The Road to Hana is Paved with Good Intentions

The Road to Hana is paved with good intentions

As many of you know, my friend Ry, invited me to the Dallas game last Sunday.  It was an amazing event and my first trip to Jerrah world.   You can’t quite digest the enormity of the stadium until you show up at the wrong entrance and have to walk all the way around the outside of it to the other gate.  It was a crazy environment and a very exciting game.  Unfortunately, it ended with a heartbreaking loss in the last seconds. We also had to walk about a mile in a tornado alert while the rain came in sideways.  We hunkered down at a restaurant and waited it out.  We were back to the hotel at 10PM and I was a good boy prepping for my flight home the next morning.  Luckily and thanks to Omar, I had learned an old caddy trick.  If you put clean dry newspaper in your soaking wet shoes, they will be dry and not stinky in the morning.  Check.

When I got home I was still recovering from the game and walk.  I was able to take a quick nap on the couch when all of a sudden Nita came up to me and said, “Hey check the front door, there is a package.”  Well this turned into the infamous scavenger hunt that led to the big reveal (see video).  Apparently, my friends had gotten together and put together a trip to Hawaii to fulfill the dream of a little girl and her family.  The only downside (if you could call it that) was that I was unable to plan like normal, I usually take three days making a checklist.  So I forgot a few meds, but we made it through. I later found out they had been planning for two weeks and even got my oncology team into it.  Amazing how many people were able to keep the secret and make this dream of Josephine’s possible.  It was nothing short of miraculous and for the first time I was actually speechless. Trust me, that doesn’t happen very often.

The trip out, all in all, lasted about 15 hours, including the ride to airport, layover, and drive time.  The kids did wonderfully.  The flight out was an RJ (regional jet) so there was not a lot of room to move.  The 737 from LAX to OGG was better, it was under booked so we had several rows where we could just stretch out across three seats.  Nita and Connor took full advantage and took naps.  Josie stayed up the entire time.  On the plane, we opened the folder our friends made for us.  I was in tears with all the wonderful well wishes and the gifts and gift cards that were included in our surprise.  Between the generosity of our friends and Without Regrets, our vacation would be virtually no cost.  In fact, we used cash and gift cards for everything except our hotel charges.  There were even Starbucks cards for breakfast items and the airports.  

When we arrived in our room, my ankles were so swollen I actually had to buy compression socks.  I loaded up on water and did my best to try get the swelling down.  That combined with the forgotten meds, oy vey.  But I’ve slayed larger dragons.  In the previous million or so miles I’ve flown, I didn’t’ remember that ever being an issue.  But in the grand scheme of things, no big whoop.  Oh well, the sexy life of long haul air travel.  I’ll give some brief synopses of our events, and there were many. 

When we arrived in Hawaii, we still had about an hour drive to the resort, but what a gorgeous drive it was.  Connor spotted his first whale spouting on the drive.  We arrived just after noon Maui time, and luckily our suite was ready.  Our goal was swim, have dinner, swim, stay up as late as possible, and acclimate to the new time zone.  Well our exhaustion helped, we didn’t wake up until 6:30AM HI time the next morning.

First full day, get up, go to beach.  It turns out the giving tree didn’t stop with airfare, lodging, and car rental.  It also included gift baskets of fruit, some refill cups, and five days of cabana rental on the beach.  The cabanas came with pool/beach toys, boogie boards, sunning mats, fresh fruit and water every day.  It was awesome and thank you to whomever arranged that for us (Mixon? AM and G? E3?) Anyway, while the wife and kids headed off to the beach I drove to the store to pick up forgotten items and some kitchen supplies.  I intended to cook steaks for us one night and I had forgotten to pack swim trunks and a rash guard.  By the way, in addition to Hawaii having prices 3x what you would pay on the mainland…their sizing is just south of bullying.  I wear a large and a half, usually XL shirt.  I tried on the rash guards in Lahaina and in addition to almost separating my shoulder, apparently I’m a 2XX or 3XXXL?  WTF?  So is that supposed to make me feel like I’m getting a bargain that I’m only paying $20 per X on the shirt?  But I’m not one to complain.

