Character

Character

This week has had quite a few ebbs and flows.  My son was sick over the weekend and my best friend was preparing to play in a PGA event.  Is there anything worse than being sick on your days off?  Poor Connor was reeling from having to miss some of the events planned for the weekend and further distressed when he discovered the axiom “never trust a fart when you have a stomach bug.”  Additionally, with all the rain and subsequent rain outs, he is really feeling the no new toys until he swings in a game policy.  He is champing at the bit to swing this Saturday.  Which is kind of the goal isn’t it?

Omar is widely known on tour for his fajita cookout and his mother’s enchiladas. It started off at a house 20 years ago with a couple of golfers, moved to a park with about 30 golfers and family, then to the tournament driving range where his dad and a family friend cut and cooked all the fajitas for the players and families.  It has finally progressed to having the PGA fully fund and take on the event.  Other events have cropped up in other locations over the years, but Omar was the pioneer.  During this event I’ve seen a lot of changes and met a lot of the folks who make the tour work including caddies and of course the golfers. 



Four guys who have caddied for Omar on Tour...and Pete

You can tell a lot about folks when you meet them at a picnic.  You can tell who is genuinely friendly, who is desperately trying to remember you, and people who don’t care and think you are wasting their time.  These things are all exponentially obvious the more important they are or that society has convinced them of their position.  Like any other bell distribution, on tour there are all kinds of people including a lot of great folks.  There are also a lot of folks who have earned certain reputations.  A particular person I’d like to call out is Matt Kuchar.  He is a guy you love to love.  There are countless examples, but let’s just say he is the perfect example of the saying, “You can tell a lot about someone’s character by the way they treat people who can do absolutely nothing for them.”



Aggie Bronson Burgoon at the cookout

A funny aside to this story. There is one guy (a PGA Tour winner) who never remembers my buddy or me.  As you must know by now, we are both very boisterous and tell a lot of what we think are memorable stories, and we don’t dumb it down in front of celebrities.  As my wife puts it, we take up a lot of space in the room.  Hell we took that bluebonnet picture, how are we forgettable?  In any case, we have both taken this guy to his house when he needed a ride and have seen him many times over the years.  On cue we go up to him at the cookout and make small talk.  We ask about his home, etc.  He then launches into a story about his wife having a sidearm and checking the perimeter of their property.   Pete and I laugh for a long while knowing this is his way of saying, “I don’t like that you know where I live, but just in case, we have guns.”  I guess we won’t be popping over for coffee and cake anytime soon.  He’s not a bad guy, in fact he’s very nice.  Over the years he has given us clubs, training tools, balls, etc.  He’s been fun to play golf with and has always been nice to us.  But for the life of him, he can never remember who the hell we are.



Before you judge, there is a long story behind this

Matt reminds me that I have some work to do on my own patience and courtesy.  There are a lot of folks who have reached out to me over the last seven months (several years if I’m honest with myself) and I have not always made time for them.  I need to do a better job of acknowledging folks and showing appreciation.  It really doesn’t take that much effort to be nice does it?  I need to improve in this area and then be a better example to my family on how to demonstrate that skill.  Kuchar has it down and is well liked because of it.  Guess who already has that skill?  Connor.  That boy is as friendly as anyone you have ever met.  He doesn’t say bad things about anyone and doesn’t make fun of his peers.  Perhaps that is why he is universally loved on his baseball team while contributing very little to the generation of outs or runs.  Maybe I can to learn more from him than he does of me in this category.

My friend Omar is firmly planted in the character department.  During his tenure on the PGA tour he has never “big leagued” anyone and has always been courteous, made himself available, and generous.  Without getting too much into the “inside baseball” portion, the Tour does a lot of things for players and their families, and they are pretty cool things too.  Omar’s cookout was one of the first events that included caddies and tournament staff.  Omar is beloved in the caddy community and the golfer community alike.  And when he plays in Texas it seems like he spends more time trying to get tickets for everyone who comes out of the woodwork than actually practicing…which is a shame.  And he never makes anyone feel bad about it. As I focus on legacy building, what is better 10 tournament wins or being a person everyone likes and respects?  Another old saying is “money doesn’t buy class” and we have all seen countless examples of it.  Watching Omar grow up and spending a lot of time with his family, it is no surprise that he is a salt of the Earth kind of guy. I’m honored to have him as a lifelong friend.

And then on Thursday Prince dies.  Social media blew up and it seems everyone had their favorite story, memory, song, video, etc.  I have a few of my own, but won’t bore you with them, suffice to say that Prince was an amazing talent and gave the world something it needed. There is a youtube video about Kevin Smith (Clerks, Mallrats, Dogma) and his weeklong documentary experience with Prince.  As he goes through his story at the very end it turns out that Prince doesn’t thank him for his time.  Kevin makes the poignant point that perhaps this is why people turn on their heroes, a lack of gratitude. People love to idolize those who have amazing skills and abilities, but the moment they show a lack of character it can destroy the relationship with the fan.  It happens more than you think.  And you don’t have to be a celebrity to have someone respect you, and it doesn’t take much to destroy that by being a complete jerk to them.  I’ve been on both ends of that and truly regret those actions that, in retrospect, were completely avoidable.  No one tells their priest during the last rites that they wished they’d been a bigger asshole do they?  Luckily, I’ve been mending some fences and trying to be better, more gracious, and just nicer.



Josie and Nita were in a little luncheon fashion show on Thursday

Speaking of fences, this revelation of not being a jerk did not just come after my diagnosis.  My father wrote me a letter almost 40 years ago that contained the guidelines to be a good man, father, and person (I’ve written a similar letter to my son).  Those guidelines were clearly lost on a seven year old, but as I would find and reread the letter with each passing decade, more and more brilliance shined through.  In one section he tells a story about a boy who was filled with rage. His father told him to hammer a nail into the fence every time he lost control.  Within a year the fence was full of nails.  The kid eventually realized the futility of his rage and the fact that it didn’t change anything.  The father then said, “every time you keep your composure or conquer your initial instinct to be mean, nasty or hurt someone, go pull a nail out of the fence.”  Within a few years the boy was able to control himself and had pulled most of the nails out of the fence.  When he pulled the last nail he excitedly ran to fetch his father to show him his accomplishment. The father then explained that he was proud of his son for his new demeanor and his obvious change in how he reacted to things.  He then pointed out all the holes and scars in the fence.  He further explained that even though you can apologize and try to make things right, you cannot fully reverse the damage you cause to other people.  Every mean or nasty thing you do or say leaves a mark that no words or actions can ever completely undo.



Sunday is my 12th wedding anniversary, talk about someone who has had to be patient with me.  Thanks Nita!

As for me, two weeks with no poison feels pretty good.  I went for fluids this week and only felt mildly nauseous at times.  One Imodium per day was sufficient.  I am definitely noticing the off week during the maintenance medication phase.  As luck or blessings would have it, I didn’t catch Connor’s bug and felt full of energy.  Next week is infusion week again, but why look forward to that?  I’ve got a wonderful family to love on, a friend to go watch play golf, and a great support group who make me want to be a better person.  So if I don’t give you the time you deserve, please be patient…I’m trying.  TeamMarco@austin.rr.com