Getting by with a little help from my friends

Getting by with a little help from my friends

This weekend was filled with excitement.  First I finally had a working television on Friday night.  It wasn’t optimal since none of the others were connected (don’t get me started), but at least we had something.  Saturday morning, I took Connor to a golf clinic and we stayed until the storm hit.  We came home and Josie was devastated.  Our neighborhood allows two garage sales per year.  This was one of those days and Josie was really looking forward to setting up a lemonade stand.  I offered to put up a canopy tent and she jumped around the house screaming, “Yes dad yes!  You are the greatest dad in the world!”  She was all smiles as she sold lemonade and slices of my mother’s famous strawberry cake.  All this transpired while the Aggies took care of business. Coincidentally ESPN College Game Day ran a story about the Pitt running back James Conner who battled Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and was declared cancer free.  He even scored a pair of touchdowns.

Sunday I took Connor dove hunting at my buddy Mike’s place.  We saw one bird and shot one bird (thank goodness).  Connor was most excited about his very first shotgun.  It is a .410 single shot manual hammer.  He kept it open as instructed until it was time to shoot.  He did a pretty good job for a kid with the level of ADD he has.  He kept the bird in his vest pouch and picked up spent hulls. Since we weren’t blessed with flocks of birds flying over, at the end he was able to shoot a couple of empty shell boxes out of a tree branch.  He was all smiles on the way home.

Sunday afternoon both kids had playdates while I rested and took a nap (got a little worn out).  Later Sunday we had a swim and pizza party with some friends in the neighborhood.  I was given a compliment that I didn’t expect.  It was regarding turning the blog into a book.  The comment was that most people with my affliction are older and less inclined to talk freely about their disease, while I’m pouring it out there for the world to see.  He said it was the first time he’s ever really been able to see things fully through the eyes and heart of a cancer patient.  It made me more certain that I will pursue the book, stay tuned.  When we got home, I was completely wiped out for the weekend.  But as I told Nita, this was as good as I was going to feel at any point in the two-week routine, so why waste all this energy right?

Monday was chemo day.  It got a bit rougher as the day went on.  But I was able to get some work done knowing that this would be a short week.  A good friend turned 50 on Tuesday and we’re all going to Vegas on Thursday-Sunday.  The nurses did a great job with the tipped chemo port and hit the bullseye on the first stick.  They flipped the order of the Avastin and the Oxaliplatin. I’m not sure if there was a reason or not, but as of Tuesday afternoon I was still feeling mostly human.  Wednesday would start my slide.  The nausea was high and the diarrhea was frequent. Some guys were doing some work around the house and the paint fumes really impacted my nausea.  Thank goodness for the meds.

The pump was still uncomfortable and my mouth felt icky, and by Wednesday night, I was pleased to be free of my leash.  Note to self: bring a lot of Imodium to Vegas! Also, the hair started thinning again so it was time for another buzz cut.  The neuropathy is getting worse, but I’m taking more of the B12 to try to counteract it.  I almost dropped something pulling it out of the fridge.  It feels like you’re grabbing dry ice.  So far I’d been able to stand it long enough to grab it and put it on the counter.  This time I really did need gloves.  That kind of stinks.  I made myself a PB&J and had to use an oven mitt to hold the jelly jar.  So far it is only in my hands and fingertips, no feet yet.  Thank God for small miracles.

Monday Josephine had an issue at school with a couple of kids.  There is one little girl who isn’t adjusting as well and Josephine has a huge heart.  The counselor came to their class to suggest an exercise for kids to play with other kids who haven’t made friends yet.  Josie took this as a personal mission to play with all the kids that had no friends.  Well one little girl said something and Josie called her on it and the girl called Josie a liar.  Well in this family we take pride in our honesty and integrity. (My father used to tell me you can only sell your integrity once, after that it has no value).  Josie was mortified and in a very curt and direct voice told her, “I never lie! Martinez’ don’t lie!”  The girl was shocked at her certitude on the matter and actually got a couple of other kids to make fun of her for even making such and audacious statement.  After all, what five-year-old doesn’t lie, even a little?  Josephine, that’s who.

