Home for the Holidays

Home for the holidays

And then some.  I am taking the plunge and just after the New Year, I will be out of the workforce.  I will be focusing on staying alive (not in a John Travolta sort of way), selling a book, and speaking engagements.  The first will probably occupy a bit of my time. 

Christmas was on Sunday and we did our traditional rotation.  Christmas Eve dinner at Nita’s mom’s house, Christmas morning at our house, and Christmas dinner at my mother’s house.  Everything was pretty normal which is what the goal was.  The kids got some fun toys and so did the adults. 

We also went to a lot of parties this week.  It seems like almost everyone either hosted a play date, had a cooking class, impromptu party, and the like.  Our team even had a quick basketball practice on Thursday afternoon. The best part, there were kids everywhere.  I don’t know why I love being around my kids when they are playing so much.  Previously I think I used to want some peace and quiet, now I relish the laughter, running around, and giggles of the kids just doing their things.  I am also noticing that they are showing off their new skills and talents more frequently. This is more than likely due to the fact that I’m paying more attention.  I like it and they are such good kids, it makes me happy.

One funny event was at a play date some kids were teasing Josie.  She came home and was pretty upset about it.  After she had gone in the “settle down chair” with mommy, she came to me and she was still crying.  I held her tight and imparted my wisdom of being in charge of your emotions, not giving anyone the power to hurt you, and to be strong in the face of adversity.  She patiently waited for me to finish and then looked me square in the eye and said, “Dad, I’m six.”  I kissed her and we laughed for two solid minutes.  Sometimes, I get ahead of myself.  I know my clock is ticking at a faster rate than their clocks are, and I just try to rush things.  But who knows, maybe someday she’ll hear it in the back of her head and it’ll make a difference.

Connor gets his drone

For Christmas Connor got a drone which he owned for exactly eight hours.  It was windy, he wanted one more flight at dusk, and the rest (along with the drone) is history.  I blamed myself more than him.  The reason is because I succumbed to his constant chirping of “one more flight dad, just one more…” and I am the adult.  Kids are going to want one more treat and keep playing right?  Therefore, it was my job to say, “No, it’s too windy and getting dark, let’s fly again tomorrow.”  Instead we got it airborne, Connor took the controls, and the wind took the drone.  We looked everywhere it could have landed we thought. That evening we spent another hour looking; and a good portion of the next morning checking the fence lines, ditches, and knocking on neighbor’s doors.  No luck.  But a good lesson I suppose.  Thanks to all those who recommended putting your phone number, label, or a GPS chip on the drone…after we lost it.

When I got home I used Zillow to get the addresses of the neighbors in whose yard the drone may have flown.  Nita suggested that I go and knock on the door that night…on Christmas.  I politely declined and gave her my theory that only three groups come to your house on Christmas evening.  Friends and Family, Law enforcement, and someone serving papers.  So we waited until the next morning and I made sure to bring my kids still in their jammies; no threat whatsoever.   There may be an ironic addendum.  We checked three houses where we thought it could have gone but I ruled one of them out.  Josie asked the barking dog if he’d seen a drone.  According to Miss Josephine, the dog said yes.  I took neither one’s word.  Then after the new drone arrived from Amazon, Nita got a note from next door with a picture of our drone.  “Is this your drone?  My neighbor found it in her yard.”  If it is the same house I’m going to feel like an idiot and Josie will have some major bragging rights.

We skipped a week of chemo for the holidays due to my allergic reaction to the Oxaliplatin.  I’m so glad we did because I really needed that break.  My body is still showing signs of neuropathy. My hands and feet continue to tingle and are showing a little nerve damage.  The cold sensitivity is not as bad as a couple of weeks ago, which is nice.  The stomach acid is high, thankfully I am able to counter them with anti-nausea and Prilosec.  The CEA score for the week was 6.1.  As we would expect it is trending up, but not doubling every two weeks which is a good thing.  I believe next week will be a maintenance chemo (Avastin and 5FU pump).  It still sucks, but will hopefully keep the tumor growth to a minimum rather than big jumps.

We watched a lot of football, is it really so easy for these new generations to give up?  I think I’d like to target athletes and cancer patients/support groups for speaking engagements.  I have the most in common with them, so it makes sense to me that I can speak on their level and gain rapport fairly quickly.  I suppose my goals are to start with some high schools then maybe a few local universities.  I’d like to help coaches bridge the gap of fighting for your life and not giving up on your family and the significance of giving your best effort on every play.  I’ll work out the details, but it should play.

Two friends sent me notes this week asking if I would help them with an issue.  Turns out both have friends who have been newly diagnosed with cancer and are struggling with the uncertainties (like any of us would). They asked if I would make time for them and give them some advice.  Of course I did, and believe it or not I enjoyed it.  I really feel like I can make a difference for some folks in pain right now.  In a good way, of course. Anyone can make things worse right?

So what now?  Well here is the thing, I’m going to MD Anderson in about a month to get scanned, tested, and to see if there are any trials available.  Or they may opt to put me on a different maintenance medication to allow my body to purge the last of the Oxaliplatin.  Since I had the reaction, it might mean I need a longer break (which I’m totally cool with – that stuff was nasty).  But what about the CEA score?  Well, no need to panic yet.  It only went up a point and remember a few blogs back, my oncologist said that anything under 100 is still considered “treatable.” 

Let’s also not forget, all these drug regimens are designed for a “quality extension of life” there is no cure as of yet.  So we can still pray that they will find one, or the trial they put me in will be the silver bullet – wait magic bullet right?  If it were silver it would kill me, not that I’m a lycanthrope (I don’t think), but I digress.  Okay, back to the magic bullet, you never know, it could be the cure just sitting on the shelf waiting for approval to mass produce.  So we can never completely rule that out.   Finally, divine intervention.  The power of the Lord is great and there have been much larger miracles documented.  So why not?

Nita bought me a prayer candle for Christmas

The key is to stay focused, positive, and enjoy each day we get.  Dwelling on what we don’t have (a cure), or why this happened doesn’t make your day or life better, does it?  Nope, enjoying the laughter of your wife and children and living your life is what makes life worth living isn’t it?  Think about it.  What is the purpose of all those years on the planet? It can’t be just waiting for your turn to die right?  There must be more, finding your purpose, love, at least your favorite food right?

I’m not saying to just be a bum and wonder the earth searching for adventure, but let’s say equal part grasshopper and equal part ants.  There is a balance to find, but be sure you can find it.  It is a very special place to be when you find happiness in the simple things.  Like the hokey old saying, who is the richer man, the man who has everything or the man who needs nothing?  And remember, ultimately you are responsible for your own happiness. Happy New Year everyone.  I hope you enjoy your last few days off, your next 100 days, your lives, and your family.  TeamMarco@austin.rr.com

 

PS: if you haven't received your thank you note, they are still in progress, don't give up on me.