Peaceful Transition of Power

Peaceful Transition of Power

What a wacky beginning of the year this has been.  I am officially retired and learned that I have been conveniently blaming work for not doing a bunch of chores.  I no longer have that excuse and there is a LOT to do.

Connor was a ring bearer for a Marine and his wife, he sent him this set of BDUs.

An old work colleague of mine called me up on Monday and asked, “hey, want to go to the Cowboys v. Packers game this Sunday?  I have an extra ticket.”  Well duh!  So Nita asks me to show her my itinerary and I do.  I would be flying in Sunday morning, hopping an Uber to the hotel the boys were staying in, then we’d all go to the game and I’d swing by the hotel to grab my bag and fly back home to Austin around 10PM.  Easy Peasy.

Nita then came to me and said, “I thought the game was THIS Sunday? Your tickets are for the 22^nd.”  Ruh Roh!  I immediately called American and got everything resolved.  Except now I’m staying Sunday night and flying home Monday morning.  Still pretty easy.  It’s nice being retired

It means I’ll have to push my chemo out one more day.  But that isn’t a big deal, what is one more day?  Speaking of remedies there is quite a bit of news surrounding this.  I’ve decided to try a few of the holistic approaches to see what happens.  Currently that includes, alkaline water, more green veggies, a quantum touch (remote) thing, oil, and a morning drink with turmeric.  But Marco, how will you know what works, if it works?  Who cares?  I’m not trying to cure everyone, selfishly this one is just for me so I don’t need a control for my data.  Plus we’re not sure how long the subject has.

Tuesday, I took my mom out to lunch and a movie.  It was nice, just the two of us and she really appreciated the time together.  Most often she’s helping us babysit or playing with the grand kids, so it was nice to just give her some just her and me time and answer any questions she had and maybe even wished she wouldn’t have asked.

I had two book events happen to me in the past week.  First, a good friend’s mother who has been an author and editor for over 50 years reviewed and edited my book.  In spite of her not liking sports or being religious, she was a fan.  That tells me the book might have a wider reach than I had previously thought. Additionally, she gave me some great feedback and as soon as I finish those edits, I’m going to double the book efforts.  Also, a cancer website has agreed to publish one of my blogs and list me as a guest author.  That is pretty neat and should help with some credibility.  Finally, over 4000 people read last week’s blog, the largest audience to date. 

This week, I also went to visit my head shrinker.  So I am going to lay some knowledge on you fine people.  My friend Pete has one of the great lines of all time, “Don’t hate me for the same reasons you love me.”  My therapist is not a bean bag and hug guy.  He can be, but isn’t with me.  With me he’s very matter of fact and down to business (but in a much sweeter way than I’m describing for the sake of brevity). He’s a good dude.  Anyway! I thought this session was going to be about coming to grips with my ultimate demise and should the kids be in the room or not.  Was I in for a shock?!

The theme, as you may have guessed, was the peaceful transition of power.  By that I mean, when the time comes, Nita will be 100% alone and in charge of the house.  All her decisions will be final and correct.  Currently, that is not the family dynamic.  We both share in decision making but sometimes we chirp at each other for being late, not following through, not picking up one’s shoes in the man cave (hypothetically), and other such things.  When I’m gone, there will be no more balance of power, it will be a complete dictatorship.  And I need to help that happen while I’m still here.

In other words, I need to slowly but steadily write myself out of the family script.  As painful as that was to write, it was even more painful to hear the first time.  I suppose it is obvious when you really think about it, but my retirement was intended to help me to be present and fulfil dreams, maybe cram in some big life lessons along the way.  But how does my family need me the most?  Honestly, the best gift I can give them is to help show and demonstrate Nita’s leadership and charge of the house.  Then have the children solidify their roles in the house and find confidence and leadership within themselves.  Finally to help them search for independence and see that as a positive.  Yes, I need to eliminate the sense of “We need him around to function.” 

As easy as it is to say, it won’t be easy to do.  Most of you who know me well, know I have both a big personality and a big ego.  As Nita puts it, “You take up a lot of space in the room.”  So I’ll have to learn to dial that down without stopping being who I am.  How the **** do I do that?

So I’m now inspired to add a chapter to the book called, “How to gracefully and efficiently remove yourself from the house before being removed from the planet.”  I don’t exactly know how it will go, but it will most likely start like you were taking the family to Europe for the summer and were leaving someone directions on how to manage the day to day functions of the house.  It might include:  house services (lights, lawn, cleaning), where we keep everything (not just finances), how all the remotes work and what websites to use for reprogramming, and put down schedules for car maintenance, tires, oil, etc.

Side effects this week brought nausea, joint pain, sore muscles, nose bleeds (allergy?), and some organ tightening in the abdomen (although that could be the metaphysical thing or the chores). I handled them as well as I could I suppose. 

So next week is chemo light, 5FU and Avastin.  The following week we are off to MD Anderson for testing.  Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Mixon for donating a hotel room for us.  Then on Feb 1, we go back for clinical trials interviews.  Hopefully we’ll find a study that offers time, relief, and quality of life – time with my family.

One thing my therapist and I really doubled down on was that for all intents and purposes the remission ship has sailed.  Now we’re just looking for quality of life extension.  Could there be a miracle with my trial, oil, alkaline water, quantum touch, and turmeric drink?  Absolutely.  Who knows?!  But am I pre-paying for Christmas concerts?  Not a chance.

Connor is really enjoying his basketball experience this year.  I have enjoyed him so much during this time.  It’s funny when I sit and really pay attention how much alike and how different we are.  Same with Josie.  With Connor, he loves to play, run around, and be part of the team.  He doesn’t need to be the best player or score the most (or at all).  But you can see the joy he is having by looking into his face.  Josephine must win.  She will find a way to beat you and she will win.  No idea where she gets that.

Thanks to many of you, these checks were sent to the new wedding and honeymoon funds for the kids

So here we are, not quite a fork in the road, but maybe it’s a little bumpy and less traveled. I have some new goals and challenges and I hope to handle them with as much dignity and grace as possible. I can only hope that the kids will find all of this valuable and helpful.  I hear the first five years are the hardest and I’m going to lean on several of you for different things.  I’ll reach out to you individually, and it’ll make sense when you hear the requests.   It is so funny how I spent so much time getting the financial and lesson legacy work done for my demise…but did not prepare them for the journey afterwards.  What happens after the first month? Third month? First year? 

Here is where I am supposed to come up with something witty or inspiring.  Honestly, I’m still a little shocked that I missed such a huge part of what I was trying to provide for my family.  So thank goodness there was still time.  Insert Jimmy Stewart voice again – “There’s still time!”  But during that time, I need to create a roadmap for the family and a five year plan for independence.

I’ll leave everyone with this.  As I went to pick up the kids from school Thursday a friend came over to me and said that he was taking his kids to Disney World this February.  He said that it was because of me and my blog that made him decide to do it now, “What the hell am I waiting for?”  So he’s going to do it.  I love these stories.  I also heard from a lot of my FB friends and Aggie Yell brothers how much they have changed the way they interact with their families because of the blog.  Well folks, as I fade away (someday), you’re lives will certainly be filled with other events, happenings, and things to do/read.  But please remember the lessons of being present, loving your family ferociously, and not depending on tomorrow. God bless, see you next week.  TeamMarco@austin.rr.com