Another gift was a certificate to go whale watching, this was possibly the most amazing thing I’ve ever done.  I’ve seen whales before, but never this close.   Josie and Connor continued to amaze us as well as the marine biologist on board by answering all the questions correctly and stealing the show.  Josie (remember she is six) blows everyone away by her definition of the scientific method and correctly defining hypothesis (a smart guess).  It made us feel far better that the kids missed a week of school knowing that they are sharp as tacks on reading comprehension.  So, we spot some splashes and head over.  All of a sudden three bulls and a cow come within 30 yards of the boat.  They are beating the crap out of each other (the bulls) and are bloody.  One has a bloody blowhole and is yelling at the others.  It was amazing (in the slideshow).

Then poor Josie gets sick, it was either dehydration/overheating or motion sickness.  For the last hour, I hung out in the back of the boat tending to my sweet Josephine.  But to her credit she was a trooper and gutted through it.  I had to pull some old EMT tricks (ice on the wrists) to ease her discomfort, her temperature came down and we all had ice cream after we got off the boat. BTW, if anyone is going to Maui, let me know.  We have a “frequent customer” card half filled out for the ice cream shop.

As soon as we get back to the hotel (because it’s still only 2pm) we go back to the beach.  For dinner we’re thinking sushi and believe it or not the locals all said they eat at Kobe for sushi.  Josie was never a fan before, and remember just a few hours earlier she almost blew chunks over the side of the boat, but Josie gets brave and eats a roll and some tuna sashimi. Connor devours a spicy roll, tuna sashimi, some soft shell crab, and unagi (eel).

Second day, after another fresh fruit breakfast (first day back in Austin I was actually wondering where my pineapple and mango were), I head back to the store, the kids and mom head to the beach, and we have a full beach relax day.  Connor and Josie explore coral, sea urchins, crabs, parrot fish and star fish. After a full day at the pool and beach we head over to another excursion.  Without Regrets sponsored a sunset photo session.  Nita leaked one of them and it’s on the slide show.  Our photographer said they would be ready in a couple of weeks.  But tonight, I would grill. 

The resort has six grills that are first come first served.  Now, I’m as nice a guy, I think, as they come, but being from Texas, we’re a little persnickety about our grill methods aren’t we?  So as other folks would come up and ask, “Hey, got any room on your grill?”  I would politely answer, “I have a little, but I have my veggies timed on this side, my steaks are about to go down, then my steaks need to rest for 10 minutes while the veggies finish up.  You are welcome to the open portion, but my only ask is that you don’t change the temperature or lift the lid constantly to check your stuff.  Every time you lift it adds two minutes to the cook time and throws off the timing…the most common answer was, “no thanks we’ll wait.” 

Third day, we decided we’d take the infamous road to Hana.  Our rental car lady even convinced us to upgrade to an SUV specifically for this drive.  So off we head toward Hana.  Our first stop was a quaint little town called Paia (last chance for food and gas).  The advice we were given was: if anyone wants to pass you let them and when you see a bunch of cars pulled over, stop.  That advice led us to twin falls.  We saw two cars that had been burned as in set on fire and plenty of signs that stated that car break ins were common.  We later found out that the road to Hana is like the wild west.  If you leave your car, it’ll get stripped and set on fire.  If you don’t let the locals pass, they’ll pass anyway and throw beer bottles at your windshield. So there is that. 

Back to Twin falls.  This was a mile hike with waterfalls.  It was pretty neat.  Now my feet (more later) were dying on this hike since we took watershoes instead of sneakers…and thank goodness because the terrain was rocky, but you had to walk through some water crossings.  Josie also felt like the walk was too long, so I had to carry her for about half of it.  Connor ran off like a deer, no stopping that kid.

We then head to the next big part which we think was the black sand beach, but no one warns you about the 300 hair pin turns and single lane bridges.  During this F1 test lap, Josie gets motion sickness and pukes all over herself, poor baby.  We do an about face and head back for home.  We rest a bit and the reds head to the beach.  That night we hit Sansei for sushi.  It was really good, but honestly Kobe was just as good.  So if you find yourself out there, go to Kobe for half the price.  At the airport on the way home, I ran into Rusty Uresti (Omar’s brother).  Omar is known for his crazy driving.  We joked that anyone who has been in a car with Omar for more than 30 minutes and hasn’t gotten motion sickness is allowed to try the drive to Hana, if not, don’t do it.

