You see JD was a once in a lifetime kind of soul. He was so brilliant, so funny, good looking, had
a great father, good friends, everything.
He had a good family, good job, and was a pretty good golfer and card
player. But the thing that got me was
how many people loved and supported him and how he could slip away from all of
that. As a parent of the two most brilliant
and beautiful children on the planet (I’m sure some of you may object but this
is my blog) I have this master plan on how to guide them to success. I even wrote Connor an 11 page manifesto on “how
to be a man” while he was still resting comfortably in Nita’s tummy. I have thought about the proper balance of
God, work, study, effort, discipline, fun, silliness, self-effacing humor, and
athletics.
I included paragraphs on how to be a good friend, how to
show respect, and how to stay on the correct path in the face of bad influences. It is very logical, I think pretty well
thought out, and not antiquated. It does
embrace old fashioned values, but in a 21st century sort of
way. And then the funeral. It was at that moment I realized that
although I can arm Connor and Josie with all the tools, advice, guidance, and
even a treasure map to success…I can’t guarantee anything. You can only pray that it all “takes” and
they choose wisely. Now I’m not stupid enough
to think that they would do everything I said or follow my logic to the letter into
always choosing the right decision. Heck
I can’t even get them to do that at 4 and 2 and I lost Nita years ago; and
honestly I don’t even take my own advice all the time. But I was hoping that
with enough of that proper alignment that it would at least be directionally
correct. By the way as a funny aside, it
isn’t just me that has a strategy for the kids.
Nita has a “bangs” strategy for Josie.
Yes you read that correctly no need to go back. I suggested that since Josie’s hair is always
in her face and we have to use clips or pig tails that we cut the front. Nita looked at me like I was from Mars and
then calmly explained her “bangs strategy.”
I had no idea there was such a thing.
I lost my golf swing a few months ago. I mean gone, really bad. What happened was I had a few injuries and
just played through them. Then with the
wind and tournaments and other stuff I just started shortening things up and
flattening them out. I was just looking
for something that would do. As time
went on and I repeated these bad habits it just came to a crescendo. I needed help. So I started on my lessons and realized that my
swing had hit bottom. The funny thing is
I’d always been able to visualize my swing and make some corrections that would
get me back to where I needed to be. I
think the funeral actually gave me the peace to accept someone else’s help.
Maybe that is the best lesson from the whole thing. There are times in your life when you need
help, we all do. Who among us offers it
to our friends and family? Who among us
accepts it for the gift that it is? I
love that both my kids want to do things on their own as they struggle for
identity and independence. Josie is the
queen of refusing help and shouting, “I want to do it, I don’t need help daddy,
I want to do it.” Whereas Connor (who’d
already been through that stage) is more apt to say, “Can you please help me
daddy, I need help.” I’m thoughtful on
when I do and don’t help, knowing that sometimes learning from failure is more
valuable than learning from watching the correct technique.
I know my friend had some issues and we all wanted to help
but it just didn’t work out. I know it
made me look at my own life a little differently and certainly my
children. It made me want to be more
patient with my wife and friends and maybe not demand as much perfection as I
normally do. In case some of you were
not at my wedding or my father’s funeral, I delivered a line from my father at
both. “Excellence is a state of
becoming, never a state of being.” So
his gift was to never be satisfied with current state because you can always be
better. And I guess it has served me
well over the years, but I may have unfairly applied it to others. So I’m looking out for that.
Enough of that.
Halloween is a few days away and Connor and Josie have begged us to take
them riding around the neighborhood daily to see all the displays our neighbors
have put up. They are really excited about
the candy, costumes, and trick or treating.
For the last month we’ve had to tell Halloween stories for bed
time. Not SAW IV stories, just cute
little Casper and trick or treat stories.
But you’ll see when all the pictures come in. Also, both the mom's birthdays were in October (photo shoot for Nita's mother). Nita’s birthday is
coming up this week and the kids on the following two weeks. There are lots of cupcakes in my future. Oh and Connor can do the Gangnam Style
dance. Perhaps a video may show up on FB
sometime soon.
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