Where do Babies Come From?

Well it wasn’t exactly that, but it was pretty funny nonetheless.  Before I go there I want to come right out and say what a bad daddy and husband I was this weekend.  I played in a fancy member guest golf tournament that included an open bar all around the course. Let’s just say that if we’d have been handicapped by consumption we’d have run away with the title.  But we weren’t…and we didn’t so there’s that.  But a good time was had by all and even though we went from second to sixth, not a single bad word was said to the other.  To the golf ball, the hole, the course, trees, bunkers, hazards, etc. there were plenty of bad words. But to my partner, there were none.  Good times.

While Nita was cooking dinner I walked in the kitchen and there was Connor holding the absolutely sharpest knife we own.  I freaked out.  Nita thinks I over reacted.  He’s 4.  Almost.  He should certainly not be holding a santoku knife.  About seven years ago we had what we called the “Jambalaya incident.”  You see Nita makes an awesome jambalaya.  So she was at the island dicing the onions when all of a sudden as I’m washing some vegetables…By the way, this was still before kids.  Back then we used to cook in the kitchen together and laugh and leisurely talk about our day.  We’d drink a glass of wine while prepping dinner and a 1 or 2 hour meal prep was no big deal.  Now, well you know if you have kids.  If I’m at the dinner table and I want to tell Nita something about work and it happens to be a five minute story, it takes 12 because we usually have to get someone more milk and or read “Goodnight Goon” the latest Halloween book in between stories.

Anyway, back to the dicing.  So there’s Nita cutting away and I heard a loud and distressed, “Oh No.”  I was an EMT so I immediately took her to the sink and started pouring cold water to check the depth of the cut.  Nita (before childbirth) was kind of squeamish about blood and that type of stuff and didn’t want me to touch her wound, much less assess and dress it.  So off we went to the emergency room.  When we got to the Doctor and told him what happened Nita asked, “What do you think?”  He joked, “I think you need sharper knives, this finger should have come off.”  So we got sharper knives.

And here is Connor with the sharpest one of them in his almost four year old hands.  Nita still thinks I over reacted, but hey man; I have a few basic jobs.  Keep them out of prison, keep them out of the hospital, teach them right from wrong, kill bugs, fix non-plumbing items around the house, and make them great athletes.  There is some character and scholarly well rounding in there, but that is for both of us.  If my tombstone reads, “He over reacted his way to awesome kids” I can live with that.

So while at dinner we’re just talking about school and Halloween and Connor notices our little video picture frame.  He sees a baby picture and asks, “Mommy how was I born?”  Nita proceeded to tell Connor about carrying him for 9 months in her tummy and then going to the hospital and then pushing and then out came Connor.  He then asked about Josie and we repeated the story.  Then he asked about me.  So being adopted I told him about the same story until the end when I said, “And then my mommy said, ‘I can’t take care of this baby.’  But right then Abuelita said, ‘I’ll take him and I’ll love him and care for him and raise him as my own baby.’”  Connor seemed somewhat impressed with the drama.  He then asked, “Mommy, how were you born.”  I said, “Her story is much less impressive.”  We all laughed while Nita said, “DUDE!”  Then he asked how Abuelita was born.  Mom told a story about her brother running over to get the midwife in her village and then really described foot positions and the spanking to get the air flowing.  Connor’s eyes were as big as oranges. 

I then had the idea of showing the kids their birth videos.  (No not the head out video, the first minutes).  So first was Connor’s clean up, temperature check and eye gel.  He was so teeny tiny.  He cried and shivered.  Connor was CAPTIVATED as was Josie.  We asked if he wanted to turn it off and he said he wanted to keep watching.  Then we showed the video of Connor meeting Josie for the first time.  That too was adorable.  Connor kept pointing to Josie and looking at her and saying, “That’s you Josie, that is little Josie when you were a baby.”  It was a pretty cute night.  I’ll have to re-read this someday when they get in a fist fight or are at each other’s throats for something. 

We usually tell stories during dinner or read books and the kids just love the adventures.  It was funny because when we were first married, we ate in front of the TV all the time.  We’d watch movies or get into a TV series or both.  We joked that when we had kids we hoped to have at least one night a week at the dinner table with no TV.  Now it’s the exact opposite.  Every night is at the dinner table and once every couple of weeks we’ll do a “fun family movie night” where we’ll watch a Disney movie and eat pizza in ManCave.  I hope this lasts for a while.  A few of my favorite people are about to have babies in the next few months.  One is a vet the others are brand new.  I’m not offering any advice other than one thing that has helped me.  I love hearing the stories from veteran parents.  If for no other reason than I can anticipate those events and play it out in my head how I would handle it when it came to be my turn.  So enjoy the blog new parents, plan accordingly, and don’t let them play with knives.