Business travel is quite different from family vacation travel. There are many more moving parts. And you are no longer in charge of your space, time, or anything really. You might as well throw chicken bones in the corner to see how your trip will go. As some of you know, I’m a quite experienced traveler and have my own little routine. I know where most of the hold ups will be and usually know the shortest or at least the less stressful path. I had never flown with my own children before.
My wife is late to almost everything, she now blames it on the children, but we were married for five years prior to Connor’s arrival and we never made it on time then either. So I call BS. But, with my mom, a three year old, a one year old and a chronically late wife…we had the car packed, everyone loaded and were on the road within 15 minutes of my hoped for departure time. First milestone, check.
We get to the airport and, oh by the way I forgot to mention the fall. The night before mom came over to drop off her luggage and fill in the checklist and as she walked out the garage to her car, slipped and fell down. She cracked a rib (hairline), bruised her arm and leg, and yanked the cord out of our sprinkler system controller for good measure. She refused medical treatment and the next day was a bit sore, but a trooper none the less. However, this presented two issues for us. How do I drop off two kids, five pieces of luggage, a stroller, and help everyone get situated knowing that mom can’t walk from the parking lot to the door and Connor would make a break for it in this new playground of sights and sounds. Sparing you the logistical chess match, we got everyone inside, mom waddled to the front desk, and I got the car parked and sprinted to the ticket counter. We’d already checked in on-line but had to show proof that our lap child (Josephine) was not a stolen black market baby. So we got that squared away. As we approached security, the line was minimal and we knew mom would be wanded because she has a titanium knee. Connor was very obedient during the process and after hearing a horror story about screaming-crying children from my best friend, I was extremely pleased with the relative ease of pushing through this checkpoint. Security milestone, check.
Inside the airport there was a mall Santa taking pictures. I begged Nita to forgo this freebie and suggested that instead we move to the Admirals club and get some lunch for us and the kids. Now the Admirals club is my home away from home and for years I’ve been bragging and showing pictures of my little ones to the girls who work there. They finally got to see them live and even if it was just polite, they ooohed and aaaahed over them and I felt as proud as a daddy could. Josie has been walking for all of 4 days at this point and was determined to do a lap around the club (thank you for being carpeted). While we were ordering sandwiches, Connor found the candy dish(es). He began bartering his good behavior and actions on “one more candy daddy.” And it was all down-hill from here. But the kids got some food, and so did we (and a cocktail). Third milestone, check.
People have different styles aboard an airplane. For example, my mother is chatty Kathy and really does want to tell you her life story and hear yours. I’m more of a put on the Bose headphones and read a good book kind of flyer…and of course a cocktail, warm nuts and a hot towel don’t hurt. We flew South West which doesn’t have a first class, but the seats are comfy and the attendants were very nice. Mom was chatting up the people in her row and trying to bring me into her conversation, I was just trying to hold Connor while he took a light snooze…and keep Josie from escaping from our row. One hour flight… easy. Fourth milestone, check.
I originally was going to bring our car seats and check them but was talked out of it by a friend. “Oh no, he said, just let them install them in the rental for you.” This sounded like a pretty low price to pay for two child seats I wouldn’t have to worry about and they’d already be installed. Well…they weren’t. Dollar rental car you suck balls. I argued for 30 minutes at the desk about what was the policy and what they would and wouldn’t do. I even upgraded to the larger car because it had the “hooks.” In any case, they refused to install the seats and off I went while my mom pushed Josie in a stroller and Nita chased Connor (remember the candy) around the baggage claim. I just knew all four of them would be abducted at any second. So I go out in the rain to install these cheap, dirty, barely fit for humans, car seats. As I’m putting on the neck restraint, my wet hand slips and I hit my eye on the corner of the upright third row seat. My eye is swelling and bleeding. I’m not pleased. But there is no way I’m going back inside the terminal just to bitch. I’ve got somewhere to be.
My cousin was supposed to meet us at the airport and we were going to follow him to his house…he didn’t…and he wasn’t answering his phone. Two lucky things happened, now you also have to understand that I’m FURIOUS at this point and both my mom and Nita are reluctant to offer suggestions. Back to the story. So for Christmas Nita’s mom wanted a GPS system. Each of our cars have one so we never had to buy an external device. So I called my boy Pete and asked what to get. He gave me some good advice and I bought it. I charged it, downloaded the new maps, I took it to her, installed it for her, taught her how to use it, and got her all set up. However, her abject fear of technology prevented her from using it. She called the next morning and said, “come get it, I can’t even look at it.” So luckily, I brought it with me. And as I cursed my cousin (just a little, primo), for not picking up the phone so I could at least get an address, Nita said, “I’ve got his address.” So I plugged it in and off we went to my cousin’s house. He did finally pick up and honestly, if I’d been dependent on his directions instead of the GPS, I’d have never made it. Arrival milestone, check.
When we got to his house, we were given the upstairs bedroom. It had a queen, bathroom, love seat and my cousin bought us a twin air mattress for Connor. We pushed the love seat against Nita’s side and it became a makeshift crib, and Connor’s mattress against my side. It all worked wonderfully, until one night when Connor wanted to be in the bed, because Josie was already in the bed. So I ended up on the air mattress. But it was all good.
The flight home was relatively uneventful. Everything was smooth and the kids were pretty worn out and ready to come home. We had another big Christmas the next day and Connor and Josie loved their gifts from home and were shocked that they were good enough for Santa to make two trips.
In a couple of weeks I’m flying out for business. And yes I will be flying alone…and I would like a Jack and diet, warm nuts, and I’ll take that hot towel please. Happy New year all.
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