When the going gets tough

When the going gets tough…

That was always one of my favorite scenes from the movie Animal House. Right after the fraternity of misfits was beaten up and bested by the cool kids, they decided it was time to get even.  Bluto (John Belushi) delivers his famous, “Did the Americans give up when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor” line.  Then the gang decides how they will rise above and go get even at the parade.

Josephine does not like hunting.  We went out for a dove hunt Saturday morning and there was not enough action for her.  She was bored, did not like the kick of the .410 when she shot it, and worse got a tick while she was exploring.  The tick I think was the last straw.  When she watched me kill it with a knife and cut the head off on the gun stock, it was pretty much time to go.  So we came home early and still had most of the day in front of us.  Connor seized on Josie’s aversion to hunting and begged if we could go again this weekend.  My buddy has graciously offered us a spot on his land, this time near a corn field.

This week was a chemo week.  I do not know for the life of me how I managed to fly to Las Vegas, have perhaps four too many beverages (that one was for the doctors reading – although one should never lie to one’s doctor…in person), and stay up late on the tail end of a chemo week.  It must have been a mad combination of divine interaction and adrenaline, maybe a dash of Gentleman Jack.  In any case, this week was no fun. I am starting to get the hang of FolFox though.  It starts off fairly light on Monday.  I get my five hours of infusion and leave with my trusty pump filled with 5FU. Oh quick side note: this week I did not get Avastin.  Apparently there were traces of protein in my urine so they backed off of it.  And if you remember last week’s episode, it has a tendency to also cause hypertension (high blood pressure).  So there is that.  But thanks to the new medication, Wednesday's reading that was about as low as it had been in the last 20 years. Shockingly lower (in a good way). Echocardiogram is scheduled for next week. I can finally take care of that chemo toe today, and since no Avastin it means I won’t bleed out…so that’s nice.

So back to Monday.  I start off feeling bad but not terrible.  The only big effects are acid reflux and cold sensitivity (Prilosec and B complex). Tuesday is tricky because you can start to feel the effects increase in severity but they aren’t as bad as the FulFiri was earlier in the week.  However, the acid reflux, nausea, and neuropathy are way worse.  The former two can be controlled with meds, the cold sensitivity is tough to describe.  Initially when I was told about it, I really thought it couldn’t be as bad as they describe.  But I can tell you it is.  You literally need gloves to touch anything in the refrigerator and if you need something from the freezer?  Forget it. In fact, Monday when I came out of chemo camp it had cooled down a bit and the chill in the air made my fingers sting.  I can’t wait until winter kicks in and/or there is a mist or cold rain.  That should be fun.

The worst part is I really love this season.  I REALLY love fall and winter.  I like making fires, turning on the fire pit for s’mores.  I like taking the kids to hockey games, and just playing catch outside when it is crisp. But I like being alive a little more, so I guess you take the good with the bad.  So by Tuesday evening the effects are seriously taking hold.  Wednesday is exciting because at least by midday you’re able to get the pump removed and you can look forward to untethered sleep.  But for some reason when that last flush of saline pushes in that last bit of 5FU, it amplifies the nasty feeling in your mouth and esophagus. But at least you are free of your leash (pump) and have full mobility.

This is the different part too, Thursday’s are bad.  Way worse than the FulFiri before.  Now I don’t know if it is because of the cumulative effect, the toxicity of the FolFox, or I’m just a wimp…but Thursdays feel worse than Mondays.  Usually by 6pm it starts to subside into tolerable.  Cold sensitivity is still very heightened and I won’t be able to put ice in a drink until the weekend (2 cubes). But one can live with that.  Another funny thing is when you go to restaurants and ask for “water with no ice,” here in Texas, there is a 50-50 chance your waiter will bring you a chilled glass with cold water.  They of course are doing it to be nice, but I think I’ve sent back more water than steaks now.  Although now, unless it’s a frosted glass, I usually just wait it out and wrap a napkin around the glass.

The CEA score came back and there was a nice little dip again.  7.9!  Single digits.  I’ll be going to MD Anderson at the end of October for bloodwork and scans to check the status and see how the tumors are responding, but the scores are certainly trending in the right direction.  So much so that our little win two weeks ago is starting to manifest into trip planning.  A very nice couple who follow along and are part of my Aggie network offered vacation miles toward a property in Hawaii.  It looks pretty amazing, but nine months with my condition is a LONG long time, but it’ll be fun to plan for it anyway.  And it’s one more goal to set.

I had lunch with a buddy on Thursday and we talked a lot about goals, expectations, and ambitions.  We spoke about careers, leadership, books, etc. It was a great talk.  One of the things that came out of it was the need to feel useful.  That obviously manifests in many ways.  In fact, it can swing farther out than you might expect.  For example, what happens when you actually hit your goals? Say you set this monster target in front of you and Bam! You nail it!  Now what?  Some of us are always looking for the next challenge.  Some of us actually need that challenge. 

I think the golf tournament pulled me out of my doldrums and then a steady flow of victories in Vegas, at home, with my kids, etc. has kept the momentum rolling.  With Josephine parlaying our Vegas jackpot into a future trip, I can’t help but believe it is another nudge or log on the fire (depending on how long you’ve been reading).  Either way, it is a long term challenge for me to mentally overcome the physical beat down of the cancer and my drug side effects.  I have another purpose and a dot on my timeline.  It reads: Hawaii, Summer 2017.  I will get there!

All in all, I’m feeling pretty good about things.  The numbers are doing what they are supposed to be doing, I’m still able to tolerate the chemo and gut through the side effects, and I get to spend time with my beautiful family.  I have a lot for which to be thankful and I’m learning new things about myself all the time.  I had no idea how stubborn I was (I suppose many of you already knew it), but did it really take all of this to get through to me?  Perhaps.  In any case, I’m glad it did and that I’m able to continue to fight through it and stay on my path.  I’m also glad so many are able to learn from my mistakes.  I will continue to cherish each day, tell those whom I love that I love them, and try to be the best dad/husband/friend/son I can be.  Nobody is perfect and it has taken a lot out of me; but did the Americans give up when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? TeamMarco@austin.rr.com

 

One of the raffles will include this diamond

If you are going to play in the golf tournament or attend the dinner, please register, spots are filling up fast.  www.martinezfamilycancerfoundation.org