Three Wishes

Three wishes

If you were given three wishes what would you wish for?  Everyone who has ever seen a movie with a magic lamp or read 1001 Arabian Nights knows this game.  Invariably it is usually money, love, and often more wishes.  Kids are the best to play this game because their wants and needs are so simple and short term.  They usually want some awesome toy or game, a playdate with their best friend, and maybe a vacation to a theme park.  But the wishes are based on what you deem is important at that moment in time, aren’t they?  If you played this game monthly, or yearly at say Easter or Christmas, they would change a bit each time I would guess.

Several of the Rocks (by no means all)

I have had a rare opportunity over the past few months; well technically for the last year and a quarter.  I have been given the gift of sight, life, and love.  I had them before, but I wasn’t using them correctly.  I think I do now, or at least am getting better at it.  It sure does make things clearer, and petty things certainly seem smaller than they once did.  It is amazing once you strip away prejudices, perceptions, and assumption and just try to engage in the moment.  There is beauty all around you.  If you remember the blog a few months back with my therapist and the holistic healer, they thought colon disease was more apparent in those who were judgmental.

Saturday night, Nita’s side of the family threw a big dinner downtown to celebrate a 40^th wedding anniversary.  It was so cute as they renewed their vows in front of their successful adult children.  Then as Italians are wan to do, we all ate, drank some wine, and talked loudly.  There was story after story and it was all very fun. They are a wonderful group of human beings and I’m fortunate to have married into their family.  I am able to see many of them each time I go to Houston for my MD Anderson checkups, and they are always so supportive and accommodating. Unfortunately, our event was slated for the next day and with last week being a chemo week, I was quickly running out of gas, so we left a bit early.  But it is amazing how much you can get done on adrenaline.

If there is such a thing as a moment of silence on a blog, let there be one for John Glenn.  We lost a true hero this week.  Godspeed Mr. Glenn.

So by now you’ve all been beaten to death with the buildup of the event we had.  Dinner/Auction and a golf tournament.  The only thing we couldn’t control was the weather and it was fantastically miserable.  By that I mean it was cold wet and even my mother was in a car accident.  Yes she hit a parked car while taking my children home. In her defense, it was a curve that has claimed many cars and she was pretty emotional after our little shindig.  But who remembers an event when the weather is 75, clear, and nothing happens?

The worst part was finding out that my daughter hit her head on the seatback in front of her.  Now the airbags didn’t deploy, so the velocity was not a big deal.  But as a former EMT there I was giving my daughter concussion protocol at breakfast the next morning (they didn’t tell me until after she had gone to bed). Fortunately everyone is fine and my mother said Josephine was even trying to calm Connor down. Mom overheard Josie saying, “Connor, it’s okay.  No one is hurt and the car can be fixed, we’re all going to be okay.”  Quite a girl I have there.

The golf tournament had slightly worse weather than the dinner.  But of the 144 signed up, about 125 stuck it out through rain delays and cold.  I think the bar ran out of bloody mary mix.  People came from near and far to participate in one or both events.  It was truly humbling. The pros that showed up were nothing short of amazing.  They had constant smiles on their faces and proved that they are even better people than they are golfers…and that is saying A LOT!  Thank you Troy, Tim, Omar, Nick, Rusty, Micah, Lawlie, and Shaggs.

Comments that resonated with me were: “everyone will remember the first annual golf tournament if for just the weather.”  Another guy said, “Playing golf on a Monday in the rain…gotta be easier than chemo right?” He is right.  Finally, a neighbor said, “This is the best Monday I’ve ever had.” It was a hit and everyone had a really good time.  Thanks also to Balcones Country Club and staff.  I have a feeling they would have called the tournament for anyone else, much love JJ and Donny!

