Where’d all the money go?

Better stated, what are you waiting for?  Before we had children, and she was a stay-at-home-mom,  Nita was a part owner of a small consulting firm that sold ERP services. They did pretty well.  I was at Dell when they were still giving out stock, bonuses, and paying on realistic quotas with accelerators for overachievement.  The net effect was that Nita and were filling up our savings and investment accounts pretty nicely…not net jets nice, but nice enough.  We saved a lot, but we also traveled a lot.

Our honeymoon was a nice Italian adventure, we went on cruises, traveled to watch my buddy on the PGA tour, etc.  Then the stock market correction of 2008 took about 25% of our assets.  Our investment guy at the time asked us “where’d all the money go?”  The short answer was in two parts (actually three): 1. we spent some and enjoyed life. 2. Your job was to protect us from those corrections. 3. You’re fired.

We still have money squirrelled away, so don’t go starting a go fund me account or anything, that isn’t where I’m going with this.  There’ll be time for that when I’m gone if the family needs it.  My point is while we were still betting long on the future, we were also taking the time to enjoy the present.  That is what my current situation has really helped me hone in on, enjoying each precious moment with my friends and family.

This Wednesday I went to chapel with my daughter’s preschool class.  I sat in the front row and watched her sing, dance, and sign all the songs about the glory and power of God.  I am not ashamed to say I teared up a little.  This was always my vision for choosing a preschool.  To help us establish a foundation of prayer and faith, in a loving community.  It was nice to see that the choices we’ve been making are working according to plan.  We had a parent teacher conference with Connor’s teacher and the assistant principal and we went over some plans for him.  Connor has a lot of personality and maybe a bit too much of his father in him.  In any case, it was wonderful to see two educators in public school (no slight intended) accept so much responsibility for his development.  As parents we’ve been doing a LOT with him, but this has been more than a pleasant surprise, and our blessings keep rolling in.

I’m still coaching and helping their soccer teams this fall, and this spring will be coach pitch for Connor. Josie has mentioned she might want to try baseball or softball.  I hope I’m not shuttling back and forth to Houston at that time because baseball is the sport in which I can help them the most, but just in case I’m spending my time capital with them now.  We also had a friend donate her time and do a photo shoot with us this week.  We figured the Christmas cards should include hair.  So we’re taking the time to do all our fun family stuff now.  We might even camp in the backyard next weekend.  Because we don’t know how much time is left, and what am I saving it for? 

I had lunch with one of my best friends this week and we talked about how everyone is doing, reacting, and responding to my development.  Over the past month or so people have really opened up about their experiences with cancer, depression, other major illnesses, chemo, etc.  There are a lot of folks who have been through some form of this.  I guess it is a lot like the military.  If you’ve been to war, you understand what those guys are going through, if not, you can only use media, movies, and your imagination to try to understand…but it is never quite the same or as real.  I sincerely appreciate the empathy and the attempts at understanding, and I clearly don’t wish this on anyone.  But it has been a gift at the same time.  Yes a gift.  I think other survivors will tell you the same.

I am now more patient with my wife and children…and even my mother.  I take the time to smell the perennial flowers (humorous aside - doctor and med friends, I originally misspelled perennial and my autocorrect put perineal- that’s the “taint” for all you laymen out there).  Previously if my kids barged in my home office to show me a picture or show me a bug/lizard they captured, I’d shoo them out and close my door until I’d finished the project on which I was working.  Now I stop what I’m doing and share their excitement, give them the attention they deserve, and get my hugs and kisses in.  The children have never been happier and neither have I.  There is nothing quite like watching your children’s faces light up with excitement, and it doesn’t have to be a treat or a present.  It can be 30 seconds of undivided attention and enthusiasm.  How much of this have I missed out on?  Last night I even crashed my wife’s book club event and we all went to see The Martian at the drafthouse.  No spoiler, but talk about a guy who refused to give up and retained a sense of humor.  I see signs all around me that give me confidence.  It seems like a new prayer shawl comes in the mail each week.  Cards and letters, emails, and texts of encouragement are constant. 

Statistically things aren’t good, so let’s just put that out there.  For those of you who may be thinking, “Wow, maybe it isn’t as bad as we thought.”  It is.  But, that is a statistical distribution against my entire peer group.  I had a conversation with my SEAL buddy again this week and I asked him what percentage of all military personnel could get through BUDS and then go on to become a SEAL (or Delta, Ranger, etc.)?  He said about 100^th of a percent.  I then said, well guess what, I’m competing against a bunch of 70 year olds, who have already done everything, watched their kids grow up, and who might be alone in their fight. In fact at MD Anderson I saw some of those guys and asked, “What the hell is that guy hanging on for?” which morphed into “If THAT guy can do it, I certainly can.”  Let’s face it, I have a lot to live for, an iron will, fairly high pain threshold, and I’m not afraid.  Where would you put me on the bell distribution?  It’s kind of like the old camping/hiking joke when the bear shows up.  You don’t have to out run everyone, just one guy.  In my case, I have to out-fight about 85 out of 100 guys, but I still like my chances.

Next week we’ll tell the children the whole story, or as much as they can realistically consume without scaring the shit out of them.  It’ll be inevitable due to the pump I’ll be wearing for a couple of days every two weeks, my immune system changes, potential lethargy, and the likelihood of my hair loss.  I’ve been rehearsing how I’m going to tell them, but whether I’m completely ready or not it’s time.  There are “team Marco” bracelets all over the place, a “Stomp Cancer” t-shirt that my office made, and many of our friend’s children are adding me to their nightly prayer list.  Someone is bound to say something to the kids, and well I’d rather it be through the lens in which I frame than the shock of “Hey I’m sorry your dad is dying, but don’t worry I’m praying for you.”  I’m guessing it’s better to be proactive on that than reactive.

Finally, I won a small concession in my treatment.  My port was installed this week and I was supposed to potentially start chemotherapy next week…but I asked my oncology team if I could wait one more week.  Why?  All my Aggie brothers already know the answer to this.  Because A&M plays Alabama on the 17^th and frankly I want to consume a few bourbons during this game before I effectively go dry for the next 9 months to a year (or so).  Yes it is worth it, and yes it matters for those of you rolling your eyes.   So as you can see, like the character in The Martian, you don’t have to give up or give in.  The goal is to hang on until the science catches up in time to rescue me.  I think I have what it takes.  In the meantime, what are you waiting for?  Go enjoy life, spend some money before the next crash, and live in the present.  Tell everyone who is important to you that you love them, they deserve it…and so do you.