Josie came home and was upset about it and we had a long talk about the high road and giving second chances to those even when we don’t think deserve them.  It was a talk about forgiveness and modeling behavior.  Pretty heady stuff for a five-year-old really.  But she took it all in and said she’d try to give her another chance, but if she didn’t respond appropriately, she might not give her a third.  I told her that was fair.  But as mentioned before, there are lessons to be taught and learned everywhere aren’t there?  She’s going to be a good kid; I know it in my heart.  She already is.

Tuesday I emailed my nurse to find out the CEA score….12.8!  So if you are scoring at home, a heart palpitating score of 40 before the first treatment (of the new medication, more like the 20th treatment overall).  After the first treatment it dipped to 24.2, and most recently 12.8 after the second treatment.  Third treatment is going on now and we won’t get the new numbers for two weeks.  But I’m very excited about the trend and that is the important thing; how this is trending.  I should be getting another scan at MD Anderson in October and I won’t be foolish enough to have the same expectations that I did the last time my numbers went in either direction.  Instead I will be thankful for the way things are going. Every new day is a good day. I don’t need to score two touchdowns.

During this journey I have truly learned humility, solidified my faith, and accepted I cannot do everything by myself.  I never wanted to admit it, but I need help at times.  What I have also learned are that there are a lot of hands out there reaching to pull me out of my hole.  For them I am truly grateful.  The event we’re having is really coming along nicely.  Several more celebrities have given firm and soft commitments, the auction items coming in are amazing, and the food proposed by the caterer is going to be stellar.  My team is unbelievably talented, once we decided we were heavy on sports memorabilia and trips and light on “girl stuff” they went out and got a bunch of jewelry and art.  I certainly hope many of you can attend.  If for no other reason than for me to give you a hug and thank you for reading, praying, and sending positive vibes.  I have no doubt that all these things have helped my healing process both physically and emotionally.

I was talking to my buddy Omar on Wednesday and he told me a story about his brother’s friend.  While in college, he was shot in the back and paralyzed.  He told his mother in the hospital, “Thank God this happened to me, because none of my friends could deal with this.”  Now I don’t think for a second that my friends couldn’t deal with what I am going through, but I am certainly thankful they don’t have to.  One of us is enough.  By the way, that guy became a world class wheelchair tennis player and Paralympian. God gives us the challenges we can handle I suppose.

So short week and early blog this time.  It is probably not the smartest thing to go to Vegas on chemo week, but how can I miss Big Sexy’s 50^th birthday bash?  But I’ve also set my expectations.  I told the group that we fly in Thursday evening around 7p and I would more than likely go straight to bed while Nita no doubt would go play with the gang.  I would hopefully be fresh on Friday for two days of fun with a six AM flight back to Austin on Sunday.  That way we’d get almost a full Sunday with the kids before school.  Big thanks to our moms for staying with and taking care of the kids.

The following weekend Josie wants to go dove hunting.  Connor reluctantly is allowing her to “borrow” his new gun.  She’s got some camo, which she wore on Tuesday to school kicking off their learning “boot camp.”  It should be pretty fun, but the kids are so different.  Connor loves action.  He wants birds flying and dying.  Josie just loves being with her daddy.  So I’m sure we’ll just visit for a few hours, just the two of us having daddy daughter time probably with more hugs than shots fired, and that is really what it’s all about isn’t it? 

So over the last year I’ve grown up a lot.  My first big maturity bump was when I lost my father in 1996.  Now 20 years later, I had to face my own mortality for the next big jump.  I have new goals of living longer, seeing my kids grow up more, and being a better husband and friend to my wife.  I also want to be a better neighbor, friend, and citizen. I’m a work in progress, and I have some growing to do.  But I also know that I am not in charge of God’s plan.  In fact, I lost an old grade school friend this week.  RIP Joe. So in the meantime, I’ll just cherish every moment with those I love.  I will be the best me I can be, and maybe my words can help people find their way to find their best selves…those that want to anyway. 

So God bless y’all and may you find peace in whatever battles you are fighting.  I know a lot of you feel like you are strong enough to manage everything on your own and you probably are. But don’t be afraid to ask for a little help once in a while.  I’m sure you’ll find someone has been waiting for the invitation and it will be a growth opportunity for all of you.  So go be awesome and let someone else be awesome with you.  TeamMarco@austin.rr.com