The Eye of the Tiger

The eye of the tiger

How do you follow last week?  Fighting for your life, miracles, working to get your systems back on line, getting settled in the house, and just adjusting to the normal ebbs and flows of our home.  I really have spent a lot of time trying to digest all the events of the past month, and technically the last five months.  With so many hospitalizations, surgeries, chemotherapy, and treatments it has been hard to really pin point any one tipping point.  But then I came to the epiphany that it doesn’t matter.  I’m here and I’m alive.  And it is nothing short of a miracle.  Don’t worry, I’m not going to get all preachy.  You can choose your belief system and I won’t try to talk you out of or into anything.  But this blog is about my life dealing with cancer.  And I have zero doubt that God intervened and saved me.

As I stated last week, if it were my time to go, June 22 (the day my spleen/cyst ruptured) would have been as good a time as any to end my time on Earth.  But God had other plans.  This miracle was wonderful news and should celebrated.  But I also want to remind everyone that I still have cancer.  The CEA drop was great and very encouraging, but we still need to bump a new CT scan against the last one to see where my tumor sizes are.  Without that second piece of data, we won’t know for sure where we are, but I can honestly say that I feel like something positive may have happened.

Both of my oncologists agreed that the FulFox wasn’t doing anything to shrink the tumors and in fact they had even grown slightly as of the last scan.  So the next course of action is for me to go back to MD Anderson and see what clinical trial options are available for me.  The main difference between this time and the last time is my lung strength.  My lungs have improved drastically since the surgery.  I wonder if being intubated blew out or suctioned out some of the junk that was clogging my airways.  I’m not sure how or why but I am no longer coughing after 2 minutes of speech.  And I’m certainly not retching my guts up (Thank God) every time I walk across the room.  I can’t tell you how painful that would have been on the heels of this surgery.  Even the nurses at St. David’s remembered my terrible cough from my last hospitalization on my birthday (April).

Me, Omar, and the PGA trophy

I was given a little lung exercise tool which is supposed to help guard against pneumonia.  Although the score isn’t very high on the meter, I still notice improvement in my airway production and recovery.  My oxygen saturation is around 97-98% now, which is almost 9 points higher than when they sent me home with oxygen tanks.  I was also given instructions to get up and move around more.  My muscles have atrophied quite a bit over the last few months and it will be a long road back, but I am actually looking forward to the work.  As my surgery heals and with my improved lung capacity I think it will even be therapeutic. 

Another advantage to the new body changes are I can finally make good on some earlier commitments.  If you have been following for a while, you might remember that our community and an organization called Without Regrets sent our family to Hawaii in late January.  After we returned they asked if we’d film a testimonial for them.  Of course we said yes.  They made the request on February 13, the day before my splenic embolism.  Soon after I had my first bout with pneumonia.  For the last several months, doing any sort of on camera interview was impossible.  But now, I can speak without hacking up a lung and I am looking forward to sharing the story and our gratitude for their organization next week.

I didn’t share this widely, but prior to the last month I was almost certain that I wouldn’t make it through the summer.  I just looked at the statistics, the medical options, and my body’s reaction to everything and figured that my time was almost up.  I wasn’t sad, it just was what it was.  A million people had been in my exact same position and the metrics weren’t on my side.  So because of that I didn’t buy things that one would normally go purchase.  For example, I lost 60 pounds over the last five months (much of it happening in less than two months) and most of my clothes wouldn’t fit.  But why go out and buy new clothing?  It seemed like it would be temporary and just taking money away from the family that could be used for other more important items.

But after this last incident, I am different.  I don’t just feel different, I know that something amazing happened.  It has given me confidence and I know that things have changed for me.  So on Wednesday my mother drove me to an eye appointment and I got new glasses.  Then to another store where I picked up some new clothes.  I don’t think the money was wasted, it could be considered almost mandatory to acknowledge the gift I was given.