More Rocks for the Golf tournament

There are so many people to thank that I cannot possibly do it justice.  But I will leave you with this link to the sponsors and donors (click the word link – and they are still being updated, if your business or spouse isn’t listed currently, we’re still working on the list).  The link is important because I would ask that if you are looking for a product or service anyway, why not support a business who helped us?  They made amazing contributions of time, money, services, and products without any expectation of anything back.  So let’s see if we can blow them away by supporting all of their companies as well.  If you are going to buy it anyway, why not from a guy or gal you know has a big heart and is a good person?

In fact, I have already heard that the vasectomy donor and Big Green Egg donors are already getting some Christmas business based on their donation and sponsorship.  And, of course, I will be sending out thank you cards.  Please understand there were a ton of folks who helped, so if you haven’t gotten your card by March, be patient, we’re probably still writing them.  And a special thank you to all the attendees who braved the weather, traffic, and parking to participate.  God bless you.

How did I hold up?  Glad you asked.  Chemotherapy does funny things to your appetite.  So I didn’t eat much over the event days, but you don’t actually get hunger pangs the way you used to.  You just eat a little when everyone else is.  There isn’t really a physical discomfort around an empty stomach, and just a few snacks makes it subside anyway.  As for the neuropathy, wow.  Monday, as we were waiting for the rain to let up, I was talking to a couple of the celebrities and friends and the cold just clamped down on my fingers.  I had some winter golf gloves and mittens, but those were barely enough.  I called Nita to bring my ski gloves and used those for the rest of the day.  I kept my head and face covered mostly.  What really stinks is I loved cold weather.  I was the idiot in shorts and a heavy jacket.  I loved the sting of cold sleet hitting my face.  Well those days are over for now (on this medication).

What has this entire ordeal taught me?  Several things.  First, my family is so loved that it cannot be articulated or measured.  I simply don’t have the words to describe it.  Maybe some poet or songwriter has done it or tried it, but I’ve not found it yet.  Second, nothing brings a community together like a good cause.  Now it might sound weird coming from me since we were the cause, and I hope it doesn’t sound like narcissism.  But hear me out.  My greatest joys of these past few weeks have been watching our neighborhood committee cry, laugh, pray, scramble, and show off all their creative talents for a singular purpose of getting this event to go live and in amazing fashion. During these times our little group of friends and neighbors have gotten so close that it inspired events like “Friendsgiving, fishing evenings on 15, Thursday’s for dinner” and I’m sure more parties and events are on the way.  I don’t know for sure if my cause was the catalyst, but it certainly did smash 15 families together for five months and it warms my heart. The Rocks (as I called them) were absolutely the best team with whom I’ve ever worked in any part of my life, and that is saying something.

Another tier were the groups who were loosely associated with the committee staff.  Those folks worked together, in some cases for the first time.  So many new relationships were made and child friendships spawned from those meetings.  Finally, my communities from different chapters in my life all came crashing together in one big festive environment.  As a common denominator they usually talked about how they met and knew me or Nita and the kids.  Invariably some other common denominator was found and they had another tie together.  They had a reason to keep visiting and catching up instead of the small talk of, “So how do you know Marco?” Or, “How about that Peyton Manning football?” And it was great for business networking.

My mother was moved to tears seeing how much love there was in the room for her only child and his family.  How about that for a gift?  I will presumably never have that opportunity, but I trust it will happen.  This next part is going to sound awkward.  I am not a fatalist, and I am not giving up, giving in, or wishing for the worst.  In fact, I hope I wear out my welcome to the point where y’all are asking, “Why doesn’t he die already…enough with the suspense.”  But seriously, who actually gets to attend their own wake?  Let me tell you, if this was a stop on the farewell tour, what an awesome party!  And it was awesome. 

A lot of folks say, “But he looks so healthy?”  Please remember two things.  The statistics don’t lie, they are a measure across a wide spectrum and they are what they are.  I still have a 15% chance to make it to year five, and a 40% chance to hit August.  The unanswered question is how long was the cancer inside me untreated?  And we’ve already burned through 1.4 years of which we are aware.  Second, colon cancer patients look good, (dramatic pause) until they don’t.  And when they don’t, it’s over. Hospice time. Just because I choose not to look miserable, doesn’t mean I’m not feeling the pain, stress, side effects, and poison pretty regularly.  Game face.

