How deep is your love

Part 4

My two best friends are so funny in how different they are.  One is somewhat of an introvert, but is constantly on the phone.  Either on a call or texting, but I think he recently had a Bluetooth headset surgically implanted.  The second is a big crossfit guy who always has a group of friends he’s going to see whether it’s out of state, hunting, golfing, or well cross fitting and eating paleo.  He occasionally ends up on my couch for a chat and a few bourbons.  They both have more contacts, friends, parties to attend, than you could imagine.  My life has become somewhat routine with work, school for the kids, sports for the kids, and weekend field trips with the kids.  My back injury took my regular golf weekend schedule off the books, and I’ve been really focused on our business to honestly get more income since Nita decided to become a stay at home mom. 

So I had this conversation with myself, if I died tomorrow, would Nita be able to find enough pall bearers to carry the casket?  Sure I have acquaintances, and know a lot of people, but how many people, would drop everything and come check on you?  This week answered the question in spades. When I look at the ebbs and flows of people in my life, I can categorize them into several groups:

 There is my old grade school group. I attended a private catholic school and with FB have been able to stay in touch.  Next is High School.  This is a closer group and with the 30 year coming up, more people are calling for mini-reunions and other events.  Third and fourth are college.  I started at Texas A&M and have a great community of Aggies from a recruiting site I frequent and my time and fraternity brothers, and there is Texas Lutheran where I graduated and kicked a baseball around for a few years.  Fifth are friends from the Capitol and legislature where I met my wife (but that is quite another story).  Sixth is Dell where I spent 15 years. Seventh is my golf club and neighborhood community.  Finally the schools where my kids and their parents meet.  One often wonders the impact you have over all these groups that over the course of 40 years you weave in and out of.  Some you spend decades with, some 10 minutes.  As a sales and marketing guy I enjoy talking, presenting, and being “on.”  But that also means on my free time, I usually melt into the background.  I enjoy just listening to the conversation, and essentially to decompress.

I would never in my wildest dreams have been able to imagine the amount of support, love, prayers, thoughts, and actual activity stirred up by the news of my cancer.  People and cousins I hadn’t seen in decades, just popped into the hospital room.  Friends whom I knew were buddies were offering me their homes in Houston for places to stay for trips to MD.  People from all over the neighborhood were dropping off enough food that we might have to buy a deep freezer.  And it was a never ending deluge of “what can we do? How can we help?”  I heard personal stories of victories, homeopathic remedies, and everything in between.  I had folks who have never met me, or know me through Nita or my children perform amazing acts of generosity and kindness.  I even had an old college friend ask if they should start a “go fund me account.”  Thanks but tap the brakes there kiddo, I’m still kicking and my mind has always been my sharpest weapon.

As a quick aside  I also found out that my facebook community created a meme that really caught fire and I won't name names, but I can tell you that at least 50 fans and graduates of Texas had some form of this as their FB picture for at least a couple of days.  Thank you.

What I did not get was pity.  I think everyone to a person said, “If anyone can beat this, it is you!”  And I promise to fight like hell to prove them right.  My new boss even came to me and gave me more support and peace of mind than you could imagine.  Thanks PD, I won’t embarrass him, but it was impactful.  Grown men would see Nita and start crying.  I’ve been getting letters and cards from churches that I’ve been added to the prayer rolls.  The nicest part was the offers were genuine and not lip service.  And usually the pattern is everyone hits hard on early news, then it cools and things dry up.  I have a feeling this will not follow that pattern.

People have let all animosity, any old wounds, and generally let all bygones be bygones.  It has restored my faith in humanity, showed the true generosity of the American spirit (or I am either incredibly lucky, blessed, or have chosen extremely wisely…or some combination).  It has given me two major advantages.  First, I have a lot to fight for and a lot of people who are counting on me to fight.  That kind of thing is perfect for me.  I don’t usually need or get a lot of motivation, but when presented, I react well to it.  Second, it has given me peace.  I am confident that in the unlikely event something should happen my family will be well taken care of.  I know there is a long road ahead.  I know this will not be easy, but I will grind out small and large victories. 

Final thoughts

I wrote a 10 page manifesto to my unborn son called “how to be a man” in the case of my untimely demise, I’ve thought of adding a few chapters since this new situation has occurred.  My Christmas letters have become, I don’t know if I’d call them legendary, but let’s just say people remind me to never take them off the list.  If you’ve come this far with me, feel free to go back and check a couple of them out.  I’ll post the first few years just for fun. 

I tell my children and they can repeat it upon request, “What are daddy’s three jobs?”  The answer, “To love me, protect me, and make me a better person.”  Well I intend to keep my jobs.  And they won’t be sufficiently prepared until they are at least young adults.  That means I have at least 22 years of fight to personally prepare to endure to properly meet that goal.  I thank each of you for the part you have played in my life to prepare me, help me, or in some cases carry me in this fight.  But you can count on me, I won’t let you down.