There is No Crying in Baseball

There's no crying in baseball

 

a picture from the Without Regrets funded shoot in Maui this January

Who can forget the moment in A League of Their Own when Tom Hanks as coach is berating one of his players and she starts to cry.  He then gets frustrated explaining that you don’t cry in baseball.  Most of the mean stuff is just part of the game.  It’s as natural as the inside brushback pitch or the (more prevalent a few years ago) take out slide at the front end of a double play.

Needless to say, Josephine LOVES baseball.  So much that she begged us to let her go to the Round Rock Express baseball camp last week.  I didn’t think her skillset was quite ready, but after pleading her case, Nita and I were all in for it.  So off she went, prepared for four days in the dog days of summer.  The only caveat was that she finish all four days, because Martinez’ don’t quit.

Josephine stretching at the beginning of camp, she was one of three girls out of 100 total participants

The first day, I asked her how it went.  She told me that the baseball part was fine, but that some boys were teasing her about her skills and told her that she should be playing softball with girls anyway.  Nita was a little uncomfortable with this and said, "We need to go to your dad, he'll have a great retort in no time!"  I said, “Absolutely, this is right in my wheelhouse! Ragging is part of the game; let's get Josie some solid comebacks.”  So we started to work on one and role played it until she had it just right and with a lot of sass.

The next day she came home from camp all smiles, virtually skipping into the mancave. I asked her how the camp went and she said, “Great dad!  I did what you said and the baseball was good too!”  Her retort by the way was, “If I actually cared what you thought, that might hurt my feelings…BUT I DON’T!”  With extra sass on the “but I don’t.”  She said the boys told her that her hair looked like a boy and that she couldn’t throw well enough.  She dropped the line and said the boys were speechless.  She was emphatic when she said “speechless” as well.  She was so proud of herself, almost as proud as we were of her.

We gave her one more for the next two days and it also brought down the house.  “What, can’t compete with the boys so you have to pick on little girls?”  This one had the boys turning on each other after that.  Josephine loved the camp and is convinced that she is going to be the first girl to play major league baseball.  Well, I don’t know about that, but I love how much she adores the game.  From dressing in her uniform, to baseball cards; she’s even reading a book about Lou Gehrig.

Connor and Josephine both went to have therapy sessions with the Wonders and Worries team last weekend.  They are doing great, but Connor seems to have temporarily regressed a bit.  By that I mean instead of the mature 8 almost 9-year-old he was, he was using baby talk and doing a few things under his age bracket.  I’m glad we took him because it made me want to change my parenting style a bit.  As a result, I’ve been into more positive reinforcement than reactive to his mishaps, complete with explanations of consequences.  Connor really responded well to this new tactic and has been more affectionate and obedient than before.  He also appears calmer than he had been in the weeks that have passed.

I’m proud of him, he’s dealing with quite a bit and he still struggles at times with his Sensory Integration issues for which we had been taking him to an occupational therapist since he was three.  He still has some fine motor work to tighten up, but don’t we all?  I’m just happy that he is dealing with my situation in his way and it is a non-destructive way.  He understands my situation, but possibly not the severity of it all.  Josephine on the other hand gets it, she knows I almost died a month ago.  She has been very affectionate and spends a lot of time, just sitting and chatting with me.  I wonder if all the baseball is her 6-year-old way to connect or if she truly loves the game that much.  Either way, we’re having a blast together.

The week before this one, we were finally able to film the video for Without Regrets.  They are the organization that (with the help of my “Rocks” community and one of the Aggie Yell families) sent our family to Maui last January.  And as I have stated before, not a moment too soon.  Even though it seemed like a hair on fire trip, it was literally the only time we could have managed that trip during this entire year.  With all my surgeries, trial options and emergencies, pneumonia, spleen rupture, and shortness of breath, there is zero chance that we could have gone on a trip like that and done all the things we did.  They also set us up with a family photo shoot to add to the memories which was very nice.

They asked if we would come in and talk a little about what they did for us on camera.  Sure, no problem, right?  Well, with all my medical issues, previously I couldn’t speak for more than two minutes without coughing and gagging (which does not look good on camera).  Finally, after this latest surgery and recovery, I am able to speak to people.  So the family went down and we filmed the segment.  We were happy to do it and hope that helps others to support this fine organization so other families can enjoy “trips of a lifetime” like we did.

On July 7, I came home from the hospital still basking in my miracle.  Technically, I still am.  But we cannot forget that even though we rode through the storm and came out on top, I still have cancer.  And the cancer is stage 4!  My oncology team didn’t want me to take too much time recovering giving the cancer time to build any momentum.  So I had an appointment on Friday July 28, to get bloodwork, meet with my MDA oncologist, and with the clinical trial intake doctor (not originally on the schedule).  My buddy Omar drove me up and back and we even had a chance to stop at the family restaurant for dinner.  I gave signed copies of my new book to Uncle Sammy and his kids (Nita’s cousins).  I think Sammy was most impressed because his brother (Nita’s deceased father) was a writer.  And it somehow fit that I had written a book and married his niece.