Fourth day, well we had to cancel the browns so just Nita and Connor go snuba (snorkel and scuba).  A “cold” front blew in and the wind was howling.  The chop on the water told me that Josie would not enjoy the five-hour boat and snorkel tour at all after being motion sick twice in three days.  So she and I went shopping downtown while Connor and Nita hit the reef and got some amazing pictures. Another portion that was really enjoyable was our view.  I love watching waves, especially on cruise ships and our balcony almost replicated that experience…without the motion.  I hung out on our balcony for a while and just took it in.  It truly is one of the most calming things in my life. We were supposed to attend a luau, but cancelled it because we were pretty tired.  Luckily the resort property had Hula dancers (one of whom was invited to the Super Bowl of Hula) and prime rib for us to snack on for dinner.

Fifth and final day.  We get kicked out of our room at 10AM with 12 hours to kill. But Nita had booked massages and we had already packed and called down for luggage pick up.  We spent all day at the pool and beach, clean up in the spa, then headed downtown for one final small shopping excursion.  We ate at the Cool Cat Lounge which is like Huts Hamburgers in Austin.  We then drove back to the airport and dig in for the flight home.  When you’ve been up all day, in the sun, and then your flight is delayed until 12:15am, it takes a toll.  But we made it, got to San Francisco and then ran into my good friend Rusty and his wife Madelyn in the airport.  We finally get home to Austin where another gift (car service) was waiting to bring us home.  We were all pretty spent, and it was only 3pm.  We figured we’d play it by ear as to whether the kids would go to school the next day or spend one more day getting the time zone acclimation.

Funny aside – A friend reading about my ankle swelling felt sorry for me and took it upon himself to upgrade us to first for the ride home.  HOWEVER, only two seats were available.  We couldn’t split the kids so one of us had to go.  Plus, it made sense since Josie didn’t sleep on the way out and we needed her to sleep on the way back. We looked into changing the reservation back, but it would have been another $400.00 change fee to go back to coach.  So we kept it.  Well, Nita got the better end of the deal.  It was a short haul plane with short haul first class.  The seats barely reclined, it was not like the American business class seats where you get a joystick to control the seven different options of seat position.  Second the meal was a nasty burger on a pretzel.  There was no ice cream sundae cart, no breakfast, nada.  AND, the back of the plane was half empty again.  I had arranged to switch with the reds with our flight attendant and when I went back to go check on my sweet reds, both Connor and Nita were each spread out across three seats sleeping soundly.  Meanwhile I was contorted with Josie using my arm as a pillow.  So believe it or not, I took one for the team and stayed up front.  FYI, confirmed with other travelers, if you fly to Hawaii out of SFO or LAX…you get the short first class.  If you fly out of Dallas, you get the big boy plane with the nicer amenities.  First world problems.

Effects. I am finding that the neuropathy is getting progressively worse, especially the feet.  It’s been five full weeks since my last Oxaliplatin dose and my feet and hands still have those sensations.  I can handle the cold now, but the feeling on my feet is like numb-ish blisters running down the middle.  It is more discomfort than pain, maybe right on the edge, but it forces you to walk on the outsides of your feet to feel the ground better, which starts hurting other things.  Plus the joint pain is getting worse. My fingers are numb and weaker.  I couldn’t pull a couple of cards out of my wallet the other day because I didn’t have the tactile sensation of where to put the pressure, if that makes sense. 

My tastes are also getting really screwy.  I find myself taking Prilosec more and more frequently and have a pretty bad taste in my mouth a good portion of the time.  I try to hydrate through it, but Gatorade and pedialyte both have acidic tints to them and almost make it worse.  I was able to eat the fruit and sushi pretty well this week, so that was nice. The dry heaving is pretty constant in the morning until my anti-nausea kicks in.  It doesn’t take very long, so that is tolerable.

Additionally, it is taking longer to recover from even simple tasks.  The mile hike on rocky terrain at twin falls took a lot out of me.  An old friend sent me a blog post from another terminal patient that helped put something in perspective.  I think many responsible terminal patients weigh the opportunity costs of “fixing” oneself.  Like if you have five or six months left, why fix your knee or shoulder?  You may not even make it all the way through the rehab, so what is the point?  When I had lasik surgery 15 years ago, I was told that if I ever degrade beyond 20/30 I can get it done again for free, but is it worth it now?  In short, I am so glad that this trip happened.  I would never have spent the money for it to happen knowing what it would mean to the family later on without me having any earning power.  I am finding it harder and harder to recover, but am gutting through events for the family and experiences.  This includes daily activities and baseball etc.  I’m not asking for sympathy, just delivering the facts.