Those are the facts.  I’m still praying for a miracle, but I honestly feel like I’ve already witnessed it.  I was given the biggest, warmest embrace you can imagine.  Have you ever been to a funeral and wished you’d been able to hug that person one more time?  Or told them you loved them?  Guess what?  I did it.  I did it to about 400 people this weekend.  We hugged, laughed, kissed, and said “thank you” and “I love you.”  A lot. No regrets.  Live like you are dying.

That is perhaps the most incredible gift.  To have the ability to be at peace with all my friends, neighbors, family, old ball players from all parts of my life.  We’re good.  All of us.  No one has to wish they’d said they loved the other “one last time.” We took care of it and it was brilliant.  I encourage you to keep this in the back of your mind when you are with those you love the most.  I get to watch the clock and know something is coming.  But we truly never know, one could get hit by a bus, or any other freak accident.  Never pass up the opportunity to hug, kiss, and express your love. 

Connor and Josephine helping pull the raffle winners

Another amazing thing was the raffle.  The purpose was to fund my daughter’s wedding, and my son’s honeymoon. So now someday (when my daughter is in her thirties) she can go to Nita and say, “Mom, I found the love of my life, what are we going to do?”  Nita can say, “Sweetheart, your father took care of this when you were six years old.  Plan your dream wedding, it is totally taken care of.”  We called our financial advisor and he’s setting up their funds as we speak.  Thanks to all those who bought tickets, and congratulations to the winners: George Funk, Jeannette Britt, Dan Rasmussen, Ed Sullivan, Otis Raring, Whitney Morelock, and two more people.

Nita's cousin Jeanette won the Diamond

A woman came up to me during the event while I was talking to an Aggie Yell guy whom I had never before met in person.  She didn’t want to interrupt but I saw her waiting patiently for the conversation to end. Knowing it might be a bit, I called her over and asked what I could do for her.  She explained that she didn’t know me, but knew of me in the neighborhood.  Her children had learned of my plight and had cracked their piggy banks and wanted to donate the money to us.  She said, “It isn’t much, just a couple of bills and some change, but they wanted to give it.”  I asked if I could hug and thank the girls and we did.  I accepted their gift which was given in a very handsome and culturally meaningful bag.  The other Aggie and I looked at each other afterwards filled with awe.  The gesture was beyond touching.  It reinforced the purpose, that all of these folks in the room were together to be part of something.  And I feel a responsibility to keep the momentum of love, generosity, and enjoying the moment as my new mission.

A woman who is editing my book told me she watched her husband and kids interact on the plane over Thanksgiving.  She just watched them for 10 minutes, with pure joy in her heart.  She said, had it not been for the book/blog, she would have dismissed the moment and it would have been lost forever.  My best friend and emcee Pete was supposed to come by Thursday to pick up the items he “won” in the silent auction.  But he said, “I’ve had my daughter all day. We had breakfast, went to the mall, baked a cake,” and two more things I forgot.  I said, “So in other words, you had a way better day than you thought you would.”

Those are just two examples of the countless times I was told that my writing and story inspired people be better parents, spouses, and coaches.  People have reached out to forgive old grudges and let bygones be bygones.  That folks have found ways to be more generous to their friends and neighbors.  Finally, that people have learned to accept those gifts understanding that oftentimes it is just as important to the giver as it is the recipient.  So there we are.  The meaning of life. Be nice to each other.  Love your parents and kids.  Pay attention to stuff.  Kiss your spouse often.  Give lots of hugs.  Thanks so much for being part of my amazing life.  I hope I’m around for a few more solar revolutions, but just in case…I love you.  I don’t need any more wishes.  TeamMarco@austin.rr.com