Omar and I just leaving Buc-ee's, an obligatory stop

The nice thing about the ride with Omar was that we’ve been friends for five decades.  We had so much to share on this trip, but there was also no discomfort in the dead air (silence).  We talked a lot about a lot.  We brought up things from high school, family, church, and even how he is preparing for the PGA championship in a couple of weeks.  I always find it fascinating, even among close friends, how someone who is elite in something prepares to face off against others who are also elite.  There is another gear those guys have of which I am not familiar, and that is pretty cool.  Plus, two days with your best friend is always a good deal.

The meeting with Dr. Kee, the oncologist went well.  We discussed options and they made the somewhat emergency appointment with the clinical trial team.  He said that during the spleen rupture, another CT scan had been done and that the metastasized tumors in my liver and lungs both had grown since the last scan.  Therefore, they were taking the FulFox off the table since it was so hard on my body anyway and showed no efficacy.  He recommended Lonsurf which is another colorectal chemo drug, but isn’t really effective in shrinking tumors.  It isn’t a cure drug, it’s more of a don’t die just yet drug.  The reason was that he didn’t have any specific colorectal trials available and this might buy us a couple of months for one to come up.

He then sent me up to meet with Dr. Pant (pronounced pahnt) in the clinical trial area.  Since they were squeezing me in, the wait time was pretty long.  But when his PA came in, she went over all my surgeries, therapies, symptoms, and my recovery from the most recent rupture.  I mentioned that I shouldn’t even be alive with all the shenanigans on my spleen and she was quick to concur.  I also mentioned the CEA score diving to 10.  She said, very matter of factly, that it was back up to 60.6.  Remember anything under 100 is still treatable.  But I think we are getting a bit too close for comfort.

Dr. Pant came in and started talking about the medical history and I showed him my fresh zipper (scar).  We also talked about the statistics.  I told him that I was sincerely just happy to be alive and an active participant in the lives of my family.  He said, “Good!  Then you know the math!”  I said that I did.  I am over my limit.  Put another way, if I was a carton of milk…don’t drink me, I’m a bit past the expiration date.  He was very impressed, almost shocked by my recovery though.  He found it hard to believe that just a month ago, I was laying on a gurney with 3 liters of puss shooting out of my belly, yet here I was bouncing around ready for the next step.  He mentioned my positive spirit and was truly amazed at my attitude and my body’s ability to recover.  He also mentioned that my bloodwork didn’t have anything that (at this time) would preclude me from a trial.  Even my oxygen saturation was stellar in the 98% range.

Brief aside, last night I was talking to best friend Pete.  He said that momentum is huge in any endeavor.  We spoke at length about how it had affected the outcome of games, deals, work, etc. and he also mentioned my positive demeanor.  The biggest compliment I may have received in a long while was from him.  “No matter who I talk to, if I speak with you in the same day, you are the most positive person I will have spoken to that day.  No matter the subject or situation.  Your positivity is just infectious!”  Love you too Pete!

So Dr. Pant and I started to discuss options.  He said that he has and will always have a bunch of phase 1 trials available, but none of them specifically targeted for my cancer with my K-ras mutation.  Instead of the eenie, meenie, miny, moe technique, he said he was going to bring my case up before their review panel.  The panel consists of a bunch of oncology trial doctors who collectively look at the facts and decide what the best possible trial option should be.  This is kind of a big deal I think.  I have continually felt like I’m getting the best care possible and this did nothing to dissuade that feeling.

So they meet on Wednesday and I should hear by Thursday or Friday what the next steps are.  He did mention that Lonsurf is still an option to “check a box” for a couple of months.  So that might be the end of summer routine (which they can administer here in Austin).  I’ll also need to get a new baseline scan and we’ll see exactly how much tumor growth there has been.  I can tell you that even though my lungs feel better, my liver has been mildly annoying with occasional throbs of pain.

But I have faith.  Not necessarily that I will be cured, or go into remission, but faith that all of this time has been a gift.  And I have been careful not to squander it.  I very much feel like God has a plan for me.  Perhaps my five months of incapacitation was a set up for a summer of fun with the kids?  That this was the true gift from God.  Maybe I was meant to seize this new energy and do exactly what I’m doing with them?  I had a date with Nita the other night, I’ve been going out to restaurants with friends.  I took Connor to an arcade and we went to watch Josie’s awards ceremony after her baseball camp.  I even went to the neighborhood pool for a while a couple of weeks ago and was able to visit with a few of the guys I used to see almost daily.  Finally, we even had a dinner party with Connor’s best friend and his parents on Wednesday.  It almost feels like a normal life.

As most of you know by now, the book was published and is available on amazon.  We are going to do a book signing at Balcones Country Club in Northwest Austin on August 18, from 4pm to 7pm.  Please go to amazon to get your book, there will be very few available to purchase on site.  I will even tell the story about why the book is named 265 Likes for a Fart.  I hope to see many of you there.  More importantly, I hope that the lessons contained in the book, which I’ve learned the hard way, are easier for you to consume.  I hope some portion has made your family lives better, and possibly brought you closer to God.  All the best and see you soon.  Also, thanks to all who are posting copies of their book as they receive them around the country and around the world! TeamMarco.