Josie needed me to carry her part of the way on the twin falls walk and I did it gladly without regard of what the cost would be.  I suppose that is part of my parting gift.  Making sure the family is able to live like normal, suffering in silence, and just showing that we can push through it.  It is what made me so proud of Josephine on the whale trip, she felt sick and gutted through it instead of demanding we turn the boat around.  My girl.

My new retirement and immersion into the family dynamic has enabled me to see things more completely and without some filters I think.  One thing that really makes me sad is a reflection I had during the trip.  We have two boys, two girls, two adults, two kids, two reds, and two browns.  And each group has a very special bond.  When I go, Josie will be devastated.  The brown vs red dynamic is really a fun and semi-competitive thing in the family and I actually wept thinking of how alone Josephine will feel without her other brown.  I know the others will miss me, and the other combinations will be alive and well.  But we really do have a very special relationship and I know it will be hard on her.  It isn’t a “she’s my favorite” or anything like that because I adore Connor for sure.  But I just wish I could apologize to her in advance for getting sick without being able to get well, but I don’t want to alarm her more than she already is.  She still wears her Team Marco wristband everywhere she goes.  But someday her other brown will be gone.  And it will be crushing I think.

Okay, here it is the full slide show, enjoy (get a drink, it’s long).  And if you didn’t see the what I hope will become the infamous reveal video, I encourage you to do it.  Here is the “Reveal” Video that our friends put together for the Hawaii trip sendoff. It is not only spectacular, it shows what an amazing group of people whom we are fortunate enough to call friends.

Thank you to all that made it possible, it was an amazing trip and it was perfect.  So we offer our sincere thanks to all who pitched in, worked on scheduling, took care of our pets, and made sure we had a wonderful time.  The memories we made will stay with us forever, much like our friendships.

So what is the message?  Funny conversation Nita and I had while Connor and Josie were diving in the coral and doing flips in the waves. She said, “I think you have more time.” I said that I hoped that she was right, but honestly, she’s the only one.  I said, “Honey, people aren’t sponsoring these trips and events for nothing.”  I wish we could come out and say it was all a mistake or we found a miracle cure – thanks for the cool experiences…guess where else we haven’t been?”  But that would be untrue. I feel my body changing more frequently now.  Thursday of this week, Nita and I will head to Houston to MD Anderson for some testing and scans.  Then on Feb 1, we’ll go back to have some clinical trial interviews.  I continue to get holistic and homeopathic recommendations and frankly we’re at the nothing to lose stage, so I’m trying many of them.

I hope the trials can add some time to the clock, but I have no regrets.  I have been shown how much my family is loved by our community.  I have seen the face of God and love in my children and wife.  I have experienced what most people never do, and I have been able to help countless people cross from being sick and lost to being sick and comforted. That makes me happy and complete.

There was a time when my ambition drove me to an unparalleled work ethic.  I wanted to be rich, successful and have everything.  I laugh a little knowing that it took a terminal disease to realize what it actually meant.  I am rich, I am successful, and I have everything.  My father always told me, “dime con quien andas, y te dijo que quien eres.”  (Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are).  My friends, like it or not, you are my legacy.  Your choice to walk with me, guide me, and love me have actually defined both of us. 

It enabled us to capture a wonderful lesson for the children, several actually.  First, dreams can come true!  Josephine talked more than we have let on about Hawaii since we won that jackpot in Vegas a few months back.  So that one is a check.  Second, daddy always keeps his promises.  This was going to be a tough one and frankly I was going to try to convince Nita to take the kids to Hawaii after the insurance money paid out.  It would have been a “Dad would have wanted us to do this” type of thing.  But I’m glad as heck that I was able to join in the fun, create the memories, and get some pictures to look through later in their lives.  Finally, friendship.  What an amazing reference Nita will have when the kids are tweens or teens and are perhaps kicking the tires on new friendships.  She can point to the wonderful group of friends we have as an example of the type of people with whom you want to associate.  Caring, thoughtful, faithful, generous people with sincere love in their hearts.  The kind of people you are proud of and in whose accomplishments, you also take pride.

So to all of you friends, readers, prayer warriors, and folks just joining in.  Thank you for lifting this simple boy from Manchaca up.  I have received so many notes and blessings from folks along the way, I suppose it proves we did something right.  My success and wealth are my friends and family. It has nothing to do with material assets at all, how silly of me.  It only took me 47 years to learn.  So I don’t know how much time is left, but for now, I feel like the richest man alive.  God bless you all.  Team Marco.