20 minutes to call a friend before I get home.’  And that’s what I did!”

No finer testament to finding joy in tense or distressing moments than that in my opinion.  We chatted for a bit and he made it home safely.  There are moments when you are given credit for things that you may not have had any impact, but they are flattering nonetheless. Good friends and good kids are the real testament to the kind of person you are don’t you think?  Thanks to my friends (and kids) for making me look good.

Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders donated a signed photo and boot for the auction

The tournament and dinner/auction is shaping up nicely.  We just opened the raffle today, you can enter the raffle even if you can’t attend.  Check it out at: https://martinezfamilycancerfoundation.org/dinner-auction/raffles/.  I do hope to see many of you at the events to share some stories, have some fun, and just catch up.  Many of you have played pivotal roles in my journey and I’d like to give you a hug and thank you for it. God bless y’all and keep those thoughts and prayers rolling.  TeamMarco@austin.rr.com