Side effects and healing.  It almost seems silly to discuss aches, pains, allergies, ankle swelling, sleep issues, and discomfort after such a huge ordeal.  So I won’t.  Suffice to say that I’m taking my pain meds on schedule and working through the rest of it.  I may pick it up if anything spikes, but for now I intend to wait until we find a new trial and I start on that.  I’ll discuss what those side effects do for other cancer patients who are following and may be considering any of those medications.  But for now, it’s no big whoop.  When they take all the organs out of your abdomen and put them back in with a 14-inch incision straight down the center of your belly, stuff is going to hurt.  So you stay on the pain med schedule and try not to overdo the exercises.  I’m still losing a little weight, but not much.  I’m eating better and am able to hold down everything I’ve eaten so far.

Sunday my wife went on a much-needed boating trip with some of her oldest friends and best friend Pete came to baby sit me.  We had a great visit and it was closer to the old times than it had been in a long time.  It was very cool.  Thursday, best friend Omar came over and took me to lunch.  We went to Texadelphia at Lakeline.  It was the first time I’d been out to a sit-down meal at a restaurant in about four months.  The reason?  Because I had the confidence that I wouldn’t gross anyone out with my coughing and retching.  It was another nice visit and we talked a lot about his big tournament win ( I even took a picture with the trophy) and upcoming tour schedule.  Again, a lot like old times.  As an aside, a neighborhood friend owns the Texadelphia and while I was in the hospital he brought a cheesesteak tray to the nurses and technicians who had been taking such good care of me.  They were very appreciative and of course the food is pretty spectacular.

Connor and Sneaks the snake

On the home front, the kids are mostly the same.  Josephine spends a lot more time with me and snuggles with me quite a bit.  She also shares every single detail of her day which is awesome.  She is very in tune with the situation and even says, “Daddy, I’m so happy you didn’t die.  You mean everything to me.”  Connor is less understanding of the severity of the situation.  But he is still a super sweet boy and has been doing more and more chores around the house.  It would be idiotic to drag him into the trauma I’ve experienced just for the sake of his acknowledgement.  He’ll know soon enough.

Josie, my little shadow in the mancave

One funny thing is their sibling rivalry.  It manifests in so very many ways. I never had a brother or sister so I can’t relate, but I hear a lot of stories about fights, pranks, and some pretty cruel things that my friends and neighbors have done to their siblings, or had done to them.   Well a friend took the kids to the pool the other day and Josephine was getting in Connor’s kitchen when he just wanted to play by himself.  Apparently, she took it too far and he punched her in the mouth.  I sat them down and listened to each one’s account of the event.  They both admitted their culpability and hugged it out, apologized, and forgave each other.  Connor learned that we never hit girls, especially Josie.  Josie learned not to incessantly mess with Connor.  I told her that I was sorry she got hit in the face, but maybe that will let her know that Connor is serious when he says to leave him alone.  It worked out well with just a little blood and a good lesson for each of them.

I have so many things for which to be thankful, not the least of which is my life.  My family being a “normal” family.  My friends and community being there for us and never stopping their engagement.  Nita is doing great at work and running the house.  I am getting better each day with more and more energy and stamina.  In fact, I have been walking to check the mail and even cooked outside on the grill this week.  Things almost feel like they did before the cancer, except for one major thing.  I have changed my attitude dramatically. 

I want to be a better person, father, husband, friend, neighbor, and Christian.  I know that those things take effort and practice just like physical therapy does.  But I’m not afraid to put in the work.  So thanks again for all the thoughts and prayers.  Thank you for the time you have invested in me and my family.  Thanks to God for allowing me to have more time, I do not intend to squander it.  I wish you all the best and hope you too are enjoying the life you’ve been given.  God bless.  For those who didn’t get the title, it was from a Rocky movie and the band that played the song is called “Survivor.”

The book is ready and days away from launch

The book will launch next week.  I just approved the proof they sent me and it will be on Amazon both in digital and soft copy.  I don’t have a link yet, but the title is, “265 Likes for a Fart.”  It covers the entire first year of my cancer experience. I hope you enjoy it, can find inspiration in it, or help you understand a family member who is battling cancer.  TeamMarco.